The Making of a Harlequin
by lonewolf5232
Summary: This is the story of how Harleen Quinzel became Harley Quinn and how she first met the Joker. In this story, watch Harleen transform and become apart of the clown duo we all know and love. -TRIGGER WARNING- This story contains violence, adult situations, mental illness, and abusive situations that could be too much for someone.
1. First Encounter

**I do not own any of the characters mentioned below.**

 **This is my take on the day Harleen Quinzel, Harley Quinn, meets the Joker.**

 **Hope you enjoy!**

I kept changing my outfit. I wasn't sure what to wear. I wanted to look professional but not seem too uptight. Today was the day I got to have my own patient. I've had some other patients that originally belonged to other doctors. Those patients were boring and all seemed to fade together. One criminal after another claiming innocence and blaming their misfortune on society or the allusive "Batman".

Today I will have my own patient rich with a complex psychological history. He goes by the Joker, he is a merciless criminal and I look forward to searching through his mind and his past to find his motive.

I decided to stick with a black pencil skirt, a maroon coloured blouse, and I twisted my hair up out of my face with a pencil.

My train ride to Arkham Asylum seemed longer than usual. I went through security as usual, swiped my ID card as usual and a Senior resident ran through the procedures to go by if the patient gets aggressive. I nodded and pretended to listen even though I learned these procedures months ago. He wished me luck and continued down the hall. I took a deep breath and nodded to the armed guards to open the door.

The room, it's was more of a cell, was dark and quiet and there was a chair facing away from me. I could see the outline of the man sitting in front of the barred window. I flipped on the light switch and the fluorescent lights abruptly turned on and illuminated the peculiar man. He had green hair slicked back, his face was sprinkled with tattoos that I wasn't close enough to read, and his front teeth were silver. He didn't seem to react to the lights change he just sat there smiling at me as if he could see right through me.

He was haunting but intriguing. I sat across from him at the table. "Um, Mr..." I flipped through my files and paperwork for his name.

"Joker. I'm the Joker." He said with a wide smile.

"Well Mr. Joker, I'm Dr. Quinzel. Why don't we start with how you got here?" I said, I could hear the shaking in my own voice.

"Hey doc, you're shaking." He nodded down to my trembling hands that quaked over the papers.

"Oh my, I'm sorry, I-"

"No, I'm flattered." He interrupted. "Are you a fan of my work?" He smiled looking deep into my eyes.

"Your work?" I asked trying to evade eye contact.

"My comedy, my mischief, my highjinks. I'm a real crack up." He proceeded to laugh this infectious cackle. I couldn't help but giggle in response.

"Nice laugh, doc." He spoke in a charming way of stretching out each syllable as if he weren't going to let the words come to an end.

"Thank you. Now Mr. Joker, why don't you tell me what brought you here?" I said trying to get back on track.

"Well, doc, Bats really took a liking to me. Won't leave me alone." He said smiling.

"Now this 'Bats' is Batman, correct?" I asked so I could clarify in my notes.

"Me and Bats go way back. I don't like formalities." He winked at me.

"Do you feel like you're being personally targeted?" I asked.

"Yes. But that's how it's always been." He looked down then back up at me.

"That can be very hard for a person to deal with. Do you have any type of support system?" I asked him, I tried to shake off my pity for him but he seemed so damaged.

"Huh?" He looked confused.

"A support system. Friends, family, a significant other, a confidante." I looked at him, he was frowning.

"No, I'm all alone." He looked deep into my eyes. He was so broken, I couldn't wait to keep working with him. I couldn't wait to gain his trust so we could dive deeper.

"You don't have to be alone, _anymore_." I smiled at him and he smiled right back at me. I looked at the clock on the wall behind me.

"Unfortunately, we are out of time. Our appointment tomorrow will be longer." I said. He frowned but nodded his head.

"It's a date, doc." He smirked at me. I giggled and the guards came in. They ripped him out of the chair. It seemed cruel, the way they manhandled him. He looked over his shoulder and winked at me before they dragged him out of the room.

I had never felt so intrigued with a patient before but there was something about the Joker. He made me feel so many different thing. I was suspicious of him, curious about him, and scared of him all at once. I could barely hold in my excitement for our session tomorrow. I wanted to do backflips out of the room but I maintained my professionalism.

Until tomorrow I would spend my time thinking about the Joker and thinking about ways I could help him. I knew I would be the only one who could help him.

 **A/N: Hope you liked it! This is the first encounter between the Joker and Harleen. If you have any questions, suggestions, or more please leave me a comment! Thanks!**


	2. Trust

**I do not own any of the characters mentioned.**

 **This is the Joker and Harleen's second session.**

 **Hope you enjoy!**

Today was even more exciting than yesterday. Yesterday I had no idea what I was walking into but now I knew. And I couldn't wait until I could talk to him.

I wore black slacks and a dark green blouse. It reminded me of a muted version of his hair. I did my makeup and twisted my hair back with a pencil and left for work.

The morning seemed to go by so slow. I saw some of my usual patients. I talked to a man who was in solitaire because he had gotten into countless fights. He talked about getting out and killing "Batman".

Finally at a quarter to one I head towards the room where Joker's session took place. I wrote down some points I wanted to talk about with him. At one, the guards brought him into the room and flung him into the chair. They walked out of the room and shut the door behind them. He was wearing a strait jacket and had a cut above his right eye and a bloody lip.

"Oh dear," I grabbed a tissue and leaned over the table. I must have caught him off guard because he flinched back. I slowly put the tissue to his lip and patted the cut as softly as I could. His body stiffened and he watched me.

"Those guards are complete animals." I said to him. The bleeding on his lower lip stopped. I grabbed another tissue and wiped the cut on his eyebrow.

I threw out the tissues and I sat back down. "Are you alright?" I asked him.

"I am now." He smiled at me. I blushed.

"What happened?" I asked.

"I was sitting in my cell and all of the sudden those goons came in and attacked me." He frowned and looked into my eyes.

"I'm so sorry. I can talk to the senior resident. He can talk to the guards, tell them to be less forceful." I gave a sympathetic smile.

"It's alright. I can take it." He smiled playfully.

"But you shouldn't have to." I told him.

"You know, doc, nobody here cares about me. But you do." His eyes were stuck on me.

"I'm your psychiatrist, there has to be trust between us. And that trust is going to start with them taking that thing off of you." I stood up and walked out the door. I turned towards the guard that was the roughest with him.

"Take that thing off of him." I said to the guard.

"It's for your protection, sweetie. He's a psycho." He sucked his teeth.

"It's doctor to you, Dr. Quinzel. How am I supposed to connect with my patient if he is tied up?" I said to the guard.

"He's gotta have restraints, he's dangerous." The guard looked at the Joker.

"Well put handcuffs on him. Take off the straight jacket, he's not an animal." The guard rolled his eyes and went to take off the straight jacket.

"Thanks, doc." The Joker smiled at me as the guard finished taking the straight jacket off. The guard handcuffed him then walked out of the room.

"Much better." The Joker stretched out his arms and smiled at me.

"I'm glad you're more comfortable. If you need anything you can come to me. I hope you know that." I smiled at him, I hoped that he would trust me. "Mr. Joker,"

"J." He interrupted.

"Pardon me?" I asked.

"Call me J." He said with a smirk.

"Well, Mr. J, I want you to know that this is a safe place. You can trust me with anything." I told him.

"You know, doc, I feel like I've got a friend now." He said, I started to smile. "But I don't know their name." He looked at me.

"My names Harleen, Harleen Quinzel." I said

"Hey, your friends ever call you Harley?" He said with a grin.

"Well actually, I don't have many friends." I said tucking a loose piece of hair behind my ear.

"Well, Harley, you've got one now." He said with a smile.

"As do you, Mr. J." I said and returned the smile.

 **A/N: This was a short chapter but I thought this interaction was super cute. I couldn't resist putting in the "Mr. J" bit. I hope you like it!  
Do you think I should add in some other DC characters? ****Please leave me a comment if you have any questions, comments, suggestions.** **  
Thanks!**


	3. Falling

**I do not own any of the characters mentioned.**

Our past few sessions had gone so well. We talked about things he liked to do in his normal life, he liked to play cards a lot. I tried to get him to talk about his childhood but he didn't want to. He told me about his club that he owned and that I would love it here. He talked to me and really started to open up. Our last session I let him drink some of my coffee, he missed caffeine, and I told him I would talk to my supervisor about letting him get some more recreation time.

We had a session today and I planned on talking to him about his past. I noticed changes in myself. I was much more upbeat on my way to work and I was always excited the day of our sessions, I found myself thinking about him outside of Arkham and when I heard the name "Batman" on the news I listened, when before I would just change the channel.

This morning I got up and danced to music as I got dressed. I wore a black pencil skirt and blue silk blouse. On the train I smiled at a baby who kept giggling at me. I loved babies, they were so sweet and innocent. As I watched the infant giggle I imagined my own child, a little girl with my blue eyes and blonde hair. In my fantasy I saw the Joker holding the baby, smiling at me.

I shook the vision out of my head. This was completely inappropriate, he was my patient. I wanted to feel guilty but I couldn't help but smile. I didn't know what was happening to me. I fantasized about having babies with my patient, with the Joker. But the small part of me fantasizing about him was the same one that urged me to lean over the table and kiss him throughout our sessions. What was I going to do?

When I got to Arkham I did my rounds then went to go speak to the senior resident. I knocked on his office door and he yelled for me to come in. I sat down in front of his desk.

"Everything alright, Harleen?" He asked me, he sounded uninterested.

"Uhm, sort of. I wanted to talk to you about the Joker." I said.

"Yes, yes. I hear you and him are getting along. You made a guard take off his restraints, correct?" He looked at me with suspicion.

"Well, yes, but only the straitjacket. He was handcuffed." I tried defending myself.

"Harleen, the Joker is a dangerous man. Those restraints are for your protection." He frowned.

"What about his protection? Those guards toss him around like a rag doll." He tried to interrupt but I continued. "I am making real progress with him. I've earned his trust and I think today we are going to be able to dig into his past." I told him.

"And what would that accomplish?" He said plainly.

"We would be able to find the reason why he does the things he does. Help teach him ways to cope with his feelings. Help him change, be better. You said that therapy can help anyone." I was confused as to why he look so apathetic. This was an opportunity to actually make a difference in the Joker's life.

"Therapy can help _almost_ anyone. The Joker is too far gone. He has done unspeakable things, things that there is no coming back from. If your sessions with him keep him out of trouble for the time being, great. But don't think that he's gonna walk out of here an outstanding citizen." He sat back in his chair.

"You don't understand him. He has good in his heart, society hasn't treated him well. And this "Batman", has tormented him for years. How can someone change if they are being stalked by a masked vigilante? Why won't the police stop that guy?" I didn't like Batman. Unlike everyone else in Gotham, I didn't seem him as a hero, I saw him as a criminal just like the people he torments. The only difference is that he wears a cape.

"Batman works with the police. Most the people in here would still be on the streets if it weren't for him. Harleen, maybe I was wrong to have you work with the joker. I don't think you're ready to work with that kind of person yet." He frowned at me.

"No, no, no. You made the right choice. I'll prove it to you. I can keep the Joker in check, make sure he's on his best behavior. Today we are going to go over coping mechanisms to help him control his anger." I said trying to persuade him.

"Alright, Harleen. But if he acts up I'm pulling the plug. Understand?" He asked me.

"Yes. Thank you, doctor." I walked out of his office with relief. I grabbed two coffees, tucked the Joker's files under my arm and headed to Joker's cell. I smiled at the guard in front of the Joker's cell. His name was Ralph and he was very nice.

"Good morning, Ralph." I said and handed him my other coffee.

"Morning, Harleen. Thanks." He sipped the coffee.

"Our session is later but I just wanted to check up on him. See what mood he's in." I smiled at him.

"Go ahead. Holler if you need anything." He swiped his id card and the door opened. I walked into the cell and Joker was laying on the small bed with his arm over his eyes. He sat up and smiled when he saw me.

"Harley, what a nice surprise. If I knew you were stopping by, I would've tidied up." He grinned at me.

"Hey, J." I giggled.

"One already?" He asked looking at his bare wrist as if checking a watch.

"Nope, it's only eleven. I just wanted to stop by, see how you were feeling." I smiled.

"Bringing me coffee in the morning? How _thoughtful_." He smirked at me. I handed him the coffee and blushed. He took a big gulp than licked his lips as he looked at me.

"Black with three sugars. Just how I like it, _sweet_." He said as he looked into my eyes. I felt a shiver go up my spine and blood rush to my cheeks. He drank more of the coffee as I looked at the drawings he had done on the walls of the cell. There was one on the wall that was a sketch of a girl in a jester costume.

"You drew this?" I pointed towards the little harlequin.

"You like it?" He asked while swallowing.

"It's beautiful. Even though she's laughing you can see she's in pain." I looked into the eyes of the little clown girl and could practically see myself in them.

"How can you tell all that?" He asked looking up at me.

"Her eyes, there's pain behind them." I looked back at him.

"Perfect." He said under his breath.

"Hmm?" I asked even though I heard what he said.

"Hey, Harley, maybe next time you can spike it." He said with a grin as he handed me the empty coffee cup.

"What? I asked, confused.

"Ya know, give it a little _jazz_." On the word jazz he put his hands up and wiggled his fingers.

"What do you mean?" I giggled.

"Next time add some schnapps to the coffee." He said bluntly.

"J, I can't do that. That's against the rules." I laughed.

"I understand, your job is the main priority." He looked away from me.

"No, it's not like that." He still wasn't looking at me.

"You care about the rules. I get it, I thought you cared about me." He frowned at me. I felt wrong, guilty.

"What kind of schnapps do you like?" I asked, I hoped he would respond. He turned and smiled at me.

"Dealer's choice." He grinned at me.

"I'll see you later, Mr. J." I smiled at him, he winked at me.

I walked out of the cell and I felt relieved that Joker wasn't mad at me. Part of me knew it wasn't right but the rest of me didn't care. Nothing felt worse than when the Joker looked away from me. Some people are scared of his smile but I felt frightened when his smile faded away.

I went into the little breakroom inside the nurses station. Rhonda, one of the older nurses, was a drunk and I knew she kept Butterscotch Schnapps hidden behind a can of coffee. I felt so bad, but I couldn't help but smile. I grabbed the bottle and tucked it inside my lab coat. I snuck out of the nurses station and went to the bathroom.

I locked myself in a stall and looked at the bottle of schnapps in my hand. My heart was racing but I started giggling. I couldn't control it but I was laughing at the fact that I stole a bottle of schnapps from an alcoholic nurse for my patient. I didn't know who I was becoming, but I found it hilarious.

After I pulled myself together I realized it was almost time for the Joker's session. I got some coffee, poured some schnapps in and waited for him. I was giddy with excitement. Finally the guards brought him into the room.

"Harley," He smiled at me. The way he stretched out my name made me blush.

"Good afternoon, J." I said trying to hold in my excitement.

"Do you have a little somethin' for me?" He said with a grin and one of his eyebrows raise.

"I do." I slid the coffee cup to him. He grabbed with both of his handcuffed hands. He took a big gulp then he looked up at me with a big smile.

"Butterscotch. How sweet." He said with a smile.

"You like it?" I asked anxiously.

"Love it. I appreciate this. I'll remember this." He smiled as he drank more coffee. What did he mean by remember?

"I also have this." I put the bottle of schnapps on the table.

"Oh Harley. You've brought me a gift." He smiled at me. "I love gifts." He looked at me in a way that made my heart melt like putty in his hands. I tried to shake myself out of it but his smile was bewitching.

"J, I'm happy you like it. I was so nervous, I've never done anything like that before." I blushed.

"No? Well aren't you a good girl." He said with a smirk. I giggled uncontrollably. "Don't worry, Harley. You won't be a good girl much longer." He smirked and leaned forward. His body was almost halfway across the table when I realized he was going to kiss me. I almost screamed. Quickly I leaned towards him and our lips met.

It was like ecstasy. The moment our lips touched I knew I had completely fallen for him. That part of me with reservations had gone from a scream in my head to a whisper. Our lips parted and he put his forehead to mine, I wanted to faint right there. He grabbed the bottle of schnapps and put it in his pants then sat back down.

"Oh, Harley, my good girl, soon you'll be my little monster." He smiled then playfully growled at me. I laughed then bit my lip. I was still in shock and still walking on air.

We talked more. He told me that once he got out of here he could teach me how to be bad. He told me about adventures he would take me on and places we could go. It all sounded so wonderful. But our fantasies were bombarded by guards that were taking him back to his cell.

"Goodbye, J." I said to him as he walked out.

"See you soon, Harley." He said over his shoulder. I walked out of the session on Cloud 9 and I couldn't help but think about him the rest of the day. When I saw my other patients I doodled on my notepad things like "Mrs. Joker", "J + H". I was almost embarrassed at how easily I fell for him but I was too busy being happy. I was happy. I walked out of Arkham Asylum with a smile on my face and I couldn't wait to return so I could see my Mr. J again.

 **A/N: I had so much fun writing this chapter. I hope things don't seem rushed but I really liked the way things were going. Thank you for your follows and comments; they make me smile. If you have any suggestions or anything please leave a comment. I hoped you liked this chapter! Thanks!**


	4. Broken

**I do not own any of the characters mentioned below.**

I dreamt of him last night. I was wearing a beautiful wedding dress, the Joker was wearing a dashing all black tuxedo. We were standing, alone, on the roof of a skyscraper. All of Gotham behind us, illuminating our wedding. The Joker looked deep into my eyes, like he could see everything that I was.

"Forever?" He asked me.

"Forever." I said softly. I meant it. He put his hands on the back of my neck and pulled me into a deep kiss. I felt myself melt into his arms. When our lips parted he took my hand in his and we jumped off the roof. He held me in his arms as we fell and he put his lips on my forehead. I had never felt safer.

I awoke with a smile on my face. I got ready eagerly and practically skipped the whole way to work. It has been a few days since the Joker had first kissed me. Since then he has revealed many things to me. His father was an abusive alcoholic, he used comedy to cope with things since he was young. The Joker was telling me things about his life. He trusted me.

When I got to Arkham I could feel that something was wrong. When I went through security they looked at me strangely. Once I had my lab coat on I went to the nurses station. The senior resident paged me into his office.

"Good morning, doctor." I said happily.

"It's not so good, Harleen." He frowned, still staring at him computer.

"What's going on?" I asked. I was afraid that he found out about the alcohol I gave the Joker.

"The Joker escaped last night." Right when he said that I felt a knife go through my heart. How could he leave me? Why didn't he say goodbye? I maintained my composure.

"How did he escape?" I asked.

"He had some goons waiting for him outside. He attacked a guard with a glass bottle and used the guards id card to get through the doors." He shook his head. When he said glass bottle my already broken heart had fallen into my stomach.

"I'm sorry. I thought we were making progress. I thought I could help him." I wanted to cry or scream. I wasn't sure which would feel better.

"It's not your fault, kid. He's a criminal, escaping this place is like singing the ABC's for him. Don't blame yourself." He stood up and put his hand on my shoulder.

"No one has escaped since I've been here. I'm not really sure what to do." I looked down at my hands.

"Just go about your day. The police will want to talk to you about his current mental state the day he left. How did his session go?" He asked me as he leaned on the front of his desk.

"It went fine. He seemed to be well mannered and he seemed optimistic in his treatment. We spoke about his childhood, which could have triggered something. He did talk a lot about what he would do when he got out of here. I thought that was just a way for him to keep himself busy. I should have saw the signs." I felt so guilty. I let my judgement be clouded by feelings for a patient. And now I was hurting because of it.

"How could you have known someone would get a glass bottle to him? You did ok, don't be hard on yourself. You're still learning. I know how hard it can be to see them as just flight risks and not people. The police will be here to take your statement, until then, just keep busy." He smiled slightly at me.

"Alright, thanks. I guess I'll go do my rounds." I shrugged my shoulders and left the office. I was walking past the nurses station when one of the girls stopped me.

"Hey, Dr. Quinzel." A young nurse named Marcy called to me.

"Yes?" I asked.

"You had a session with the Joker yesterday, right?" She asked me while the other nurses eavesdropped.

"Yes, I did." I said plainly, already annoyed at this conversation.

"Is it true he had a gun with him?" She whispered to me with a curious smirk.

"No, he didn't have a gun. This is a secured facility and you should know better than to ask. My sessions with my patients are confidential." I snapped at her. "Ya know, Marcy, this isn't the time to gossip. A sick man is out on the street; he could be hurt."

"Probably hurting someone." She said under her breath, the other nurses hummed in agreement.

"Why don't you do your job? Try keeping your opinions for after work, ok?" I said with a smile and walked away. I wanted to hit her, I've never wanted to hit anyone before.

I did my rounds as usual but I felt so betrayed. One part of my head was screaming at myself, he used me just to escape it said; the other part was whimpering like a hurt dog, he'll come back for me it wished. I didn't feel right, I didn't feel like me. I was worried about Joker but I was so angry at him and most of all I blamed myself.

I have always been a level headed person but since I first met the Joker my mind was split into two opposing sides. These parts of my brain argued day and night over the Joker. Now that he was gone they digressed but I didn't feel like I was back to normal.

At lunch I decided to take a nap in the breakroom. I put my head down at the lunch table and quickly fell asleep and started dreaming. It seemed to be a continuation of my last dream, except now I was on the ground. The wedding dress was torn to shreds and I looked down at my hands that were covered with black gloves. I turned around and saw my reflection in the glass building.

I looked identical to the drawing on the Joker's cell wall. I was wearing a little red and black jester costume. My face was painted white and I wore a little black mask. I was admiring my clown costume when I noticed the strings tied to my wrist. The strings went up into the sky and when I followed them I saw Joker. He was over sixty feet tall holding a wooden tablet with strings tied to it.

He lifted the wooden piece into the air and I was jolted up with it. With each twist one of my extremities were moved. My right arm, then my left moved in a little dance. I had no control over myself, it was terrifying. I looked up at the gigantic Joker cackling as he jerked around the strings.

"Dance, my little harlequin." He chanted as he jerked the strings even more. I felt tears streaming down my cheeks as I screamed for it to stop. "Aw, c'mon, Harley. Why the long face?" He said with a laugh.

I jolted awake. I had goose bumps on my arms and my heart was racing. I was happy to be awake, I didn't know why I dreamt of that. The Joker would never hurt me, he cared about me.

I was getting ready to leave when I got paged into the senior residents office again. I rolled my eyes at the beeping pager, I was so drained. I just wanted to go home.

"You needed me?" I said, entering his office.

"I'm gonna need you to keep your pager on you through the night, in case they bring the Joker in." He said plainly.

"Will do." I nodded.

"Alright, have a good night." He said with a half-smile.

"You too." I called as I walked out the door. I almost fell asleep on the train home. When I did get home I laid on my couch and couldn't help but cry. I wasn't sobbing, the tears just fell down my cheeks like they were surrendering to this feeling. I felt broken, I felt like a failure.

I put my pager on the coffee table in front of me and I let myself fall asleep. I woke up to my pager beeping. I sat up and took some deep breaths. They must have found the Joker. My shoulders sank with relief but then my back shivered with fear. What if they hurt him? What if something bad happened?

I quickly fixed my clothing and my glasses. I put on my shoes and grabbed my purse. There wouldn't be a train to go by Arkham for another hour. I had to haul a cab. The ride was much slower than the train. I finally got to Arkham, I threw my cab fair at the driver and ran to the entrance.

I was heading to the senior redient's office when I saw him talking to the chief of police.

"And this is Dr. Harleen Quinzel. She's been working with the Joker." He gestured to me.

"Hello, Dr. Quinzel. The Joker's been caught, he's being brought in now." The chief of police told me.

"Well that's good. Did the officer say what kind of condition he was in?" I asked.

"It wasn't one of my guys. It was Batman." The chief said nonchalantly.

"Batman? That's a major trigger for the Joker. And most of our inmates." I said.

"Dr. Quinzel is right, Chief." The senior resident said. Before the chief could respond he was interrupted by buzzing on his radio. I couldn't understand what it was saying.

"He's bringing him in now." The chief said. We all walked to the entrance. All of the sudden a group of police officers walked in pushing the Joker on a stretcher he was strapped to. He was unconscious and looked like he'd been beaten. His mouth was bloody and his eye was bruised. His shirt was ripped up and he had a cut on his hairline that dripped blood down the side of his face.

Behind him followed a tall figure dressed in all black. It was batman, I had never seen him in real life before and knew nothing about him besides what my patients told me. I hated him, I wanted to hit him for everything he had done to my Joker. I followed the stretcher to his cell. Batman attempted to follow but the chief of police pulled him back.

They put the joke in his cell and I sat on the edge of his cot and cleaned up his wounds. I would be their when he woke up. I would be the first face he saw and I would let him know how much he meant to me. He wouldn't ever be alone, losing him was too much, I would never feel that way _ever_ again.

 **A/N: Joker's back! Even though he wasn't gone very long. I hope you like this chapter, I loved writing it. Thank you for all your reviews, they really make me smile. Please leave me a comment if there is anything you would like to see in the upcoming chapters.**

 **THanks!**


	5. Escape

The Joker had been brought back last night. I stayed for two hours watching him sleep. I watched every rise and fall of his chest, every movement he did in his slumber. While he slept I cleaned up his face, I wiped the blood from his mouth, I cleaned his eye and I stopped just to trace his tattoos, lightly with the tip of my finger. You wouldn't thin by looking at him but his skin was smooth, and seemed fragile, like he could break. I touched him so lightly because I though he might. Finally, his eyes opened, he looked at me and smiled.

"Harley," he said to me in a horse voice, he sounded exhausted.

"Hey, J." I put my hand on his arm. He looked around the cell and started to laugh.

"Ahh, Bats hasn't lost his edge." He said with a grin. He sank further into the bed. He reached his arm around me and placed his hand on the small of my back. I stiffened, unsure whether it was an accident or not. He pulled me towards him. I tensed up.

"C'mere, Harley." He scooted towards the wall, making room for me on the small cot. I laid down next to him, I was sure to be perfectly still. I didn't want to disturb but I knew he noticed how tense I was.

"Relax, Harley." He whispered into my ear. I could feel his breath on my neck. I didn't say anything, I just nodded. I was afraid that if I did speak my voice would shake. We were both really quiet for a long time.

"I missed you." I said softly, breaking the silence. He didn't reply. I stood up to leave, he grabbed my wrist.

"How much? He asked with a smirk and a raised eyebrow.

"So much my heart hurt." I told him.

"That's it? Thought I meant more to you." He smirked.

"You do. You mean everything to me. I couldn't think about anything else. I couldn't eat, I barely slept and when I did you were in my dreams. I was completely broken without you." I said to him with tears welling up.

"Aww, Harley. You thought I'd leave without comin' back for ya? You should know better than that, Harley. You're my girl, my harlequin, my little _monster_." He said with a smile and a laugh.

"I am?" I giggled.

"'Course you are." He grinned, I laughed. "But before we can be together, I'm gonna need some things. Some small favors. After that, it's me and you against the world." He grabbed my chin and kissed my nose. I giggled again.

"What favors?" I asked.

"We'll talk tomorrow. Go home and sleep. Can't have you sleepin' on the job, can I?" He cackled and I nodded and went to leave.

"Harley," he sang my name "come give daddy a kiss." He curled his finger, motioning for me to come back to him. He grabbed the back of my neck and pulled me into him, I practically fell into his lap. The kiss was different than before. This time he put his tongue in my mouth and bit my lip. Our first kiss had been gentle, soft, slow. This had been rough, breathless, fast. When it ended my glasses were tilted and the hair on the back of my head was disheveled. I smoothed the back of my hair and fixed my glasses. I was at the door and turned around to see him biting his lip and he watched me walk out. I blushed.

I told the senior resident that the Joker was well mannered but not very vocal about his escape. He nodded and said I could go home. Once I got home I was exhausted but also very giddy. He was so affectionate towards me; he must have felt the same way about me that I did about him. I wished that he said that he missed me back but he was so closed off that I knew he wouldn't say it but he had to feel the same way. Why else would he act this way towards me?

I slept restlessly. I just want to get back to Arkham and find out what he needed me. I reminded myself of how I used to sleep the night before Christmas or the first day of school. When I woke up I practically threw on my clothes. I was a little tired from the late night but I was just excited to talk to the Joker. He was going to tell me about what he needed me to do. I was scared of letting him down, of failing him. On the train my thoughts took a dark turn.

" _You're not good enough for him_." A voice from inside my mind hissed at me. I had never heard a voice like this and it wasn't my consciousness speaking.

" _No, she deserves better than him_." Another voice said. My head started to pound. I felt like I was going to faint. The train stopped and I spent the walk to Arkham trying to pull myself together. I had never experienced that kind of cognitive conflict before. I tried to brush it off but inside I knew that something was wrong. I got to Arkham and started my rounds immediately. I heard my name called on the intercom to come to the senior resident's office. I rolled my eyes and walked in.

"You needed me?" I asked walking into the room.

"Harleen, sit." He finished typing something on his computer than looked at me. "Do you think you can handle seeing the Joker even more now? Maybe twice a day, five times a week?" He asked.

"Yes I can. I think more sessions would help me try to break that barrier he has built up." I said.

"I'm gonna need you to find out who gave him that bottle. And I want you to try and figure out if anyone at Arkham is helping him." He said it and I tried to hide my fear and paranoia.

"I'll try but he prides himself on his disclosure. He does talk about Batman a lot; I think that last night could have triggered something much deeper. I'm not sure how he will react to therapy now." I said to him.

"Well, try to push him a lot more. We need information from him." He said.

"What information?" I asked suspiciously.

"It's none of your concern right now. Why don't you call down to his guards and start a session with him?" He seemed to be hiding something. I nodded and called down to the Joker's guards to bring him to the therapy room.

I sat in the therapy room for a few minutes before they finally brought him. He was all bruised up and they had him in the straitjacket. I knew that no amount of lecturing would persuade them to take it off of him. Now that he couldn't move his arms I had to hold my coffee up to his lips, my hands trembled whenever I was that close to him.

"Don't you look _ravishing_." Joker said with a growl. I had done my makeup that morning, black eyeliner and red lipstick. I giggled and blushed like a schoolgirl.

"Thank you," I said with a smile.

"Now, Harley, are you well slept?" He said with a smirk. "Did ya eat your _Wheaties_?" He mimicked an over the top sports announcer. I nodded to both questions, and laughed.

"J, we're gonna have to do some actual talking today." I said calmly, he groaned in response. "Do you want to start with how you escaped?" I clicked my pen and got my notepad ready.

"Well, I was so bored, this place is a real drag. And I had finished that treat you gave me a little early." He grinned at me. "I told the guard I cut myself and when he came in I hit him with the bottle." He smiled proudly. I wanted to smile with him but I knew I shouldn't support that kind of behavior.

"So, because you were bored you attacked the guard. Why do you think you do this?" I asked and got ready to write his response in my note pad.

"Why are you tryna shrink me, Harley?" His smile faded and he looked offended.

"J, I'm your psychiatrist." I said.

"Only my friends call me J." He said plainly with a slight growl in his voice.

"J, I'm sorry, I just- "

"I said only my friends call me J." He hissed at me.

"I'm sorry, Joker. We have to talk about these kinds of things." He ignored me. "Please don't be angry with me." He still didn't look at me. I started to panic.

"Joker please. Talk to me." He still looked away from me. "You don't understand how much this hurts me." As a last resort I remembered the stuffed animal I had in my pocket. "I brought you something."

He turned his head to me. "Ya know, doctor, I live for these moments with you." He said without a smile.

"I feel the same way, J. I spend night and day thinking about you. I'm sorry for making you feel neglected. I won't try to shrink you, ever again." I said to him with every possible ounce of honesty I had.

"Whatdya got there?" He nodded down at my hands. It hurt me that he didn't react to what I just said but I decided to ignore it.

"I brought you a kitty." I held up a little stuffed cat that we gave to a lot of patients to cheer them up.

"So thoughtful." He growled, almost seductively.

"There is something you can do for me, doctor." He said in an almost whisper.

"Anything." I replied. "I mean, yes." I clarified.

"I need a machine gun." He said plainly.

"A machine gun?" I asked rhetorically. My heart fell to my stomach. He started to cackle. I was less afraid of what he would do with a gun and more afraid of the fact that I would get it for him. He had changed something within me. I've never been careless, or reckless, I've always followed the rules. Our session seemed to be over. I walked outside to tell the guards to bring him back at one for another session.

"I'm gonna be seeing him twice a day now. The sessions might be flexible but I'll give you a heads up first." I smiled politely, they nodded in agreement. "He's a little on edge since everything that went on yesterday. Try to be less aggressive with him, if possible. We don't need any unnecessary violence." I spoke nicely and they agreed.

They got him and I could see them trying to be less aggressive. He winked at me on his way out and whispered the word "soon" to me as he left. I didn't know what that meant and I certainly didn't know how to get a machine gun. I went back to the nurse's station and logged some things into the computer.

"Hey, Harleen." One of the younger doctors said to me. His name was David and he was nice.

"Hi, David." I replied and continued my work.

"Me and some of the other doctors are going to go out for a quick lunch. Would you like to join us?" He asked with a kind smile.

"Um, I have a lot of work to do." I said sadly and he frowned.

"Oh, don't worry about it. Next time?" He said with a hopeful smile. He was very understanding and the other doctors never invited me anywhere.

"You know what, I'm staying late anyway, I can do it then. I'll grab my coat." I stood up.

"Great! I'll walk with you." He smiled and walked by my side. He started here a little before I did and was very welcoming. We were almost to the front entrance when we heard the sound of an explosion come from the other end of the hospital. We both looked at each other then walked quickly towards the sound. We heard a few other loud noises, similar to gun shots, coming from the same corridor the Joker's cell was located.

"Ha, Ha, Ha, Ha." I heard from the opposite side of the corridor that was covered in smoke. I couldn't see him but I recognized his laugh. Joker had escaped his cell once again, but this time it wasn't me who helped.

"Harley," He sang my name as he walked forward.

"Is that the Joker?" David whispered. I nodded and held my finger up to my lips telling him to be quiet.

"J, come out, come out wherever you are." I said forcing my voice to sound playful, trying very hard not to be scared.

"Oh Harley, you know I love a good game." He growled from the smoke filled hallway.

"Come where I can see you, J. So we can play a game." I said trying to bait him. He didn't respond. "J, I just want to make sure you aren't hurt. That was a big explosion." I called into the hallway.

"Who's this?" Joker growled from behind me. David practically jumped out of his skin, I flinched.

"J, thank god you aren't hurt." I exhaled. "This is Dr. David Robertson, one of my colleagues." I said trying to get him to look at me. His eyes were locked on David, he looked animalistic.

"Ts, ts, ts, ts, ts. Doctor Dave, now I know you're not tryna take my girl." Joker grabbed David by the chin and squeezed his jaw. David whimpered in pain and looked terrified. "Cause I wouldn't like that, not one itty-bitty bit." Joker smiled maliciously in David's twisted face.

"J, let him go. He wants to help you. You look like you're hurt." I tried to reason with him, he had a large cut on his arm. He pushed me back.

"Yeah, J, please let me go." David spoke breathlessly, while the Joker squeezed his face. Joker let go of the man's chin only to grab hold of his throat.

"Only my friends call me J." Joker whistled and all the sudden a handgun was thrown to him from the, seemingly empty, smoke filled hallway. "And _you_ aren't my friend." Joker threw the man onto the ground, cocked his gun, and pulled the trigger. I gasped and tried to cover my eyes. I saw David get shot in the head. I shut my eyes as tight as I could. I didn't see him but I heard his laugh. I was so scared he would turn the gun on me. All the sudden I felt Joker's hand on me.

"Get up, Harley." He pulled me up by my arm. When I was up I could see the blood splatters on his face and chest. My heart was racing and I was shaking. "Sh, sh, sh." He pulled my head to his chest.

"Mr. J, I'm scared." I said into his bare chest.

"I know." He spoke into the top of my head, I heard a smile in his voice. "Clear out." He called to the other end of the hallway. "Let's go _home_ , Harley." He said.

"Home?" I asked. He didn't respond. We turned a corner and I saw two guards with guns aiming at us.

"Freeze!" They demanded. I put my hands up and froze. Joker laughed and turned around. He put his hands on his head, waiting for them to cuff him. They cuffed him with confused looks on their faces. They started jerking him around and being aggressive.

"I'm his psychiatrist." I said putting my hands out. "He's cooperating, there is no need to get aggressive." I tried to say as polite as possible.

"Shut up. I'm not gonna listen to the Joker's little slut." He said to me. I was about to respond but Joker interrupted me.

"What'd you call her?" He growled.

"Your little slut. It's what she is." The guard said sucking his teeth. Joker laughed at the man who was standing behind him holding his cuffed hands. All of the sudden he threw his head back and hit the man in the face. The guard was knocked unconscious; the other guard drew his gun and I don't know what came over me but I hit the man in the face and he fell to the ground. I punched him right in the chin as hard as I could, my knuckles throbbed. Joker cackled and jumped around.

"Harley, the cuffs." Joker nodded to the keyring on the guard's belt. I grabbed the keys and released him. "I'm gonna need that gun now."

 **A/N: I loved writing this chapter. What did you think? Leave me a comment if you have anywhere you want it to go or any characters you would want me to add. Thanks for all your reviews, follows, favorites. I'm so happy that this story has gotten such positive reaction.  
Thanks!**


	6. Shocked

**I don't own any of the characters mentioned below.**

We walked out of Arkham. He held me tightly in one arm, I could feel his fingertips leaving bruises on my skin, and held an assault rifle in the other. There was a black van with tinted windows parked in front of the entrance. Joker let me go and opened the door for me; I held my right hand tightly, it hurt so bad, when I punched the guard I must have did something to it. When the door opened I saw about seven masked men sitting on the floor of the van, there weren't any seats in the back.

"Get in." Joker growled. I got into the van and tried to not look at the men. I was afraid. I knew Joker would protect me, _he loves me_. I pulled my knees up to my chest and just tried to focus on breathing. I was trying so hard to get the image of David being shot out of my mind, I tried to forget seeing Joker shoot the two guards we ran into. I was trying to convince myself that the Joker wouldn't hurt me, that I was safe with him. Joker whispered something to the driver of the car then the driver speed out of the Arkham lot.

The men in the back eyed me suspiciously and gripped their guns tightly. Joker peered into the back at me. "How's the hand, Harley?" He smiled.

"It's fine, it's just a little sore. I've never hit anyone before." I said with red cheeks. I looked down at my hand, my thumb was beginning to swell.

"Really?" Joker clapped. "Well you're a natural." He laughed. He looked at my hand. "Boys, one of you set her thumb. You can't tuck the thumb in. You gotta hit like this- ". He held a fist out. One of the men scooted over to me and held their hand out. I put my hand forward and they turned it.

"On the count of three." The man said in a low voice. He lightly gripped my thumb which sent pain up to my arm. "1," He pulled on my thumb hard causing me to gasp. It hurt so badly but then the pain went away, mostly. Joker laughed hysterically and the masked man nodded to me. I stretched my hand and wiggled my thumb and it was basically back to normal.

We seemed to be in the car for over an hour until we finally stopped. I sat up and looked out the tinted window. I saw a ton of trees, I grew up in Gotham and never really saw forests much. Joker hopped out, giddy with excitement. He pulled open the van door and looked at me with excitement in his eyes, he reminded me of a child on Christmas morning. I grabbed his hand for support as I climbed out of the van. The other men were getting out when Joker took me in his arms. He held my face in his hands and looked at me with such a passionate but somber look. He stroked my lips with his thumb and tucked a lock of hair behind my ear.

"What's up, J?" I whispered to him.

"Just admiring." He said in a soft growl. I blushed.

"Admiring what?" I said baiting him to call me beautiful.

"Your pretty face; it won't be pretty much longer." He said plainly. My heart dropped and I felt like my throat had dried out. He shook his head then walked towards the front door of a small, run down building. I felt like I couldn't move; I was so scared. Joker turned around and waved for me to follow. I did and the other men walked behind me.

The inside of the building was more rundown than the exterior. The floor was dirty and creaked with every step, there was a sound of water dripping, one wall had a hole in it that looked like a makeshift window, I felt claustrophobic. However, the inside did seem to open up. We turned down a hallway and I saw what looked like barred prison cells. There was blood on the floor in most of the cells. Joker stopped at a metal door at the end of the hallway.

"Ready for the show?" He asked me with a theatrical smile. I forced myself to smile and nod even though I wanted to cry. Joker opened the door and I saw various medical instruments on table and in the middle of the room was a chair with restraints attached to it. I wanted to run but I felt like I was frozen. Joker gestured for me to go to the chair but I couldn't.

"Harley, to the stage please." He boomed.

"What are you gonna do to me?" I asked without trying to hide the fear in my voice.

"Testing your loyalty." He said with a smile. I turned to run but two of the men grabbed me. Their fingers dug into my arms. I screamed for them to stop and let me go but they didn't. They put me into the chair and tried to hold me down. I threw my arms into the air trying to fight them, they tried to get the restraints on me. I fought as hard as I could but they were much stronger than I was. I didn't stop fighting but they managed to hold me down long enough to restrain me. They walked away once I was secured. Tears started to well up and I felt like I couldn't breathe. I heard whistling from the other end of the room. I looked to see Joker whistling a cheerful tune.

"So this is it? You're gonna kill me, Mr. J?" I asked, my voice quaked and tears streamed down my cheeks.

"Oh I'm not gonna kill ya." He said, his voice a bit raspy. "I'm just gonna hurt ya. Really. Really. _Bad_." He growled and held up an instrument used in electroshock therapy. I screamed and he put a leather strap between my teeth. Why was he doing this to me? Hadn't I proved my loyalty? I cried and he flipped the large switch to turn on the machine. He put the instrument to my temples and everything went black.

I opened my eyes and everything seemed hazy, almost muted. I looked around and I was in my childhood bedroom. I was laying in my old twin bed with pink sheets. I listened carefully and could hear yelling coming from the living room. I walked out of my bedroom and the hallway was the same as it was when I was young. There were school pictures of me on the walls, my gymnastics medals were displayed in a shadow box on the wall with a newspaper clipping that had my picture and a little title about my win. I walked towards the living room, I saw my father in the glow of the television.

"You can't do this. You can't leave your daughter." He hissed. I walked into the living room and saw my mother. She was fully dressed and carrying a suitcase, she had red rings around her eyes like she had been crying. She was standing at the front door, my father had her wrist in his hand.

"You can't leave me. I'm all you have." He growled at my mother. They both looked over at me. "Harls, baby, your mama's leavin' ya." Dad said plainly. I held my tears back. Mom mouthed the word "sorry" and walked out the door. My knees gave out and I fell to the floor and started to cry. I watched my dad fall into his recliner and swallow the last of his beer.

"Harls, get me a beer." He said with a belch. I was so angry. When she left it was because of him; he beat her, he was always drunk, he hit me, he cheated on her. She left me with him.

"No." I whispered, my voice sounded so soft and high pitched.

"What did you say to me?" He sat up, his forehead wrinkled.

"No." I said wiping my eyes.

"Harleen, get your ass in that kitchen and get me a beer!" He yelled, his voice always made me flinch.

"This is your fault." I whispered. Hoping he wouldn't hear me. I could tell by his facial expression that he did.

"No, this is your fault. Your mom didn't want you anymore. Nobody cares about you. You're worthless." He spit the words at me. They felt like bullets. I got up and walked to the kitchen. I walked past a mirror and stopped looking at my seven-year-old self. My blonde curls ending below my shoulders and my big blue eyes were red and puffy. I was wearing my favorite nightgown, it was baby pink with long sleeves and it was so soft. I went to the kitchen and got him a cold Bud Light and handed it back to him. Dad grabbed the back of my head and pulled me towards him, kissing my forehead.

"I'm all you got in this world." He said into my hair. His voice made my skin crawl and my heart hurt. I went back to bed and I wondered why I was back here. I wondered why I was back in this moment, a moment I tried so hard to forget. That night I cried for hours into my pillow making sure I was silent. I finally fell asleep after I had cried out everything I had until I could cry no more.

I opened my eyes to see the joker staring at me with a smile. My head was pounding and my entire body ached. I was still restrained.

"Do you hate me?" He asked with a straight face.

"I could never hate you." I said, my voice hoarse.

"Do you want more?" He asked with a teasing grin.

"If it will show you my loyalty." I said with a tear going down my cheek. He bit his lip and then kissed my forehead.

"Harley, don't tempt me." He said with my face in his hands. He pecked a kiss at my nose. "Boys, why don't you give me and my little pet some privacy?" He said cheerfully.

"J, I am loyal to you. I- I- I love you." I said with exhaustion. He started to laugh which hurt me more than the electroshock did.

"Oh Harley, how…pathetic." He said with a smirk. What he said didn't hurt me, it didn't change how I felt.

"It is pathetic. You've completely changed me. When I'm with you my heart races and my palms sweat and my stomach feels like its full of butterflies. You make me feel- "

"Scared?" He asked with a smile.

"Yes." I said, he smiled and nodded. "Scared of losing you. Scared of not being good enough for you." His smile faded and he looked at me. It may have been the most honest I had ever seen him his eyes seemed to fall and his lips were straight. He looked like he wanted to hear more but all the sudden he pulled himself out of it. I got to see the man behind the clown for just a moment; that man was sad and vulnerable and so lonely. I wanted to see that man again, more than anything.

"Harley, I'm all you got in this world." He kissed my forehead and I felt the pain in my chest that I did they day my father told me that. Maybe my father was right, maybe I was worthless. It didn't matter what I was. What did matter was finding the man behind the clown. I wasn't sure if I would ever see that man again; but I would take whatever torture the Joker would afflict upon me just to see him again.

 **A/N: Ahh! I loved writing this chapter! We don't get much background on Harley so I figured I'd write some. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. How do you feel about her seeing a glimpse of "the man behind the clown"? Leave me a review! And thank you for all the reviews, favorites, and reviews. They really make me smile :)  
** **Thanks!**


	7. Voices

I was exhausted. My body hurt, my head throbbed. I had been locked in this place for days. Everyday Joker would beat me then take me to the "shock room" then he would take me into a cell and say terrible things to me. At the end of all of it he would ask "Do you hate me?" with a menacing grin. I would always say no. When I said no he would then ask "Do you want more?" I would always say yes and he would bounce with excitement.

I sat on the cold cement floor of a cell, wheezing. Yesterday Joker kicked me in the side so hard I think he broke one of my ribs. I wanted this all to stop but I couldn't say that I hated him. I could never hate him. This guard who always watched me had given me a few sips of water out of sympathy, he was the same one that set my finger for me. I kept hearing things; voices.

" _What are you doing to yourself? To us?_ " One voice would say.

" _Leave her alone. She's in love._ " Another voice would say. I liked this voice it sounded like my mother's.

" _Her 'love' is gonna kill us all._ " A voice from the back of my head chimed in. When the voices started to argue my head felt like it was going to explode. I screamed and cried, I told them to be quiet; they never listened. I was afraid of myself, I couldn't control myself anymore. One minute I would be sobbing then bust into hysterical laughter. My mood swings seemed lethal; I once got so bored my body threw itself into the cell walls.

There was one voice in particular that scared me the most. It was a very feminine voice, high pitched, similar to my accent but much more exaggerated. She loved the Joker, more than I did. She obsessed over him, images of Joker constantly flooded my mind. Sometimes it felt like she took over me. She enjoyed the torture, in fact, she begged for more. I heard footsteps coming down the hall. I knew it was Joker. I heard the voice start to giggle in my mind, she called herself Harley.

" _I want to play._ " She whispered in my head. I screamed no but before I knew it I was imprisoned in my own mind. I was forced to watch her take over my body. I felt like a third person watching it all happen. Harley stood up and practically slithered over to the cell bars.

"Are we gonna play, Mistah J?" She teased him. He like Harley a lot more, she made him laugh.

"Oh Harley, let's play." He growled and nipped at my nose through the bars. She giggled maniacally. The guard unlocked the cell and Joker escorted Harley by the hand. I wanted to scream. I felt like I was locked away; I didn't know if I could ever be myself again.

Harley danced around the torture chamber. She stopped at the chair used for his electroshock "therapy" she laid back in it. "Mistah J," she sang.

"Harley," He sang back to her. He walked towards the chair, he was shirtless. I was captivated by the contours of his muscles. I felt Harley pull up my skirt.

"Take me, Mistah J." She begged. He looked tempted, like he was going to pounce on me but shook himself out of it. She pouted like a child, how could someone act that way? She sat up and grabbed onto his belt buckle, she pulled him towards me. She kissed his neck and bit him which made him chuckle. She snickered into his collar bone. He shook his head and pushed her back roughly. He started to restrain her.

He put the leather strap between my teeth. He flipped the switch and put the instrument to my temples. I felt every watt and spark go into my head. It shocked me and my entire body tensed and my heart pounded. I couldn't take anymore. With every time he did this more of myself faded away, I was losing my memory, there were new voices taking up residence in my head every day. I was breaking, he was breaking me. When the electricity stopped and my heart rate slowed Joker took off the restraints. He grabbed my face.

"Harley, do you _hate_ me?" He asked with a smile but his eyes were sad.

"Never." I said. I finally had control back of my body. "J, I'm scared."

"Of me?" He asked with a smile. I shook my head.

"Of me." I said, I could hear the fear causing my voice to shake. Joker started to chuckle then began to inch towards me.

"Welcome to the club, _sweetie_." He growled into my ear. I could feel his breath on my skin, I could smell whisky clinging to his lips. I moved closer to him, a few centimeters at a time. I put my forehead to his, if he felt this way all the time I pitied him. My mental state was more torturous than anything he had done to me. His lips were right in front of me, I wanted to feel them. Despite his rugged appearance his lips were soft and his mouth smelt like an old fashioned.

I pressed my lips to his cheek. He must've gone a few days without shaving, his cheek was stubbly. My breathing deepened. I wanted him, when I was with him the voices were quiet. I yearned for silence. I reached my hands around his waist and pulled him towards me. I ran my hands over his bare skin, my hands came across scars and the contours of his muscles. I pressed my lips to his and wanted to melt in his arms. I wanted to disintegrate into the kiss, into him. I was tired of the pain, of the torture, of the noise. I wanted to fade into him.

He kissed me back furiously. He pulled me towards him; his hands found themselves around my waist. He bit my lip hard, like he was trying to draw blood. He kissed me breathlessly moving his kiss to my chin then down to my neck. He bit my neck which startled me then he kissed his way back to my lips. He put his hands around my throat as he kissed me. His grip grew tighter and tighter until I couldn't breathe.

"This is how easy I can kill you." He hissed into my ear then nipped at my earlobe.

"Please. Kill me." I managed to spit out the words, his grasp on my throat was getting tight. He looked at me with excitement and curiosity in his eyes. He let me go and walked away from me. He was so hot and cold, he always left me wanting more. He walked out of the room and had one of the guards escort me out. I expected to be put back in my cell but the guard walked me right past it. We walked out of the building and the guard put me into the back of a black car. Joker got into the other side. I wanted to scream with excitement. No more torture, he trusted me. I turned to look out the window but Joker grabbed my chin and pulled my face towards him.

His kiss was lustful but somewhat cryptic. He pushed himself on top of me and kissed me, he had hunger in his eyes like he was a rabid animal. The way he kissed me seemed primitive and animalistic, like he was running on instincts alone. It was raw and a bit clumsy and most of all we were close, we were intimate. Feeling the heat of his skin on mine hushed the voices plaguing my thoughts.

Through the car ride we kissed. The car stopped in front of an old apartment building. We got out of the car and walked into the building. We got into an old elevator and went to the top floor. The elevator screeched to a stop and we got out. Joker opened a large metal door that lead to a pitch black room. He flipped on the switch and I was blinded by what looked like carnival lights. It seemed like the apartment was a big top circus tent, there were lit signs on every wall, the floor looked like a checker board. There was a large metal cage that held two sleeping dogs, when they perked up I could see that they were hyenas. I looked around the room to see arcade games and gun displays, a painting on a wall that looked like Batman's dead body hanging from a tight rope with Joker balancing over the corpse.

"Whatdya think?" Joker asked with a smile, leaning against a Pacman game.

"This place is magnificent. Did you paint this?" I asked nodding to the Batman painting. Joker nodded. He walked towards me but when he walked towards the hyenas they snarled at him. He growled back at them. I giggled at his stance as he showed his teeth to the animals.

"These wretched beasts despise me." He said with a smile. "I want to show you something." He smiled maliciously and waved for me to come to him. He opened these two doors and I saw what must've been his bedroom. There was a large bed in the middle of the room with a disheveled white comforter on it. There were black out curtains covering all the windows and there was a table in the corner littered with guns and knives. Joker jumped onto the bed and curled his finger, gesturing for me to come to him.

I walked over to him with a smile and he pulled me onto the bed. He pulled himself on top of me and put his hands around my throat. He tightened his grip on me, I was running out of air.

"Welcome home, my little harlequin."

 **A/N: This was an interesting chapter to write. The next few chapters will be very important and a bit different. Hope you're enjoying the story so far! Thank you so much for all the wonderful reviews, follows, and favorites. Please leave me a review if you have any questions, comments, suggestions, etc.  
** **Thanks!**


	8. Loyalty

I opened my eyes, surrounded by the pink and plush prison that was my childhood bedroom. I hated seeing this place, it made me feel sick. I heard the front door open. I looked at the clock, it was three in the morning. Dad was stumbling in drunk again. I could hear him toddle around the house in a drunken stupor like a child still learning to walk. I could hear his heavy work boots tripping down the hallway. I could hear him sniffle, he was crying. At this point, my mother had been gone for about a month and he was taking it out on me. He would push me when I walked past him, slap me if I said anything to him, when I yelled at him to leave me alone he grabbed my arm and put his cigarette to it.

When I heard him stop at my bedroom door my heart dropped to my stomach and my throat closed up. I feared for what he would do to me when he opened it. After about a minute of crying in front of my door he finally opened it. My father was a tall, robust man. He stood in my doorway like a giant making my bedroom furniture look miniature.

"You up?" He asked, slurring the words together. I didn't respond, I held my breath and prayed to whatever would listen to make him go away. He stumbled over to my bed tripping over a baby doll on the floor. He dropped onto my twin mattress and pulled back my covers, revealing me in my nightgown. I tried to stay as still as a statue, maybe if I stayed still long enough he wouldn't think I was there. I felt his large, calloused hand on my leg, my skin crawled. He put his hand up my nightgown and tears fell onto my pillow. I wanted to scream, I wanted to hit him, I wanted my mother to run in and stop him, I wanted someone to save me.

These kind of nights continued for a decade. Each night I prayed to meet someone strong enough to stop him, no one like that ever came. No one ever saved me from him. There were nights that I slept with a knife under my pillow and promised myself I would kill him when he came in. I never did, I was too afraid.

I woke up in a strange room. I was naked, entangled in a white sheet. I was so happy to be awake. Since the electro torture, I had been going back to memories I'd buried long ago. I looked at my arms that were sprinkled with finger shaped bruises. I got up and wrapped myself in the sheet. I walked around the room. There was a desk in the corner of the room riddled with papers.

I sat down on the desk chair and peaked at the papers. I feared for what Joker would do if he caught me snooping. I opened one of the desk drawers and under a pistol and a few papers there was an old leather bound journal. I flipped it open and was in awe of the pure insanity that was his writing. He ignored the margins of the paper completely, he used punctuation so peculiarly, there would be a capital letter in the middle of a word or a drawing in the middle of the page that related to nothing mentioned. I followed his words the best I could and he spoke with such pain. He wrote letters to his father, letters to Batman which were extremely gruesome.

I heard footsteps near the door and I scurried to the bed. I sat in the bed, wrapped in a sheet, covered in bruises and bite marks. The door was opened by a man in a black suit. He was clean cut and didn't seem shaken by my nudity.

"We got you some clothes. The bathroom is through that door. Boss wants you dressed and in the club." He said plainly. He put a small pile of folded clothes and a pair of leather boots on the bed in front of me. He nodded curtly then walked out of the room. I grabbed the clothes, they were mine. They must've gone to my apartment. I inhaled the clothes deeply, smelling my own scent. I wanted to go home.

I went to the bathroom and showered quickly. I looked down of myself and took in the amount bruises I saw on my body, some were new and purple and others faded to yellow with age. I got out of the shower and wrapped myself in a large white towel. I looked into the mirror hanging over the sink, it had a big crack in it that seemed to cut my face in half. I looked at myself. I had deep purple rings around my eyes, my bottom lip was swollen, and I had a bite mark on my neck that looked like I had a run in with a vampire. There were hand shaped bruises wrapping my neck like fine jewelry. I didn't look like myself.

I dressed quickly and tried to navigate my way to the club. I walked down a few flights of stairs and opened a metal door. I saw Joker accompanied by men in suits sitting at the bar. The men turned to see me walk towards them. Joker turned and looked at me with a predatory smile.

"Harley Quinn," Joker boomed in a loud dramatic voice. The way he stretched out the syllables reminded me of the announcers before a boxing match. I giggled in response, when I got to him he took my face in his right hand and twisted my face upward revealing my neck and its bite mark.

"I sure did a number on ya." He chuckled. My cheeks got red. He sat down on a bar stool and slapped the one next to him cueing me to sit. When I sat down he looked at me with a grin.

"Pick your poison." He said with a smile.

"I'm fine with water." I said with a polite smile. The bartender turned to get a glass but stopped in his place when Joker started to chuckle.

"Water?" He scoffed. "The lady will have…" he looked me up and down. "get her a 7&7." He ordered to the bartender, he nodded and went to make it.

"Boss, we found out who ratted." One of the suit clad men said.

"Oh? And who might that be?" Joker asked with a smile.

"One of Angelo's guys. He took a plea and told 'em about the guns." The man said plainly. I tried not to listen.

"Ya know where he is?" Joker's smile and eyes widened simultaneously.

"He's gonna be at his usual spot tonight." He replied. Joker put his hand on my thigh.

"Well we're just gonna have to go pay him a little visit. Aren't we?" Joker asked with a laugh and patted my leg. The bartender put my drink in front of me. I took it off its coaster and took a sip. It was sweet at first but when it hit my throat it burned and tasted like poison. It sent me into a coughing fit. Joker started to cackle which then gave permission to his acquaintances' laughter. My cheeks flushed and I tried to laugh off the burning in my throat and the hit to my confidence.

The laughter subsided and Joker stood up and walked over to the man that brought me my clothes. He whispered something in the man's ear.

"Yes, Boss." The man nodded and walked out.

"Harley, let's go on a walk." He smiled. He held out his arm and I took it. We walked out of the club and around the building he told me that he needed to trust me, I told him he could always trust me. We stopped and entered a stairwell and walked down to the garage. We got in the back of a black car. I sat next to Joker and looked at him in awe. He was beautiful, he wore a gold suit jacket with a partially buttoned maroon colored shirt underneath. I could see his tattoos and his muscles. The car sped out of the garage, a black van followed behind us. The driver whipped around corners and raced down alleyways. We finally stopped in front of an old bar. Joker got out first and helped me out of the car. We walked into the bar and Joker jumped around in excitement. When he walked in the whole bar stopped.

"Good evening _, friends_." Joker laughed hysterically. He walked over to a pool table and stopped behind a man shooting pool. The man wore a tacky suit and his hair was oiled back. When he felt Joker behind him he froze.

"Hey, J." The man said turning around, swallowing loudly. I could see the pool cue shake in his trembling hands.

"Paulie, only my friends call me J." Joker growled patting the man's cheek.

"Of course, Joker." Paulie nodded nervously.

"Now what's this I hear about your plea bargain?" Joker smiled.

"I uhh, I dunno. I swear I didn't rat on ya, J." Paulie's eyes scanned the room for help.

"Ya didn't rat? My sources tell me otherwise." Joker squeezed the man's face. "Now Paulie, I know exactly what kind of putrid, scoundrel you are. I love ya for it. But it's not good for business, baby." Joker patted Paulie's cheek. Joker pulled a gun from leather holster he wore under his jacket. He put the gun to the man's head, cocked it back and pulled the trigger. I closed my eyes tightly, I didn't want to see that. I heard a thump as Paulie's body hit the floor.

Joker must've saw me with my eyes closed because he pushed me onto the ground. He walked away from me and the dead body. "Boys, no witnesses." He chuckled.

I held my hands over my ears to block out the sounds of the gunshots. It was so loud. I opened my eyes and saw Joker holding a man by the color in front of me.

"Harley," He whispered. "I've got a gift for you." He took a pistol out of the other side of his holster and handed it to me. My throat dried out, I didn't think I could speak. The man stood in front of me shaking pleading for me to put the gun down. Joker stood there observing.

"I can't." I said softly. A tear fell down my cheek.

"No, you won't." He growled. The man in front of me began to sob and I couldn't get myself to pull the trigger. How could I kill a man as I looked into his eyes? I wasn't a monster; I didn't want to become one.

"Now!" Joker screamed, causing me to flinch. I held the gun up to the man's head. My stomach twisted and my heart raced. I had to do it. He wouldn't love me anymore if I didn't do this. I cocked back the gun, which took most of my strength, I put my finger on the trigger. Tears fell down my face and I felt like I was going to be sick.

I pulled the trigger and the gun jerked back almost knocking me over. I watched the man fall to the floor and felt like I was going to faint. I turned and started to dry heave. Joker laughed hysterically. I stood up and pointed the gun at Joker.

"Why did you make me do it?" I asked with tears streaming down my cheeks.

"I didn't make you do anything." Joker sneered. "That was all you, baby." He licked his lips and winked at me.

"I didn't want to do that. You gave me no choice." I cried.

"You had a choice. And you chose me. C'mon baby, put the gun down. You have a choice now; choose me." He spoke with such charm, he loved me. I could see a glimmer in his eyes.

"I don't want to do that ever again." I said softly.

"Oh but baby, you're so good at it." He winked and smiled at me. A smile started to creep its way onto my lips. I lowered the gun. He put his hand on my cheek and kissed me. I kissed him back.

"Oh, Harley." He chuckled. Before I knew it I was on the ground. He hit me in the face throwing me backwards. I put my hands to my cheek and started to cry. Why would he do that to me?

"I'm sorry, baby." He said crouching down to me. He pulled me towards him kissing the top of my head. He didn't mean it. He was sorry. I nestled my head into his chest. Joker stood up and grabbed my hand to help me up.

"I want to take you somewhere. I think you're ready." He said with a chuckle. We walked out of the restaurant, it looked like a bloodbath. We got back in the car. We drove for a little bit then the car stopped in front of an old building. It was old and dingy and the structure was a bit Gothic. I read ACE CHEMICALS on the front of the building in flickering lights. Joker helped me out of the car with a mischievous smile.

I heard the car speed off as we walked into the building. The building smelt like a mixture of a chemistry lab and a broom closet. The smell of chemicals invaded my nostrils and made my eyes water. Joker held me by the hand as we walked up flights of stairs. We stopped at a platform, I walked towards the edge and looked over what looked like a dozen vats of bubbling chemicals that looked like small swimming pools.

"Question," Joker said catching my attention. "Would you die for me?"

"Yes." I said without hesitation.

"That's too easy. Would you..." He hesitated for a moment "Would you _live_ for me? Hmm?"

"Yes." I said to him softly.

"Careful, do not say this oath _thoughtlessly._ " He hissed. "Desire become surrender, surrender becomes _power_." He put his hand over my mouth. "Do you want this?" He stroked my lip with his finger.

"I do." I said to him. I wanted to give myself to him.

"Say it. Say it, say it _. Say it_." He bent his head back and growled into the air. "Pretty, pretty, pretty, pretty…" He whispered putting his hand on my face.

"Please." I whispered.

"God," he smiled "you're so…" he laughed "Good."

I knew what I had to do. I would do it for him; I would do anything for him. I turned and stepped towards the edge of the platform. I turned around to look at him; I was fearful that would be the last time I would see him. I took another step backward. I exhaled all my fear, I had faith in our love. I had faith in Joker and everything that he was. I knew then as much as I know that we will all day someday that I loved Joker and he loved me. I knew that we were completely in love. I put my arms out and fell backwards. I was at peace, I had no fear that I would die or that he would harm me in anyway. I took a literal leap of faith and I fell trusting in the love we had for each other.

When I fell into the vat of chemicals my skin started to burn, it went into my mouth and nose and I felt it burn my eyes. I never learned to swim and I felt myself just sinking to the bottom. I accepted my fate. I closed my eyes and exhaled the last of the air in my lungs. I was sinking to the bottom and images of Joker flashed in my mind. I looked up to the surface and I saw Joker dive in. I saw his arms outstretch towards me. He took me in his arms and pulled me from the water. I looked up at him, he held me in arms so gallantly. He saved me. My skinned burned but I was too amazed by Joker to react. He was a hero, my hero.

I took an oath. I would be loyal to the Joker until the day I die. He was my love, my king, my everything. I would die for him and I would live for him and I would do everything in between. I would live and die by this oath, for my Joker.

 **A/N: AHH! The much anticipated Ace Chemical scene! I loved writing this chapter. I hope things don't seem too rushed, but I sort of like the fast speed because their relationship seems a bit fast and unplanned. I hope you enjoyed reading this chapter as much as I loved writing it. This is probably the longest chapter and it might be my favorite. Thank you for all your lovely reviews, follows, and favorites!**  
 **Thanks!**


	9. Harley

**I do not own any of the characters mentioned.**

I had been laying there for a while. Joker was still sleeping; I had woken up maybe an hour ago. I decided to stay still and just watch him. My eyes followed the rise and fall of his chest, I traced his tattoos with my fingertips as lightly as possible. I watched the fluttering of his eyelids, I wondered what he was dreaming about. I studied the slight snore coming from his nose. My head rested in the crook of his arm and if I put my ear to the side of his rib cage I could hear his heart beat.

I finally had the body for myself. When we jumped into the vat of chemicals something changed. I got stronger and she gave up. _Harley was here to stay_. I could still hear the uptight bitch scream from the back of _my_ mind; I ignored her. I had my Joker all to myself and no one was gonna get in the way.

Joker started to stir in his sleep and whisper things I couldn't hear then he sat up abruptly. He gasped and started to breathe heavily.

"You ok, Mistah J?" I asked kissing his bare shoulder.

"Get off me." He shouted and pushed me to the other side of the bed. I giggled, and sat back up.

"Want some breakfast?" I asked with a smile.

"That would be wonderful, Harley." He said with a chuckle, he moved a lock of hair from my face. I sat up, not bothering to cover myself. I saw his shirt balled up on the foot of the bed. I picked it up and slipped it on. I walked out of his bedroom and into the little kitchen that was near his carnival room. I opened the fridge and there wasn't much. I grabbed a carton of eggs and a half loaf of bread I found in the cupboard. I made him some eggs over easy and some buttered toast. I brought it to him in bed with a cup of coffee, black with three sugars.

"Oh, Harley. Breakfast in bed?" He smiled and cut into his eggs. He took big bites and soaked up his running yolk with a piece of toast. He washed it down with coffee. I sat there cross-legged twirling my hair in my finger watching him eat. He finished the last of his eggs and toast and took the last gulp of coffee.

"Deelicious." Joker said licking his lips.

"Ya liked it?" I asked eagerly.

"Loved it." He grinned.

"What's ya favorite food?" I asked.

"Whiskey." He said with a nod.

"That's not a real food, silly. That's a drink of choice." I giggled.

"Anything from cotton candy to vanilla pudding." He chuckled. "I enjoy the _sweet_ things." He winked at me.

"Ya like puddin'?" I asked; he smiled. "You're my puddin'. Ya so sweet to me." I leaned over and kissed him. He was sweet to me, my puddin'. He chuckled and got out of bed. His skin was blindingly white, he had on white boxer shorts with red hearts all over them, they made me giggle.

"I'm gonna need that shirt." He said with a wink. I nodded and pulled the shirt over my head and threw it to him, revealing myself. His eyes widened and he growled.

"You little minx." He purred. He pounced onto me then there was a knock at his door.

"What?" Joker growled. A man in a suit walked in.

"Boss, Angelo wants to talk. He's coming to the club later." The man said. Joker sighed and got up from the bed. He put on the shirt I had just taken off and he pulled on some pants he took off the floor. He started to walk to the door.

"Get the lady a new wardrobe." Joker patted the man's chest on his way out. I squealed in excitement and bounced around the bed. The man nodded in response and told me he would wait outside for me. I went into the bathroom to get ready. I looked at myself and felt sick. My hair was white and my skin looked red and irritated. It burned worse than anything. I turned on the shower and got in. When that water hit my skin it felt like fire. I screamed and almost fell down. I clawed my way out of the shower, I couldn't get off the bathroom floor.

I was reaching for a towel when the suited man busted into the bathroom. He saw me on the floor and quickly spoke into his wrist.

"We need the doctor up to Boss' room. Stat!" He said. He kneeled down and put a towel on me; he picked me up in his arms and carried me to the bed. He laid me down and went to the door. I was in so much pain. A man in a polo and jeans walked in behind the man that helped me.

"Miss Quinn, I'm Dr. Allan. Can you tell me your symptoms?" He said in a rushed manor.

"I dunno. My skin is burnin' and it's all itchy. And the water makes it burn." My tears made my cheeks burn.

"Ok, that sounds like a chemical burn. Has your skin come in contact with any chemicals recently?" He asked.

"I proved my loyalty." I said wiping my tears.

"What does that mean?" The doctor asked suspiciously.

"Ace Chemicals. Last night they dove in." The suited man who helped me from the bathroom chimed in.

"Oh my god." The doctor said under his breath. "Get me my bag." The suited man ran out of the room then quickly ran back in.

"Miss Quinn, this is mineral oil. It will soothe the burn." He said and the started rubbing it on me. It was immediate relief. The doctor rubbed the oil all over me and I felt like I could finally breathe. The doctor left me another bottle of the oil if it starts to burn again. When the doctor left the man in the suit stood in front of me.

"A lady's gonna come with some clothes. I don't think you should go out shopping yet. You up to try on clothes?" He asked.

"What girl wouldn't be up to try on clothes?" I asked with a giggle. "Do you know where Mistah J is?"

"Boss is in a meeting. But if you need anything come to me. I'm Johnny, Johnny Frost." He said with a small smile.

"Well, Johnny, can you get a girl a drink? After all this I could use a pick me up." I smirked.

"7&7?" He asked.

"Sure and bring us two shots of Patron." I said; he raised an eyebrow at me. "What? I hate drinking alone." He called the order down to the club. Soon a guy came up with a tray that had my drink and the two shots. He set the tray on the bedside table and left the room. I sat up and wrapped the towel around me.

"Let me get you something." He said then went to the closet. He came back with a white button down and handed it to me. I put it on a buttoned a few of the buttons then grabbed the shot.

"Ready?" I asked, he grabbed the shot and nodded. "1, 2, 3!" We both took our shots. He winced a little after swallowing. The burn excited me, I loved the way it stung my throat.

"Woo! I love the burn." I said with a smile.

"You didn't seem to love yesterday." He chuckled.

"Let's just say that yesterday I was a different person." I laughed. He just smiled. There was a knock at the door. He got up and opened it. It was an older woman dressed nicely. She pulled a rack of clothes behind her. She wore black slacks, black bumps, and a white silk blouse with a beautiful scarf. She had on black cat eye glasses and her hair was all grey and cut above her shoulders.

"Stand up." She said in an English accent. I stood up. She shook her head and made a disapproving clicking noise.

"Go, the lady will be undressing." She said to Johnny. He nodded and left. "What size?" She asked flipping through clothes on the rack.

"Not sure. Its new." I said looking down at myself.

"Not the shirt. You; what is your dress size?" She asked. I shrugged. She sighed. "We'll try the 32." She took a dress off the rack. I unbuttoned the shirt and took it off.

"No undergarments?" She shook her head and handed me a bra and underwear. They fit perfectly. I stepped into the dress and she zipped up the back. It fit me right in the hips but was a little too loose in the waist. She handed me another dress and it fit perfectly. I looked amazing.

"You are beautiful. A perfect canvas." She said looking me up and down. I saw a black jump suit on the rack. I grabbed it and started to put it on. It looked good, hugged me in all the right places.

"Perfection." She said as I turned towards the mirror. I spun around, I liked the way it felt on my skin.

"Johnny!" I called to him. He rushed into the room; he probably thought something was wrong.

"Ya think Mistah J's gonna like it?" I asked turning around for him. He nodded.

"What's his favorite color?" I asked.

"Maybe green." He shrugged.

"Uhhhg, useless." I said waving the man away. "Ya think ya can make a clown costume?"

"I'm sure I can; why would I want to?" She scoffed.

"Mistah J once painted this little clown girl, a jester. Her outfit was red and black, she had a white collar and white puffy cuffs around her wrists. Oh and a red and black jester hat with little white balls at the ends." I said, she looked at me strangely. "And a black mask." I said with a big smile.

"I can draw something up. For now, let's get some nice clothes for you." She said. I nodded excitedly. We tried on more clothes, I found some outfits that I knew my puddin' would love. She left and said she would fax over the sketch of the jester outfit once she's finished. I was so excited.

I walked downstairs wearing a tight black dress that ended above my knee, I wore heels. I stumbled to the club with Johnny following behind me and I could see Mr. J sitting in his VIP section. I walked over and I could feel the tension in the air. There was a big man with oiled back hair and a pinstripe suit sitting across from my king. He had a stern and angry look on his face.

I bounced over and sat right next to Mr. J. I put my hand on his leg and gave him a big kiss on his cheek; he didn't respond.

"Joker, last time was a warning. I'm not gonna say it again." The man said with a frown.

"Angelo, buddy, pal, last time was for fun. This time was for business." Joker growled with a smile.

"You kill another of my guys and you won't be smilin'." Angelo raised his voice.

"Why are you defending a rat?" Joker asked.

"He was my nephew. Paulie was just a kid." Angelo signed a cross over his chest and so did his goons.

"He was a rat, a snitch, he went in there and sang like a canary. I don't like rats. Not one itty-bitty bit." Joker growled. I started to laugh and shake my head.

"Who's this?" Angelo nodded towards me.

"This is my pet. My little harlequin." Joker nipped at my neck, I laughed hysterically.

"Harley Quinn. Nice to meetchya." I smiled and held out my hand. He leaned over and took my hand in his and kissed my knuckle. I giggled.

"Aren't you a pretty little thing." Angelo said winking at me. I smiled back. "What are ya doin' with this mook?"

"Hmm?" I asked.

"Why are you with the Joker? You could do much, much better." He said looking me up and down.

"Mistah J is the best there is." I said with a smile. "Don't talk about my puddin' like that." I glared at him.

"Maybe she's crazier than him." Angelo scoffed. "Listen, J, I like our arrangement but I gotta trust that you can behave. No more funny business." He said.

"Angelo, funny business is my business." Joker laughed. "I suggest you get the hell outta my club before ya get hurt." He growled.

"You threatenin' me?" Angelo pulled a gun out of his suit jacket and pointed it at Joker. All of Angelo's goons and Joker's men started to stand up and draw their weapons. If he hurt my puddin' I would destroy everything he had.

"Hey!" I said. He looked at me. "Lemme tell ya somethin'." I winked at him. He smiled and I walked towards him. I was standing right in front of him; he towered over me. He leaned down and I pulled my head back and flung it into his with all my strength. He fell backwards and dropped the gun to clutch his nose which started to gush blood.

"You threatened my puddin'. Big mistake." I giggled. I danced over to Mr. J and kissed his cheek, he put his arm around my waist.

"Now say you're sorry to Mistah J. You weren't very polite." I said with a smile. He looked at me dumbfounded. Then he nodded.

"Sorry, J." He said in shock. He held a handkerchief to his bloody nose. His goons helped him up and the walked out. Before Angelo got to the door he turned and looked at me. I winked and waved. He shook his head and walked out.

"Harley, that was good, very good." He smiled down at me.

"I'd never let anybody hurt ya, puddin'." I kissed him. I heard the other girl screaming from the back of _my_ mind. This was my body, my mind, and _he_ was my Joker. Nobody was gonna stand in the way of us. Mr. J and I were in love and no one could tear us apart; especially not Harleen, after all I did for her.

 **A/N: I hope you liked the twist. I liked writing this chapter; Harley is a fun character. Thank you for all the kind reviews, follows, favorites. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. I have something fun in mind for the 10th chapter!**  
 **Thanks!**


	10. Spree

I didn't know how long I had been stuck in here. Since I jumped into the vat of chemicals nothing has been the same. I was stuck inside my own mind. I wanted out, I wanted to be myself again. I was watching Harley dance like a stripper at Joker's club and drink alcohol and smoke cigarettes. She was poisoning me and I could do nothing but watch. There would be moments where I thought I was myself again but really I was back in a memory. Today was the strangest flashback, I don't remember this ever happening. I was young, probably five, playing pretend with my mother.

"Mama, call me Harley now." I giggled to my mother.

"Princess Harley, you look so beautiful in your dress." She smiled. I wrapped a blanket around me and was wearing a tin foil tiara. I couldn't recall anyone ever calling me Harley.

"Mama, I want to be here all the time." I said jumping into my mother's arms.

"You are here all the time. So am I." She said and kissed my cheek.

"No, _Harleen_ gets to be here. I want to be here." I frowned and looked at her with big puppy dog eyes.

"If you aren't Harleen then who are you?" My mother asked, trying to play along.

"I'm Harley." I pouted. She was about to say something when my father stormed into the bedroom, drunk.

"Hi, honey." She said with a flinch. She stood up.

"I'm hungry." He slurred.

"Dinner's in the oven. I was just playing with Harleen." She smiled at me.

"I'm Harley!" I pouted again.

"Did you just correct your mother?" He bent down and yelled in my face.

"No." I lied.

"You've gotta be taught manners!" He grabbed my arm and pulled me out of the room.

"Leave me alone!" I screamed trying to hit him.

"Harleen! That's enough." He said squeezing my arm.

"I'm not Harleen! I'm Harley!" I screamed at him.

"Harleen, stop it." He pulled me over his lap and started to spank me.

"I'm not Harleen! I'm not Harleen!" I screamed and cried. He kept hitting me. I wouldn't stop screaming. After a while he grew tired and threw me on the ground.

"Moron." He said walking past me. I sat up and pulled my knees up to my chest.

"I'm Harley. I'm Harley. I'm Harley." I whispered and rocked myself back and forth. I had no recollection of this. Maybe Harley wasn't someone new, maybe me and her went way back.  
….

"Harley," Joker sang to me.

"Yes, puddin'." I was changing into my new outfit I had Eliza, the fashion designer I saw the other day, make for me. It was a red and black jester costume. It was perfect. My skin was basically healed but ghostly white, my skin popped against the dark colors of the suit. I pulled my hair into a high bun and put on the hat. I was perfect.

"Ready, Mistah J?" I called from inside the bathroom.

"Yes," He growled. I opened the door of the bathroom and did a cart wheel towards him.

"Oh Harley, what's this?" He asked with a smile.

"It's a jester outfit. Now I'm really your harlequin." I spun around showing him the whole costume.

"That you are." He chuckled.

"Let's go out tonight." I said sitting into his lap.

"We'll be at the club." He said straight faced.

"We're always at the club." I groaned.

"What would you prefer we do?" He asked rolling his eyes.

"Something bad." I winked at him and he chuckled.

"Joker and his harlequin." Joker chuckled and kissed me. I loved when he kissed me. He got up and made a phone call. Johnny soon came into the room and the corners of his mouth turned up when he saw me.

"I'm a harlequin." I smiled at Johnny and winked at him. He nodded then turned towards Joker.

"Get my car ready. Me and Harley are gonna take a _stroll_." He started to cackle. Johnny nodded and left the room. I was so excited.

"What are we gonna do?" I asked walking over to him, I sat in his lap.

"It's a surprise." Joker smiled. He started to purr when I kissed his neck.

"Johnny's gonna have a little somethin' waiting for you by the car." He chuckled.

"What's that, puddin'?" I asked nibbling on his earlobe.

"Haha. Harley, you'll have to wait." He chuckled moving away from me.

"But puddin', I don't wanna." I pouted.

"Patience, little clown." He kissed my nose then walked out. I skipped after him.

"Johnny, my boy, what do you have for Harley?" Joker boomed from the other side of the garage, his voice echoing. I squealed in excitement. When we finally got to Johnny he was holding something behind his back. I skipped over to him. He held a box in his hands, a lovely wooden box.

"For me?" I asked with a smile. He held the box out and nodded. I opened the box and saw a revolver. It was black with a white handle, there was gold etching on the barrel and my initials were engraved behind the revolving part of the gun. It was beautiful; and the best part about it: it was from my puddin'. I picked up the gun and stroked the smooth metal and the pearl handle, my finger traced the little jester pendant on the grip of the gun. I blushed.

"Thank you, Mistah J." I jumped onto him showering him in kisses.

"Down, Harley." He laughed. I admired the gun some more when a car pulled up. It was a purple Lamborghini and it was marvelous. It was sleek and fast and seemed to fit the Joker. The car looked untouchable. A man got out and nodded to Joker. J slid over the hood of the car and got into the driver's side. Johnny opened my door for me.

Sitting in the passenger side next to my King of Crime was the closest to heaven I had ever been. We sped through Gotham, weaving through cars and zipping through traffic lights. Joker would go into the other lane facing the oncoming cars and look at me. I laughed hysterically; my puddin' was a real crackup. He would grab my chin and pull me towards him into a bruising kiss as the fast approaching cars' headlights blinded us. He would quickly turn into the correct lane then throw his head back in laughter.

He drove onto the sidewalk in front of a jewelry store. The grill of his Lamborghini slammed through the glass doors. Mr. J got out of the car and scurried to my door and opened it. He helped me out and then went to his trunk.

"Oh, Harley, I got a little somethin' for ya." Joker growled from behind the car.

"What's that, puddin'?" I asked tiptoeing towards him. He held a big mallet in his hands. It looked sort of like a sledge hammer but it was huge and made of wood. It was black and red and there were four diamonds painted on the drum of it.

"Oh, puddin', for me?" I asked putting my hands over my heart.

"Mhm." He smiled wide and I was greeted by a bunch of shining silver teeth.

"Mistah J?" I leaned against the jeweler's counter.

"Yes, Harley?" He looked at me.

"Let's trash the place." I winked at him. He nodded and laughed. I took the mallet in my hands, it was lighter than I expected. I pulled it behind my shoulder then swung it into the glass counter. The glass shattered and I felt adrenaline rush through my veins. I started to smash more glass counters, I drove my mallet through a computer screen, a flat screen mounted on the wall, a mirror. I grabbed some diamonds from the shattered displays.

"Mistah J, which brings out my eyes?" I jumped up on a counter and held up the diamond necklaces to my face. Joke stepped towards me and peered at my face. He looked like he was taking in every detail of the diamonds and my eyes.

"Both!" He broke into hysterical laughter, I joined him. We were grabbing as mush jewelry as we could and stuffing it into the car. I saw a security camera from the corner of my eye. I jumped onto the counter and then jumped and ripped the camera out of the wall. Joker laughed and got in the car.

We raced out of there. J drove fast, he had one hand on the wheel and the other gripped my thigh. I knew I would have bruises from where his fingertips dug into my skin, I couldn't wait to see the little marks he'd leave on me. The bruises, the bite marks, the scratches he'd leave on me let me know he was real; that I hadn't imagined him.

We stopped in an alleyway. Joker got out and was helping me out when two vans pulled up. Johnny got out of one along with some of J's other guys. The guys all had guns on them. They started walking towards the building to our left. I strutted alongside them, it felt like we were walking into battle.

"Ready boys?" I asked while putting my revolver in the holster attached to my thigh. They nodded and Johnny kicked in the door. The boys marched in with guns securing it for Mr. J, Johnny walked in front of J and I skipped behind my king. I saw that there was some type of poker game going on. Joker's laughed echoed through the room.

The men sitting around the poker table looked afraid. Joker walked over to them; he put his hand on one of the men's shoulder. He patted the man harshly and started to walk around the table. All of Joker's guys were watching the men at the table and Joker. I saw something move out of the corner of my eye. There was a man creeping behind wooden crates, he had a gun and was aiming at my puddin'.

"Puddin'!" I screamed and drew my gun. I fired and hit the man in the shoulder. He tried to run out but I ran after him. I did a flip over a wooden crate and landed right behind him, I put one arm around his neck and my other hand held my revolver to his temple. I turned around with the man frozen in my hold and saw Joker, Johnny, and all the other man staring at me with their mouths open.

"What? He tried to hurt my puddin'!" I said to the gawking men as I walked the thug over to them.

"Harley," Joker began to clap.

"What're we gonna do with him, Mistah J?" I grinned at him. Johnny and some of J's other men grabbed the man from my grip and started to tie him up. I ran over and jumped on my king, I showered him with kisses. Joker had his guys grab duffle bags full of guns from the other room and Johnny put a bullet between each poker players' eyes.

J drove us home and I kissed him the whole drive. My lips traveled everywhere from his temples to his collar bones. He chuckled at my extreme affection. Joker sped into the garage and we barely made it up to the apartment. We were tangled together in an aggressive kiss in the elevator. Joker had unzipped the back of my jester costume without my knowledge. The elevator screeched to a stop and we were walking through his carnival room on the way to the bedroom when the cage caught my eyes.

The two hyenas looked so sad. They were curled up next to each other, they looked up at me with big brown eyes. Joker was standing in front of his bedroom door with no shirt and unzipped pants.

"Harley, I don't like to be kept waiting." He growled.

"But puddin', they're so sad." I blew little kisses at them and they started to sit up.

"Harley, they're vicious. And they're stupid as hell." He scoffed.

"Aw, they look skinny. How much are ya feeding 'em?" I asked.

"I'm not." He rolled his eyes. I shook my head and started to pick at the lock with a bobby pin from my hair. I wiggled it around in the pad lock and I heard the delightful sound of unlocking.

"Harley, they're gonna kill you." Joker warned as he stepped backwards.

"They wouldn't hurt a fly." I made kissy faces at them.

"I got them to hurt the Bat but they're too stupid for that." He sighed. I took off the lock and opened the cage. They hesitated for a moment then jumped from the cage and onto me. I was pushed into the floor and started to laugh hysterically. They were licking my face and nestling their noses into my chest. They were so sweet!

"Harley, you alright?" Joker called with concern in his voice.

"Never better, puddin'!" I called from underneath the slobbering hounds. I laughed and finally pushed them off me. I stood up and saw Joker looking at me with intrigue in his eyes; he looked impressed.

"What's their names?" I asked.

"Uhhh, Bud and Lou." He smiled and pointed to each one.

"Bud, Lou, ya hungry?" I asked. They both panted and Bud barked in response.

"Mistah J is gonna have someone bring some food up." I ruffled the fur on the top of their heads.

"Behave." I warned then ran into J's bedroom. I backed him up to the bed and jumped onto him bringing a storm of kisses to his face. He laughed and kissed me back.

"Oh Harley, you were better than I thought." He whispered into my ear which caused a tear to fall down my cheek. My puddin' loved me and I loved him more than anybody's ever loved anyone before. He was strong and he could save me, he would protect me, he would be strong for me. I've always had to be strong for _her_ ; no one's ever been brave for me. Joker was everything to me and I was so lucky to have him. I hoped that more people would try to kill my puddin' so I could take them out. I would kill every thug that threatened my puddin'.

 **A/N: Chapter 10! I hope you enjoyed this chapter as much as I did. What do you think about the Harleen part? Did you like the Bud & Lou part? I thought their little crime spree was so fun to write; hope it was fun to read! Thank you for all your reviews, follows, favorites! I still can't believe the positive reaction this story has gotten.**  
 **Thanks!**


	11. Monster

**I do not own any of the characters mentioned.**

I was here again. My childhood bedroom. I could tell this memory was more recent. I didn't want to be back here. I heard him stumble in drunk again. My father was home, the word father made my skin crawl to this very day. I looked down and saw a duffle bad stuffed with clothes on the floor next to my bed. I took a deep breath and stood up; I slipped on my sneakers and grabbed the duffle bag. I strutted into the living room like I was preparing for battle.

"Harls, where's dinner?" He asked staring at the TV.

"I'm leaving." I said forcing myself to be strong. He looked over at me and saw the duffle bag.

"No, you're not." He shook his head. I straightened my shoulders and made myself stand tall.

"I got into Gotham University. Full ride because of my grades and gymnastics. I'm going." I said trying to keep my cool.

"Can you heat up those leftovers?" He asked ignoring what I just said.

"I was valedictorian." I said putting my hands into fists. "You didn't even come to graduation." I choked back tears.

"Harls, you know I'm not into the school thing." He stood up.

"I'm going to college. I'm leaving tonight." I said wiping a tear before it fell.

"You can't leave me. I'm all you got." His voice raised.

"I'm leaving. I wanted you to know-" I swallowed "I'm leaving and I'm not coming back. I won't be your victim anymore." I straightened my posture. Before I realized it he had pushed me into the wall and had his hand around my throat.

"You're never leaving me. I'm all you got. You're nothing without me." He hissed into my ear. He let me go and I dropped the bad. I nodded and went into the kitchen. While his leftovers were in the microwave I wiped my tears with a dish towel and tried to catch my breath. I put his plate and a cold beer in front of him.

I went into my room and sobbed into my pillow. A few hours later he came into my room and he hurt me for the last time. When he was asleep something urged me to tip toe out of my room, I grabbed my duffle and my shoes, I didn't even put them on. I ran out of the house and towards the train station. I never went back, I never saw my father again and I hope I never do. That was the bravest thing I've ever done. My whole life I waited for someone to save me, no one ever did. I finally saved myself.  
...

I sat up abruptly. She was having a flashback. Recently Harleen has been pulling me back into the past. With every moment she visits I'm right there with her. This time it was the night we left. I still remember it; I don't think I'll ever forget the feeling of freedom when we ran out the door. I can still feel my bare feet hitting the pavement as we ran towards the train station. She couldn't have left without me; I was the one that pushed her to run. Without me she would still be in that house, prisoner to that _monster._

"What happened?" Joker said with a yawn. I shook myself out of whatever that was and looked at him. His eyes drooped with sleepiness and there was some dried drool on the corner of his mouth. I smiled at him, he was beautiful. I leaned over and kissed him.

"Good morning, puddin'." I whispered and kissed him again. He leaned into the kiss, I could feel the wanting in his movements. I pulled away and sat up. I pulled a white button down off the floor and put it on. I stood up and stretched. I walked to the bathroom and looked at myself. My hair looked so dry and brittle, I pushed it behind my shoulders and looked further into the mirror.

I admired my features, I was beautiful. There were dark rings around my eyes, me and J never did much sleeping. I lifted my head and looked at the hand shaped bruise wrapping around my throat and the healing bite marks that littered my collar bones. I touched each one of them, they were beautiful.

I threw cold water on my face. I felt dirty. Seeing that terrible man again made me feel awful, my stomach was in knots and felt like I couldn't breathe. I went back to the bed and Joker must've noticed something was wrong.

"You ok, Harley?" He asked pushing my hair behind my ear. I shook my head.

"Who did it?" He growled.

"A monster. Like the kind that hide under the bed." I looked at him. "Would you kill the monster for me?" I asked.

"Harley, we are the monsters." He said holding my chin. He began to cackle. Maybe he was right. I shot a man last night and I had never felt better. I nodded and got up. I walked out of the room and saw Bud and Lou play fighting.

"Boys!" I called with a whistle. They ran over to me and started to lick at my hands and my bare legs.

"Hungry?" I asked and they both started to bark. I looked over and saw one of Joker's guys lying face down. He was the one to bring their food, they ripped his throat out.

"Bad boys!" I scolded waving my fingers at them. "You can't eat the help!" I shook my head and they both turned their heads at me.

"I'll let that one slide. Promise to behave?" I got down on my knees so we were eye level. They barked and started licking my face. I heard the door open and turned to see Johnny with a fearful look on his face. Bud and Lou began to growl at him and they looked like they were about to attack.

"Bud! Lou! Johnny's a friend." I put my hands on their heads and they seemed to understand. Johnny's eyes widened and he looked at me with shock.

"I'm gonna train them." I said with a smile. "Ya need somethin'?" I asked.

"Boss called." He said and walked into the bedroom. They spoke for a second and they both walked out into the Carnival room. I was playing with Bud and Lou when I saw Joker watching me from the corner of my eye.

"Hi, puddin'." I winked at him as Bud knocked me over.

"Harley, get dressed we're going somewhere." He said and walked out. I put on this dress that made me look good. It was a dark purple color, strapless, ended at the middle of my thighs and was really tight. I wanted to take Bud and Lou with me and I warned them to behave. I got in the elevator and the hyenas stood next to me. They were large, in sitting position their heads reached my chest.

We got to the club and I had to shoot Bud and Lou a warning glare so they would behave. I saw Joker talking to Johnny at the bar. They both turned and looked at me. Joker whistled at me and Johnny sort of smile at me. When I got to Joker I kissed his cheek and sat on a bar stool. I saw Bud and Lou start to sniff around the club. I whistled and snapped and they came and sat by me.

"They obey you?" Johnny asked with raised eyebrows.

"They're good boys." I blew them kisses. "Where are we goin', puddin'?" I asked with a smile.

"Gonna run some errands." He grinned maniacally. I nodded and the bartender put a 7&7 on the coaster in front of me. This was now _my_ drink. I threw my head back and gulped down the drink. I put the glass back on the bar and looked at Joker who was already looking at me. I felt strange when he looked at me, I felt insecure. I wanted him to love me and I always feared that the more he looked at me the more he would see that I wasn't worthy of his love.

"Let's go." He said while getting up.

"K, puddin'." I replied and got up, I patted the side of my leg cuing Bud and Lou to follow. We walked to the garage and he turned around and looked at the hyenas standing on either side of me.

"No dogs in the car." He growled and got into his Lamborghini.

"Course, Mistah J!" I called to him. I turned towards Bud and Lou. "You're gonna go with Johnny. I'll see you when we get there." I leaned down and they licked my cheeks. I walked them to the van and told them to behave. I got into J's car.

"You ok, Mistah J?" I said to him, putting my hand on his thigh. He was in a bad mood.

"I don't like when people steal from me." He growled as he pulled out of the garage.

"Who stole from you? I'll kill 'em, puddin'." I meant what I said.

"No, the pleasure will be all mine." Joker started to laugh. I love my J, he was so funny and charming. I traced the tattoos on his arm with my finger as he drove. I think he liked when I touched him. I think Joker was lonely before I came, he had no one. The little things I do, the touching, the kisses, the hugs, I think he missed affection. J always has this little smirk on his face when my fingers graze his skin.

We were driving in a part of Gotham I hadn't been to in a long time. Joker stopped in front of a rundown dive bar. He got out of the car and started to march towards the bar. I got out and went to the van parked next to us.

"Who is he after?" I asked Johnny. I opened the back of the van and let out Bud and Lou.

"A guy who used to work for him. He stole some money from the club and disappeared." Johnny said while putting a magazine into his gun. I scratched Bud behind his ears and I patted Lou's backside.

"Babies, we're gonna go in there and be good. Only until Daddy wants us to be bad, ok?" I asked the hyenas. They barked in agreement. We walked into the bar; Joker was standing in front of a man in a corner booth. The man was in his late thirties, he had a tattoo on his neck, and one of his front teeth were missing. Joker yelled some things at the man then had Johnny hand cuff him.

"What're we gonna do with him, Mistah J?" I asked watching Johnny cuff the creep.

"We're gonna have some fun with him, Harley." Joker smiled at me. We started walking out, when I heard a voice that still haunted my dreams.

"Harleen," He said. I turned to see Harleen's father. Fat and grey, his skin was tinted yellow and was withered like worn leather. I felt my heart drop to my stomach and I stood there frozen. I couldn't think, I couldn't breathe, I could feel my palms shake and my knees were growing weak. I felt like I was gonna pass out. He was looking me up and down with a look of disgust on his face. I wanted to kill him. I was going to kill him.

"Harleen, where have you been?" He asked and stepped towards me. I turned around as quickly as I could and grabbed the gun from Joker's hands. I pointed it at Harleen's father, I wanted so badly to put a bullet between the pig's eyes.

I felt myself become weak. I felt Harleen fight back. I felt all her pain that had been built up for years. I felt everything that she'd spent a decade burying. I let her come out, I was going to let her be strong for once. This time she would be strong, she wouldn't be the victim _anymore.  
_ …

I was myself again, I had my body back. I had spent my entire childhood wishing I could kill him. Now I was standing in front of him with a gun pointed at him.

"Harleen, what're you doing?" He asked with his hands up. My hands were shaking and they were so sweaty that I was afraid the gun would slip.

"Harleen, put the gun down." He stepped towards me.

"Take another step and I shoot." I growled.

"Harls, what're you doin'?" He took another step. I cocked the gun back.

"I'll shoot you." I said. I felt a tear roll down my cheek.

"Harleen, baby, why are you doing this?" He asked. Why would he ask that? He knew why I was doing this.

"You abused me." I had never said those words aloud before. "For years. You stole my childhood. You pushed my mother away and kept me prisoner in the house. A father is supposed to protect his daughter." Tears were falling down my cheeks. "You aren't walking out of this bar alive." I felt what I was saying in my bones. I hated him, I hate him. I wanted so badly to pull the trigger. I didn't know what was holding me back. Maybe I wanted him to apologize.

"Harleen, I don't know what you're talking about. What is it? Drugs?" He said looking around the bar. I put my finger on the trigger. I couldn't pull it. I wasn't like him; I wasn't a monster.

"You touched _my_ Harley? You dared lay your filthy hands on my little clown?" Joker boomed from behind me. I felt embarrassed. Now Joker knew what my father did to me.

"Who are you? Her pimp?" He asked with a smirk.

"Ohhhh, I'm more than that." Joker hissed. "I'm her everything. I'm the reason her heart beats, I'm the one that causes her blood to flow, I am the one to make her chest rise and fall. I am all she has. I'm her _daddy_. Not you, ya little piss worm." Joker growled.

"I have _methods_ , ways to deal with scum like you. We'll start with the shock room, then move onto dismemberment, then my friends will pay you a few visits." Joker gave a predatory smile to my father. He shuddered at Joker's threat. Joker walked behind me and put his hands on my hips.

"Ya gonna do it?" Joker whispered in my ear. I wasn't sure if I could pull the trigger. I was looking into the eyes of a monster. I locked my bedroom door every night since I left that house in fear of him coming in, I checked under my bed for that monster, I suspected that monster behind every corner and hiding in every alleyway. This monster has haunted me for years and now I finally had him cornered. Why couldn't I kill him? I had my body back, Joker defended me, I had a gun aimed at my abuser. I should feel on top of the world but instead I felt dirty, guilty.

"I can't." I whispered to Joker.

"This is your kill. You got this." Joker breathed the words into my ear.

"Harleen, I am your father. Get that gun out of my face. Obviously you couldn't make it on your own. Maybe it's time you come home." He said with a frown.

"That place isn't a home. You aren't a father." I wanted to kill him. I was going to.

"Harleen, that's enough!" He yelled.

"It's not Harleen anymore. I'm Harley, we're Harley." I said. He looked at me strangely. I closed my eyes and pulled the trigger. I heard his body drop to the floor. I saw the pool of blood expanding around his body. I felt a weight lift from my back, I felt free. I could feel the broken little girl I used to be heal. I turned around a Joker took me in his arms.

I was overwhelmed with emotions. I sobbed into his chest. That night we went back to Joker's place, my new home, and Joker comforted me. He held me in his arms and for the first time in my life I felt safe. Joker would have tortured my father. He would have killed him for me. My whole life I had been waiting for someone to save me. I think I finally found that person. Joker was the only person to ever care for me. He was the only one who could save me.

 **A/N: Hope you liked this chapter! I loved writing it. I really enjoy adding more depth to Harleen's background since we don't know much about her. I hope you guys enjoyed this chapter as much as I did. Thank you for your follows, favorites, and reviews! Please leave me a review letting me know what you thought of this chapter, I love hearing your thoughts!**  
 **Thanks!**


	12. Face to Face

I let her out. I let her be strong. This wouldn't last forever; I would get my puddin' back. She was weak and soon she would start to break again. Harleen has always been the weak one. I have always had to walk behind her to make sure she didn't fall; she always fell. She killed her father and I couldn't have been happier for her, she finally found that backbone she'd been missing. I was stuck inside this place again; I had spent most my time here. I only came out when she couldn't do it anymore.

She remembers the abuse starting when she was 7, when her mom left. It started around the time I got there. She might have been 4, maybe 5, and she couldn't comprehend it. I would be the one to take it, I would protect her. Without me she would never accomplish all the things she's done. Every goal she had I was the one pushing her to try. When her knees gave out and all she could do was cry I scooped her up and made her believe in herself. One night she had took a bunch of pills she bought off of some junky in her class. I made her throw them up, I saved her life.

Joker is all I have, he's the only one that's ever said my name. He's the only one who's ever looked into my eyes and called me "Harley". I loved my Mr. J and he loved me, not her. I could be myself when I was with him and I had never been able to say the things I wanted to. I know that this is Harleen's body, I know that her life has been bad and that she's needed me to shield her from all the shit she went through. But no one's ever tried to protect me, all I ever got to experience in this world was abuse. Now I am in love and J is taking care of me, he loves me and he cares about me. I would be an idiot to walk away from that, to give my only happy thing in this world to Harleen. She got everything; college, friends, gymnastics, school, a mother, even a boyfriend in college. All I ever got was the bad parts she couldn't handle. I deserved this, I deserved to be happy and Harleen should want me to be happy, she owed me that.

I was gonna try and talk to her. I've gotta talk to her, tell her about all that I did for her. I was gonna do it while she was sleeping; if things went bad she would think it was a dream. She had to give me back my life, I let her have her own life for twenty years. I wanted this so badly. She had to do this for me, I needed Mr. J more than I needed to breathe. She would give me this.

...

I felt something strange. Like I was being pulled away. I was lying down with my head on joker's chest, his arms wrapped around me and I was being pulled into a dream. I didn't feel asleep; I was awake, still trembling from what I just did. I killed my father. I wasn't sure how I really felt about it yet. I stopped resisting and let myself be pulled into the dream.

I was in a dark room, it felt like I was really there. I saw a girl, dressed in a jester outfit. The same one that "Harley" wore. I walked towards her. She was standing there with a look of pride.

"Harley?" I asked, fear cause my voice to shake.

"Oh, Harleen." She sighed and brought me into an embrace. I wasn't sure what to do, I didn't know what was happening. She squeezed me and I actually felt like I was with a sister or best friend, she felt so familiar. I hugged her back, I could smell her scent. She smelt like Joker's club, cigarettes, and some floral Victoria's Secret perfume. I didn't understand what was happening, this had to be a dream or a figment of my imagination. But she felt real; she had a scent, I could feel her, she had to be real.

"I'm proud of you." She said into my ear. She let me go and looked me up and down.

"I only seen you in the mirror now. Ya so beautiful now, all grown up." Harley said to me, she squeezed my shoulders.

"I don't understand any of this. Where are we?" I asked.

"I don't really get it either. Me and you used to come here all the time, to play." She smiled.

"I don't remember that. Or you." I felt bad saying that.

"I know. Once you went to college you blocked everything out; me, most the stuff about your dad. You needed to start fresh. I understood." She smiled at me.

"How could I just forget it all?" I asked.

"You're a psychologist, you know how this happens." She shook her head at me. She was right. I had Dissociative Identity Disorder. How could I not realize this about myself?

"I don't know what to do." Tears rolled down my cheeks.

"Harleen, ya need to rest. You're exhausted. Take a break." She smiled and wiped a tear from my cheek.

"I'll take care of everything else. Ya trust me don't ya?" She smiled at me. I trusted her. I knew that she had helped me make it this far in life, she would help me now.

"I trust you. Maybe I do need a break." More tears rolled down my cheeks. "How do I take the body back when I'm ready?" I asked.

"Can I be real with you?" She asked her smile faded.

"Yeah." I nodded.

"I want the body. I want my puddin'; you've lived a life so you don't understand what it's like to have all these firsts. Mistah J is the first person to look at me and call me by _my_ name, he's the first person to hold me and make _me_ feel safe, the first to care if I existed or not." Her voice shook. "I love him and I love Bud and Lou and I even love Johnny and all of Mistah J's other guys, and I like dancin' at the club and doin' bad things with puddin'. I love this life and it's all I've ever wanted. Can ya give me this?" This was the most real I had ever seen her. She wasn't smiling maniacally or flirting, she was honest and sad. I never knew she existed, no one has ever acknowledged her besides the Joker. Of course she wants to live an actual life. I felt selfish, I spent my whole life ignoring all that she had done for me.

"Harley, I want to thank you. You've helped me more than I'll ever understand. I am very grateful that somehow I created you and you've been my protector my whole life. But this is my body, I can't just give it to you." I felt terrible.

"Ya can't do this for me? After everything I've done for you." Her face twisted with anger. "Do you wanna know everything I've been keeping from you?" She shouted.

"He started toucin' you when you were little, like four. That's when I showed up. When you were nine you checked out for a whole year, I stood in. When you were fifteen and didn't think you could take it anymore you bought some pills of some druggie in ya school. You took 'em all, ya almost died. I woke up in your body and made you throw up. You would be dead without me. That night you ran away," She wiped a tear from her eye "you weren't gonna leave. You were gonna stay in that house, I screamed for you to leave and you got up and left. You would still be prisoner to that pig if it weren't for me. There were nights when I thought you couldn't handle it anymore. I would let you rest and I'd handle everything else."

I started to cry. I had no idea how bad things were. I felt terrible. I had no memory of a suicide attempt or any of the things she mentioned. It was no longer a mystery why she was so willing to sacrifice everything to Joker. He was the first person to acknowledge her existence, he was the first man to show the least bit of love and affection towards her. She was so damaged and I felt responsible. Somehow she was something of my creation; she was stronger than I was, more resilient and so much wiser. I would watch the way she acted around Joker. All giggles and batting eye lashes but really she was smart and calculated and always observing his every move.

She understood the way people acted and she was expecting someone to hurt her around every corner. She was lonely and never had an understanding of healthy relationships, neither of us did. I felt guilty for all she went through.

"Harley, I am so so sorry. I had no idea" I didn't know what else to say to her.

"Ya gonna give me control?" She asked. I didn't know if I could. But my guilt was crippling.

"Not forever. You deserve this, though. I trust you, Harley." I said with an exhale. She jumped with excitement.

"Ya mean it?" She squealed and hugged me. I nodded and hugged her back.

"I'm gonna go, thank you." She said squeezing my shoulders. She turned and started to walk away.

"Harleen," She called to me.

"Yeah?" I asked.

"I love you, ya know. You're like my sister. Ya doing a good thing for me. I won't forget it." She said with a nod and walked away. Her image faded into the blackness and I could do nothing but sit there. I did do a good thing for her. She helped me and now I was helping her. At least now I would get a chance to rest, I was so tired.

Harley was a good girl. I would be ok in here for now. This would give me a chance to get to know myself better. I could find all the things I spent those years hiding from myself. I was going to be ok, I was going to get better. Harley Quinn wasn't going to be permanent, I would find out what the real root of her existence was and I would find a way to heal myself. I'll let her have her escapades with Joker but I'd get myself back.

 **A/N: This was an interesting chapter to write. I hope you enjoyed it! The next few chapters to come will be more exciting and a bit different. Thank you for your reviews, favourites, and follows.**  
 **Thanks!**


	13. High

**I do not own any of the characters mentioned below.**

 **This following chapter contains some mature content. Reader discretion is advised.**

 **Enjoy!**

I woke up to a beam of sunlight shining into my eyes through the blackout curtains. I turned towards J, he was still asleep. I watched his tattooed chest rise and fell with every breath. I laid there for a while, I listened to his snore and his murmurs. He was always talking in his sleep, it was adorable. Sometimes he would dream about me, I could tell by the occasional "Harley" in between the gibberish. My puddin' started to tense up and he looked like he was having a nightmare. I sat up ready to comfort him when he woke. His eyes abruptly opened and fell on me. He jolted up and his hands were wrapped around my throat before I could react.

"Puddin', its me." I managed to choke up the words. He was still asleep, his eyes were glazed over and he didn't respond.

"Mistah J, wake up!" I yelled. He blinked and looked at me. He took his hands from my throat and sat back in the bed. He exhaled and put his hands to his head.

"You ok, puddin'?" I asked inching towards him. He ignored me. I sat on the pillows next to him and kissed his shoulder.

"Want me to make ya feel better, Mistah J?" I winked. He looked over at me. He put his hands down and nodded for me to come closer.

"What happened, puddin'?" I asked nestling my head into his neck.

"I can't even get away from Bats in my sleep." He growled into my hair.

"I'll kill Batsy for ya." I said looking up at him.

"He's mine." Joker snarled at me. I giggled. I reached my head up from his chest and kissed him. My puddin's kiss always made me feel like I was walking on air.

"Harley, get dressed." He said getting out of bed.

"Course, puddin'. Where we goin'?" I asked getting out of bed. I went to me and Mr. J's closet. I grabbed a pair of black sequin shorts, a little black tank tops, and a red leather jacket. I put on some knee high leather boots.

"How do I look, puddin'?" I asked spinning around for him. He licked his lips and winked at me. Mr. J was wearing black pants and his gold suit jacket. He wore his holster underneath his jacket and wasn't wearing a shirt.

"Ya look _especially_ sweet today, Harley." He growled.

"Where we goin', Mistah J?" I asked again.

"We're goin' to Candyland, Harley." He said putting a gun in his holster. I giggled. Johnny came to the room and he nodded to Mr. J.

"Let's go get some candy." He growled and walked out of the room.

"Harley, I got you something." Johnny said pulling me to the side.

"What's that?" I asked with a wink. He held out two collars and leashes.

"For Bud and Lou?" I asked taking the leashes and collars. He nodded.

"Oh, Johnny." I squealed and jumped onto him. I gave him a big hug and I kissed his cheek. He chuckled.

"Boss is waiting." He said, his smile faded. I nodded and put the collars on Bud and Lou.

"We're gonna go with Mistah J. Ya gotta be good." I told them. I hooked their leashes on and they followed me. In the elevator they were good boys and sat at my feet. Mr. J looked down at them and smiled. The elevator stopped and we all walked towards the garage. I put Bud and Lou in the van and I got in Mr. J's lambo. I sat in the passenger seat and put my hand in its place, on J's thigh.

"Hit it, puddin'!" I said as he floored it. We sped out of the garage and onto the streets of Gotham. He weaved through cars and raced through red lights. We were only in the car about ten minutes because he drove so fast. We screeched to a stop in an alleyway. Mr. J shut off the car and got out, he walked to my side and opened my door giving me his hand.

"What're we doin', Mistah J?" I asked putting my gun in its holster on my thigh.

"We're goin' to see the _Candyman_." He said with a mischievous smile, I giggled. We walked into the backdoor of an old building. The inside was more haunting than the outside. The house smelt strange, like chemicals and mold. There was noise coming from a room in the back. Mr. J lead the way and when he opened the door that had a hole punched in it I saw a few people. They were crowded around a small table and all looked up at Mr. J with smiles.

"How're we doin', folks?" Mr. J asked.

"J, man, sit down. Bring ya lady too." One man said. Mr. J sat down on a chair and I sat on the floor next to him. There were so many things on the little table; drinks, an ashtray surrounded by a cigarette army, a few razor blades, straws for some reason, a bag of pills, and a Glock. It looked like a party.

"J, help yourself, man, there's enough to go around." The man said to Mr. J.

"There's enough of everything to go around." A creep sitting next to me said smiling at me. I inched closer to Mr. J.

"Boys, this is Harley." J said reaching for a razor blade.

"Hey, Harley." They all said as they gulped down their drinks. I felt awkward, like an intruder. Mr. J was cutting up pills with the razor blade, smashing them into a powder. J took a silver tube out of his jacket pocket and held it to his nose. He put the straw to the crushed up pills and snorted them. He lifted his head back and took deep breaths in through his nose.

"Woo," J said and handed me the tube. I held it in my hands, it was smooth. It was like a silver straw, and was heavier than it looked. I had never done anything like this, I didn't know what to do.

"I haven't-"

"It's easy." J said and put his hand on the back of my head.

"You put the straw to your nose," I did. "And you take a big breath through your nose." I inched towards the table, his hand on my head made me feel safe. I put the straw to the end of one of the lines of powder and snorted it. It burned my nose a little and it went straight to my head. I felt dizzy but hyper. I gasped at my sudden dizziness and looked at Mr. J.

"How's it feel?" Mr. J asked.

"Sweet." I giggled leaning my head on his leg. He chuckled and did another line. I knew why the called it candy, this was the best sugar high I'd ever experienced. I sat up and felt light-headed. There was music plaing quietly on a speaker. I stood up, half-hazardly, and went to turn up the stereo. It was kind of like the music played at the club. I started dancing.

I slithered my body like a snake locking eyes with J. I spun around and winked at him. My dance was interrupted by Bud and Lou bursting through the door. Johnny trailed behind them holding a suitcase.

"Babies," I scolded them "be polite." They licked my hands. I felt great, like I was bulletproof. Johnny handed the man sitting near Mr. J the suitcase. The man opened it and it was full of money. The man smiled and nodded then threw a duffle bag to Johnny. Mr. J got up and grabbed my arm escorting me out. We walked out of the run down building. When we got to the alley Mr. J's car was gone.

"Mistah J, where's ya Lambo?" I asked gripping Bud and Lou's leashes. He stepped towards me and took my chin in his hands.

"Don't worry your _pretty_ _little_ head about it. We're taking the scenic route." He growled, his lips grazed mine. There was a black limo waiting for us. Johnny took Bud and Lou and I got into the limo with J. It was real fancy. I ooed and awed at the bar and the sun roof. J had the duffle bag that the man had thrown to Johnny. He zipped it open, it was filled with bags of pills and white powder wrapped in cling film shaped into blocks. I swallowed at the sight of all the drugs. If one line made me feel this good, what would all that do?

"Hand me that." He said pointing to the mirror on the bar. I grabbed it and he put it in his lap then he grabbed a little bag of white powder and emptied its contents onto the mirror. I didn't know why he needed the little baggy if he had a whole brick of it.

"What about all that?" I asked pointing to the bag full of drugs.

"The Candyman always gives me _free samples._ " J said with a smile. He took a knife from his pocket and separated the pile into lines. He snorted two of the lines and put his head up to the roof of the limo and howled.

"Your turn." He ordered. I nodded and put his silver straw to my nose. I did one of the lines and it was stronger than what I did in the dealer's room. I shivered at the burn of my nostril then I fell back into the seat as I felt it rush through me. My eyelids felt heavy and I felt like I was swaying in the wind. The feeling I got when I snorted this stuff was the same feeling I got when J kissed me. It was electric, I felt like my body was floating or falling or both. Mr. J took my face in his hands and kissed me, he bit my lip so hard it drew blood. The coppery taste of our love filled my mouth pushing me into a fit of hysterical laughter. I did another line, then another. By time we reached our destination I felt paralyzed. I was laying my head on J's lap laughing uncontrollably. Before I knew it Johnny was carrying me out of the limo.

"I can walk!" I yelled from Johnny's arms. He put me down and I fell right on my butt. He helped me up and put my arm over his shoulder. We were standing in front of the club. J was already inside. I couldn't go in there; I felt like I couldn't breathe, I needed to breathe.

"Can we go to the roof?" I asked Johnny.

"Sure." He said as we got in the elevator. When we got to the roof I felt free. I skipped around and jumped over old chairs and piles of metal. I saw the Gotham skyline and I felt so small. I was tired of being small, of being caged like I was a bird. I could feel my wings, they needed to fly. I needed to fly.

"Johnny, watch me fly." I said and jumped onto the ledge of the building. I heard Johnny scream but I was too far. I was flying. My wings must've been tired or weak because I was on the roof of another building. I tried to fly again this time I was getting air. The wind on my face was strong, I could feel the breeze going through my wings and I saw the lights of apartments flickering past me. I was really flying. But before I realized it I was scooped up by a black figure. He was better at flying.

I looked up at him, he had on a black mask and he was holding onto a cable. It was Batman. He stopped me from flying, he's trying to clip my wings like he did Mr. J. I tried to hit him but he held my arms tightly.

"I want to fly! Let me fly!" I screamed and he didn't respond. We got to the ground and he scooped me up into his arms like an infant. My eyelids were getting heavier. I wanted to fly back to Mr. J but I was so sleepy. Everything was fading but I saw the masked vigilante. The monster who hurt my puddin', the criminal trying to save those who didn't need saving, the bat trying to clip my wings. I looked into the eyes of Batman and I swore that the next time I saw those eyes they'd be mounted on Mr. J's wall.

 **A/N: A cliffhanger! I hope you enjoyed this chapter. I absolutely loved writing it! I apologize for the delay and I will try to post the next chapter soon! Please leave me a review letting me know what you thought of this chapter. I enjoy reading all of the wonderful reviews I've gotten on this story. Thank you for following Harley and all her craziness!**


	14. Saved

Boss was going to kill me. I spent the whole night searching for Harley and found nothing. One of her boots was on the ground near the club and that was the only sign of her. I checked every night club, every drug house. I haven't seen Joker like this in a while. He liked this girl, and for that I pitied her. Boss partied pretty hard last night and passed out so I doubt he noticed her absence. He wouldn't be up until late this afternoon so I had time to find her.

"Hey, Frost, I got somethin'." One of the new guys said to me. I sent him to check emergency rooms and precincts. This kid was young and good with computers so he'd find her quick.

"Yeah?" I asked and walked over to him.

"A Jane Doe was brought in to Gotham General. Was on the verge of an overdose." He said frowning.

"Is she still there?" I asked.

"Yeah, should be. They got her on a 72-hour psych hold. Guy that brought her in said she tried to off herself." He said.

"I need someone to go down to Gotham General with me." I said to the group of goons sitting around the club. They all perked up and looked over at me.

"Who we gotta kill?" Reggie asked. He loved shooting places up, he's been working for Boss almost as long as I have.

"No killing. They got Harley there, Boss' girl, we gotta go get her." I said.

"I'll go." The kid that helped me find her said.

"Ok, I doubt I need more than one other guy. You guys keep an eye out for Boss. If he wakes up tell him Harley's out shopping." I told them and they nodded. Me and the kid left the club and we started driving to Gotham General. I felt bad for this girl, she didn't ask for any of this. She was a sweet girl, kind of crazy and wasn't too bright but still sweet. Joker was gonna do a number on her and we all just had to watch.

"What happened to her?" The kid asked me from the passenger seat.

"Uh nothin'. Drank a little too much, did too much blow." I said to him.

"But they have her on a psych hold." He replied.

"What's your name, kid?" I asked.

"Nick." He said.

"Well, Nick, don't ever question anything. Especially anything that belongs to Boss, and she belongs to Boss."  
…..

I woke up to bright lights over me. I blinked trying to wake myself up. I sat up and I was in the emergency room. I was wearing a hospital gown and I had an iv in my arm and bruises on my shoulder. I felt awful. My head was pounding and my whole body felt sore. I was immediately showered with guilt. Mr. J was probably worried sick, he had no idea where I was. I needed to go back home to him. I got out of the bed and couldn't find my clothes or shoes. I was trying take out my iv but a nurse walked in.

"Excuse me, miss." She said politely. I turned towards her.

"I uhm, I need to go. I have to, uh, go, uh, go to work." I said trying to scramble for a lie.

"Miss, you had a large amount of narcotics in your system. Someone saved you from jumping off a building. You're on a psych hold." She held a clip board and looked it over while talking.

"I didn't jump. I was, uhh, pushed." I blurted out.

"You were pushed off a building?" She asked.

"Yeah." I said blushing. I wasn't a good liar; I was trying to get better. The nurse looked shocked.

"We can call the police for you." She said.

"That's isn't necessary. I've gotta go." I picked at the iv.

"Miss, you can't take that out. You can't leave." She said stepping towards me. I took a deep breat in and ripped my iv out. She stepped towards me again and I jumped on the hospital bed and then ran out the door. I heard her yell but I was running too fast down the hallway. I heard something over the intercom but it was too fuzzy to hear. I heard people running after me and I hid in a room.

I heard coughing coming from behind the curtain. I leaned over and saw an old lady. She drank some water then looked over and saw me.

"Miss, can I help you?" She asked in a raspy, tired voice.

"Uhmm, can I sit with you?" I asked stepping towards her bed.

"Of course, sit." She waved a shaky, arthritis ridden hand towards a nearby chair. She was watching the news.

"What's your name, dear?" She asked.

"I'm Harley." I said shyly.

"Harley, what a unique name." She remarked. "Harley, what brings you here?"

"I was taken here, against my will." I said, I thought of Batman's arms around me and I felt sick.

"Welcome to the club, sweetie." She sighed.

"Who took you here?" I asked.

"My son. He means well but fails to remember that I lived a healthy life long before this kale craze or yoga." She scoffed. I giggled.

"This monster took me here. I was flying and he pulled me outta the sky." I said and felt like I was going to cry.

"I'm sorry, dear. A young girl like you has to fly. You're young, beautiful, have the world ahead of you." She smiled at me. "You look a bit pale, are you alright?" She asked.

"I miss my puddin'." Tears fell down my cheeks.

"It's alright, dear." She leaned over and handed me a tissue.

"Thanks." I missed my puddin' so much. Not waking up to him made my heart hurt.

"Harley, you'll find your way. Your sweetheart is probably missing you like crazy now. Go to him." She said softly. She understood me. I stood up and nodded.

"Thank you for talkin' to me." I said and turned towards the door. "I don't know your name."

"You can call me Nana. Come visit me anytime, Harley." She said with a smile. I nodded and left the room. I quickly shuffled down the hospital hallways. I navigated my way to the emergency room and ducked behind beds in the halls and walls. I saw the entrance and I ran to it. The sun burned my eyes. I was never in the sun anymore, me and Mr. J always slept during the day and went out at night. We were like vampires. I was walking outside the hospital and didn't quite know where to go. I was walking through the hospital's parking lot when I heard someone call my name.

"Harley!" I turned around to see Johnny calling me from the driver's side window.

"Johnny!" I squealed and skipped towards the car. I got in the back.

"You ok?" He asked looking me up and down.

"I'm good, I just want Mistah J." I said and hugged my knees in the backseat.

"Just a few more minutes." He said speeding through traffic. Johnny was so sweet. He cared about me and he cared about Mr. J. Bud and Lou liked him, he was always bringing them treats. The other day he brought them some fingers that belonged to a creep that they took care of. The car ride went by fast and before I even realized I was in the elevator. When the elevator screeched to a stop and pulled the cage door open myself and ran to puddin'.

"Puddin'!" I screamed and jumped on him. He was still sleeping but I didn't care.

"What are you doing?" He growled pushing me off him. I forced my kisses on him and pulled him towards me.

"I missed you so much." I said kissing him.

"Where were you?" He asked with his sleepy voice, he rubbed his eyes. He didn't even know I was gone, that hurt me.

"I was in the hospital." I said softly and I let go of him.

"Oh," Mr. J sighed and got up and went to the bathroom. He didn't care, he didn't even notice I was gone.

"Yeah, I tried to fly but Bats pulled me right outta the sky." I said loudly so he could hear me. I heard the faucet shut off and the bathroom door open abruptly.

"What?" He asked walking towards me.

"Yeah, Ol' Batsy kidnapped me. He took me to the hospital. They treated me like a mental patient. They were gonna put me in the nuthouse." I said with a frown.

"Oh, Harley, do you know what this means?" He asked with a predatory smile. I shook my head.

"Bats tried to take what was _mine_. That's an act of war." He said patting the top of my head. I was _his_ , he said it himself.

"Yeah, it is." I growled and tugged his arms toward me. "What're we gonna do, puddin'?"

"We're gonna play a little game with Bats." He laughed.

"What kind of game?" I asked kissing his chest.

"A little game of fetch. Let's see if Bats will try to steal from me again." J growled into my ear. He finally gave into my kisses. I couldn't wait to help Mr. J get Batman. When I told Mr. J about Bats he actually listened to what I was saying. I knew the more I had to say about B-man the more J would listen. I was going to go do some detective work on Bats. I got dressed in a real tight dress and put on some heels. I went to the computer room

"Hey, sweetie." I said sitting on one of J's guy's desk.

"Uhm, hi." He said nervous. He was young, maybe nineteen.

"I need a favor. Can ya do that for me?" I asked with a wink. He nodded.

"I need to do some research." I said touching his leg with my foot.

"Uhmm, what k-kind of research?" He said, he stuttered when I touched him.

"I need to learn more about Batsy." I said flipping my hair over my shoulder.

"Batsy?" He asked.

"Batman."

"Oh, ok." He scooted his chair towards the desk and started tapping the keys. "Want do you want to know?" He asked.

"Where does he go most often?" I asked peering at the computer screen. He nodded and started typing.

"I got something." He grabbed a notebook off the messy desk and jotted something down. He handed me the paper.

"That's the streets he's been spotted at most often. He's usually in the sketchy parts of town." He said then looked at his computer.

"Thanks, hun." I said getting off the desk. I kissed his cheek and walked out of the room. I went to my closet and tried to pick a boring outfit. I found an outfit that belonged to Harleen. It was jeans and a simple blue blouse. I grabbed my bomber jacket and put on some boots. It was dark now and I was gonna try to see Batsy again.

"Where ya goin?" Mr. J said to me as I walked out of the penthouse.

"Takin' Bud and Lou for a walk." I said trying to sound non-chalant. I went to Bud and Lou's cages. I put their leashed on them and walked out. I was getting close to the first street on my list. I walked around looking for crime that B-man would try and stop. With no luck of seeing Batsy I turned to head home. I was walking when Bud and Lou yanked me to the left.

"Babies!" I yelled but they followed some smell or noise. As we got closer to whatever they were chasing I could hear yelling. I pulled tight on their leashes and they stopped. I hid behind the corner of the building and watched what was happening. It was a bunch of guys yelling, pointing guns at each other. I was watching it and had my hands gripped tight around the hyenas' collars.

"I want my money!" One man shouted.

"We want the stuff first!" A man shouted in response. Some other insults were exchanged but I couldn't hear. Then the bullets started to fly. The shooting was interrupted by screaming. I was praying I wouldn't get shot when I started to see bodies flying. I looked closer and saw Batman's silhouette illuminated by a trash can bonfire.

I felt like he could see me. I started to jog down the street with Bud and Lou. I dodged behind another building and prayed he wouldn't come after me. I looked around and didn't see anyone and knew it was safe. I came out of my hiding place and started to walk back home. I was crossing the street when I heard a voice. I looked to see a guy stumble out of a bar. He looked up and saw me and started to shout and whistle at me. I rolled my eyes and continued walking. I took a short cut through an alley and heard a noise from behind me. Bud and Lou darted and their leashes slipped through my fingers.

"Bud! Lou!" I called out chasing after them. I was running trying to find them when I heard a voice.

"Hey sweetie!" He called after me. It was the drunk guy from the bar. I ignored him and looked for Bud and Lou. I crossed the street and suddenly he was behind me.

"Hey there." He said. He was tall and fat and looked a lot stronger than me.

"Have you s-seen my dogs?" I asked.

"Nah, lemme help ya look." He said inching towards me.

"No thanks, hun, I'm good." I said with a wink trying to be cute and confident. I turned to walk away but he grabbed my arm.

"Let me go!" I yelled trying to push his hand off. He yanked me into an alley and pushed me against a wall. He put his arm against my throat and pinned me to the wall and started tugging at my jeans. I tried fighting him off. I kneed him in the groin but it only pissed him off which made him even more aggressive. I screamed as loud as I could. I hit my head into his which hurt me more than him. I started trying to bite him. I got a hold on his cheek and bit him as hard as I could. His blood started to fill my mouth and I heard him scream. I spit the blood and piece of flesh back at him and took a deep breath.

"Babies!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. He pushed me further into wall and pushed my jeans down all the way. I screamed and tried to hurt him as much as possible. He yanked me from the wall and threw me onto the ground. He pushed himself on top of me and put his hand over my mouth and his other hand started unbuckling his belt. I screamed but it was muffled by his hand. Before he could do anything to me he was snatched back. I sat up and saw a black figure holding the man against the wall hitting him in the face. I pulled my jeans up and stared at him. He turned and saw me.

Batman cuffed the man who tried to rape me, he was unconscious. He stepped towards me and put out his hand. I stared at the black glove in front of me. I got up on my own and wiped the tears from my cheeks.

"Are you alright, miss?" His voice was low and raspy. I couldn't respond. I just turned around and started walking away. He didn't chase after me. I was greeted by Bud and Lou ripping apart some thug they found.

"Babies," I sighed. They ran up to me, tails wagging. "Useless." I said and took hold of their leashes. Batman stopped that guy, this good deed didn't shadow the hate I had for him. He still hurt my puddin'. But I felt like I had a better understanding of him. He wanted to save innocents. If innocence is what would be needed to get Bats, I could do innocence. I could do innocence real well.

 **A/N: I hope you like this chapter. I enjoy writing these bits about Batsy. Thank you for all the follows, favourites, and reviews. Let me know what you think.  
** **Thanks!**


	15. J

**I do not own any of the characters mentioned.**

Harley came home late. I only noticed this because I went to bed alone, I didn't like going to bed alone. Harley was quite the puzzle; she was my favorite. Unlike all the other pets I've kept she enjoyed my games. When I first brought her to my funhouse she enjoyed the torture, with every punch to her pretty little face she laughed louder than those moronic hyenas. Harley was a unique find, one in a million really. She wasn't without flaws though. She sounded like an idiot when she spoke, and the nicknames she had for me made me want to ring her neck. Why on earth would she call me puddin'? And _Mistah J_ wasn't any better.

The little clown was a nuisance but was one hell of a lay. From what I've gathered she used to be a gymnast, the girl can work a pole. She was more loyal than any mangy mutt I've come across. She threw good ol' Angy on his ass for waving his gun at me and she clung to my arm like a bad rash. It was rare that I woke up before her. Usually I opened my eyes to the girl staring at me like a lost puppy. This morning I awoke from my usual nightmare and saw the girl passed out. She was fully clothed; I couldn't remember the last time a girl was fully clothed in my bed.

She looked like she was exhausted. I found myself staring at her ghostly face. She was so pure, so good. Smooth, pale skin littered with bruises from _yours truly_. I told her that her face wouldn't be pretty much longer but her looks were still intact. That wouldn't do. I watched the sleeping beauty snooze for a few more moments than I grew bored and got up. I walked out of the bathroom and towards the door when I heard her cringe worthy whine.

"Puddin', where ya goin'?" She yawned.

"Out." I said and gripped the door knob.

"I saw Batsy last night." She said. I couldn't resist hearing about my nemesis. The girl knew how excited I got when I heard his name.

"Is that so?" I growled and walked towards her. She nodded.

"I was just takin' the babies for a walk." She said. I rolled my eyes at the boring start to her anecdote. It irritated me that she referred to those hounds as her babies.

"Some creep grabbed me. He tried to force himself on me." It bothered me so when people tried to take what was mine. She was my property, anyone who tried to steal from me would suffer greatly. I was seeing red and wanted to find the thief. I was distracted from my anger when she mentioned Ol' Bats.

"Batsy grabbed the guy and started beatin' the livin' daylights out of him. I ran off." She said.

"Bats loves a damsel in distress." I said still thinking about which part I'd cut off from the bastard who touched my pet.

"Maybe that's how we'll catch him." She grinned maniacally. God, how she tempted me.

"I like the way ya think, Harley." I growled and pulled her towards me. She giggled, her laugh was infectious.

"We need a plan, Mistah J." Harley said parting from our kiss, her bottom lip still between my teeth.

"I'm gonna kill him. Then I'm gonna make a Bats' skin rug and we're gonna have a grand ol' time on it." My blood pumped thinking of ways to kill Bats. Harley did good by telling me this, she wouldn't go unrewarded. I got up and put on some clothes, my purple sports coat fit nicely and already had my Glock in it. Harley however took much longer to get ready. She was in the bathroom so long that I had gone down to the bar for my breakfast.

I sat down and my whiskey was dropped in front of me. I chugged it down and slammed the glass on the bar. I looked and saw Frost walk towards me.

"Morning, Frost." I said as the bartender poured me another.

"Morning, Boss. You're up early." He said. Johnny Frost, my most trusted thug. I hired him when he was just a kid but now he was a man and he's gotten quite good at cleaning up the mess that often trailed behind me.

"Call in Joe for me." I said and took a drink of my whiskey. He nodded and walked away. I watched him walk towards the club's exit when Harley walked through. He looked up at her, she smiled at him. Harley was too flirtatious for her own good. She caught the eye of all my guys, of all the thugs that walked into this club. She hypnotized them.

"Puddin'," She squealed as she skipped towards me. She was wearing these little black shorts that didn't do a very good at covering her backside. She had on a skin tight black t-shirt that showed her belly and her cleavage. It had four red diamond over her left breast. She wore black boots that came up to her knees, the heels were so high they looked like stilts.

"Harley," I sang her name as she walked towards me.

"What're we doin' today, Mistah J?" She asked sitting on the stool next to me.

"Were gonna do a little work on this face." I said pinching her cheeks. She laughed hysterically.

"Joe's gonna be here in a half an hour, Boss." Johnny said. I nodded and got up from the bar. I walked towards my throne, the VIP section. I sat in my throne and watched Harley gravitate to her usual place, the dancer's cage. She yelled for some music and then started moving her body in all the right ways. My eyes were glued to her, I followed each bump and grind.

Before I realized it had been thirty minutes Joe walked into the club wheeling a big box. He lifted it over the few stairs and put it down in front of me.

"Hey J, how've you been?" He asked opening up the box.

"Good, good." I said as he pulled his tattoo gun out of the cart. I whistled and Harley looked up and ran to me.

"Who's this?" Joe asked raising his eyebrow at Harley.

"Harley Quinn, nice to meetchya." She said holding out her pale little hand. Bruises shaped like my hands coiled around her wrists. He shook her hand then went back to his cart.

"Whatchya getting' this time, J?" He asked me.

"Not me her." I said nodding towards Harley. Joe nodded. Harley looked at me with a wide smile.

"Aww, puddin', ya so good to me." She jumped on me and forced a down pour of kisses on me. Her horrendous need to constantly show affection grew tiring. I pushed her off me. I wasn't good to her; I went out of my way to treat her like a dog. She was pathetically naïve, she actually loved me which puzzled me. At time Harley seemed fearless, she would throw herself in front of a bullet or a train or anything for me, she was dimmer than those hyenas she loves.

Joe got out the tattoo gun and sat in front of her. "What are you thinkin'?" He asked.

"Mistah J, you decide." She said smiling at me. I thought for a moment. I whispered into Joe's ear what I wanted him to tattoo on her and he nodded and went to work. She smiled and giggled at the pain the tattoo gun brought on. It only took a few minutes and he was finished.

He held up mirror showing her the word "ROTTEN" that graced her jaw bone. She squealed, I thought she might break the mirror with her piercing voice.

"Oh puddin', I love it!" She jumped on me again. I pushed her off, again. "Can I get another?" She asked.

"As much as you want." I chuckled. I spoiled my little clown _rotten_. She told Joe all the things she wanted. She wanted a heart on her cheek because she "loved Mistah J" and she wanted "PUDDIN'" on her leg facing her so she could always look down and see it. She got a few others on her leg while I was at the bar.

Joe finished tattooing her and they walked over to me at the bar. Joe waved and went to get his payment from Johnny. She showed me her tattoos. She had a bandage peeking up from behind the button on her shorts.

"What's that one?" I asked. She peeled off the bandage and showed a very red "Lucky You" in cursive. She giggled and smiled at me. She sat at the bar next to me.

"What're we doin' now, Mistah J?" She asked with her straw in the corner of her mouth. She sat so close I could smell the vodka soda clinging to her breath. God, she made my mouth water. I was tempted to throw our drinks on the ground and ravage her on this bar, I knew she would enjoy it. I held my composure, I'd wait until later to reward her.

"I'm going upstairs." I growled.

"What's upstairs?" She winked at me and blew a kiss. I rolled my eyes and went up to my office to construct blue prints. I was going to take down Bats, if it were the last thing I ever do.

 **A/N: I though I would take a swing at Joker's point of view. I hoped I captured him correctly. Please let me know what you think, I enjoy the critiques I've gotten. I also love hearing your idea or suggestions. I read a few reviews about wanting to see Joker's POV and the tattoo scene, I thought they would be a fun little chapter to tackle. Next chapter will be a little less experimental. Thanks for all your follows, favourites, and reviews!**


	16. The Never Ending Game

**I do not own any of the characters mentioned.**

We were getting ready. Mr. J had been perfecting his blue prints for weeks. Tonight we were going to get B-man. I put on a dress; it was white and lacy and boring. Our plan was perfect, my puddin' was so smart. The plan was for Mr. J to hold a gun to my head and when Batsy tried to save me puddin' would shoot him. _It was gonna go great_ I kept telling myself.

 _No it's not. You're going to get us killed._ Harleen chimed in. I ignored her, I was good at ignoring her. I would be forever grateful to her that she let me have the body but jeez was she negative. Mr. J was on edge; I think he was just anxious to kill B-Man. Johnny was always hanging around us to cool J down when he got worked up. We had to do the plan tonight, Mr. J was adamant about today.

I asked Johnny why and he just said "Boss has a thing about dates." I didn't understand what was so important about today. Maybe he had a thing for Thursdays. I didn't get it but I didn't need to. Puddin' needed me to do something and I would do it, _always._ I wore my jester costume under my prairie girl dress. I also had my revolver holstered to my thigh just in case. I did my makeup to make me look young and innocent; I had to put about a gallon of cover-up on my tattoos and I wore baby pink lip gloss and some doll-like lashes. I put curls in my hair and some blusher on my cheeks. I looked like an adorable prude.

Mr. J wore tuxedo, he looked so handsome. He had two guns in his jacket holster, a gun on his ankle, brass knuckles on both hands and a syringe of his infamous _Joker Venom._ Tonight I was gonna watch my puddin' achieve his dreams and I couldn't be happier. I got Bud and Lou riled up. We went a few days without feeding them, they were ravenous and would tear apart Batsy if need be. Johnny and his guys prepared for battle too, they had an arsenal of guns, grenades, knives, and lots of other lethal party favors.

"Harley," Mr. J sung my name from the doorway. I skipped towards him.

"Hi, puddin'." I said as I straightened his bowtie.

"Ya look... good." He said with a low, raspy chuckle.

"Do I look like a damsel in distress?" I said pretending to faint. Mr. J caught me.

"A damsel yes. Ya need some _distress_." He growled into my ear as he wrapped his hands around my throat. I wanted to laugh but I couldn't breathe, I felt my face turn red.

"That's better." He smiled and let me go. I coughed and caught my breath then started laughing. Everyone was ready. I was putting Bud's collar on when he snapped at me, the babies were ready for battle too. We all went to the roof. Johnny told everyone where they were supposed to be stationed exactly how J planned it. I was the star of the show. Mr. J and I stood on a platform on the center of the roof. J held a gun to my head and told me to scream as loud as I could.

"Help! Someone please! Help me!" I screamed at the top of my lungs. I screamed for about a minute and nothing was happening. I took in a deep breath and tried screaming again. Then I realized what I needed to be screaming.

"Help me, Batman! Please help me!" I screamed for Batsy for about a minute when I saw a figure run across the roof of a neighboring building. "Help me!" I screamed so loud it hurt my throat. All of the sudden the black figure jumped onto our roof. He was tall and dark and I really wanted to wrap his little cape around his throat.

"Help me! Please! He's gonna kill me!" I screamed. I felt like a girl in a cheesy horror film. B-man marched towards me and Mr. J.

"Take another step and I shoot." J growled. I held in my laughter and made myself cry.

"Please help me, Batman." I cried. He stood still.

"Let her go, Joker." Batman's voice was low and hoarse and sort of sexy. If he didn't do the things he did to my puddin' I might just have a crush. But Mr. J had my heart forever and ever.

"Bats! Nice of you to attend." J laughed. I wanted to laugh so bad but my role was the damsel in distress; my character was crucial.

"Welcome to the play." J held out his other arm and lights came one pointing at me and him. It really was like a play.

"Please help." I cried to Batsy. Mr. J pushed the gun into my temple, it excited me.

"Bats, do you remember this day fifteen years ago?" J said to him. His voice was different he wasn't growling or laughing; it was raw and sincere. He sounded hurt. Batman didn't respond.

"Do you want me to kill this girl?" J asked. "I've got nothin' to lose. Whatchya gonna do to me, Bats? Throw me back in Arkham, I'll get out again. I'll getchya cornered again then you'll beat me and lock me up and throw away the key. And on and on it goes." Mr. J laughed.

"Boys," J said and all the sudden all the guys came out of nowhere. They bum rushed B-man and started tying him up. Batsy fought back but was out numbered. One of J's guys hit Batman in the head with a night stick and Batsy fell to the ground. Mr. J took the gun from my head and pushed me out of his way. He walked over to where Batman was, he was out cold. One of the guys started tugging at B-man's mask.

"No. Leave it on." Mr. J ordered to the man. "You'll ruin the fantasy." J chuckled. "Take him to the game room." J's eyes lit up. They carried Batsy downstairs and put him in a chair with restraints.

"Puddin'?" I said sitting on the counter next to J's many torture devices. I ditched the communion dress and the doll makeup.

"What, Harley?" He growled.

"I thought we were gonna kill B-man." I said softly.

"Harley, stick to batting your eyelashes and your mangy mutts. Buzz off, little bee. _We_ weren't doing anything. You had one job that you barely did." He glared at me. I felt guilty but laughed it off. Puddin' was just tired. He'd been working so hard getting ready for all this. He walked over to Batman and slapped him. Bats woke up and started struggling. He looked at Mr. J with hatred, he was disrespecting my puddin'. J slapped him again and busted into a fit of laughter.

"Oh, Bats. Look how far we've come." J said smiling.

"Get it over with, Joker." Batsy growled.

"Aw Bats, our fun isn't nearly over." J chuckled. "Now, shall we begin?" Mr. J patted B-man's cheek.

"Do you remember when we met?" J asked. He had a stun gun in his hand. B-man didn't respond.

"It was today, a cool Gotham night fifteen years ago." Mr. J shivered. "You were chasing some thug. I took my _lovely_ wife to the movies. We were walking out when she got knocked over by the thief you were chasing. She was nine months pregnant." Mr. J looked angry, like he was going to kill Batman. J looked sad too, like he was hurting. I didn't know anything about J's past; he never talked about it and I didn't want to make him hate me by asking so many questions.

"That never happened." Batman said in his deep rasp.

"You wouldn't've recognized me then, ol' pal. I was different, I looked like everybody else. You were different too. You didn't have nearly as many gadgets and gizmos then. Well, my wife lost the baby. Then she got _so sad_. I did my very, _very_ best to put on smile on her face." J smiled wide. "No amount of comedy could put a heart back together." Mr. J pounded his fist to his chest.

"She killed herself a few months later. I found her in the tub. She looked so sad, I missed her smile. You took everything from me. My wife, my baby I never got to meet, my entire life was ruined. On account of _you._ " J said. I didn't know any of this. My heart broke into a million pieces for him. I wanted to run up and kiss him until the pain went away. I knew if I distracted him from Batsy he would be even angrier with me.

"Then kill me." Batman said looking up at Mr. J.

"Kill you? I'm not gonna kill you. I need you." J laughed. "This is what we do. You chase me then I chase you. It's our never ending game of cat and mouse. Of Bats and Clown." Mr. J erupted into laughter.

"Don't you get it? This is all we have. You're gonna keep trying to stop crime, I'm gonna keep trying to get revenge. We're stuck in our ways. We're afraid of what we know we are. You keep trying to put these guys in jail but you know you'll never save anybody, that's what you're afraid of. This is how it's always gonna be. It's never gonna change or get better. I'll never get my life back; you'll never save the people you want to save. This is it. On and on we play the never ending game."

 **A/N: Wow. I really liked this chapter. I really like adding more depth to Joker. He is quite an ambiguous character. I hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you for your kind reviews, follows, favorites.**  
 **Thanks, Lonewolf**


	17. My Little Clown

**I don't own any of the character's mentioned.**

Puddin' was tired. He had been grilling Batman for hours. Finally, I convinced him to go to bed so he would have energy for tomorrow. I woke up before him. I went to the bathroom and looked at myself in the mirror. I was so washed out. My hair was on off white color, my skin was pale and the dark rings around my eyes made me look like a raccoon. I wanted to put a color in my hair. I didn't know which color I would pick but it was fun to think about.

I washed all the leftover makeup off my face and then went to my closet. I put on some clothes; extra short, high waisted cutoffs and an oversized sweater I cut the hem to show my belly and the neckline to have it fall off my shoulder. I saw J starting to stir in his sleep from the corner of my eye. I walked towards him. I liked being there when he woke up. He sat up gasping and looked at me.

"Ya ok, Mistah J?" I asked.

"Harley, I couldn't be better." He said with a wide smile.

"What do ya wanna do?" I asked.

"Let's bring Bats some breakfast." He said with a wink. I squealed. We walked down to the _Game Room_ to see a bad sight. The guard was unconscious and the door was kicked open. I braced myself for what puddin' was going to do.

"Bats!" He yelled and punched the cement wall. His knuckles were bloody. I held my breath, I knew if I said anything it would just upset him.

"And the game continues." J growled under his breath. He started to cackle which made me giggle. I loved his laugh, it always brought a smile to my face.

"Harley," He turned to me with a grin.

"Yes, puddin'." I said. He looked happy. I loved when my puddin' smiled.

"What are we doing today?" He asked with a big smile.

"I dunno. Wanna kill somebody?" I winked at him. He started laughing and took my chin in his hand.

"I like the way you think." He said as his nipped at my lips. I felt my grin widen and my cheeks blushed. I loved it when Mr. J complimented me.  
….

Bats was gone. I wasn't too shook up about it. This is what we do. Bats runs from me then I run from him and on and on it goes. Harley had been trying her very best to cheer me up. She was making a fool of herself, really. She kept throwing herself at me; it was obnoxious. But when she said she wanted to go kill someone I actually wanted to kiss her. She was quite the puzzle. I spent more time than I ever planned on thinking about her. I found myself thinking about the droop of her bottom lip or the war my hand fits perfectly on her waist. I tried shaking myself out of it but she was like a drug. The more I had of her the better I felt. I was addicted ``

to her and had no plans of detoxing.

"Puddin'." She whined as she scratched one of the hyenas behind the ears.

"Yes, Harley." I said with a smile. She had a way of extracting a smile from me, she was a sly little thief that I didn't realize was stealing from me until she had already taken it. She was taking away some of my pain; the glorious pain that I had held onto for years and I didn't know if I could let go.

"I wanna dye my hair." She said softly as a hyena cackled in her ear.

"What color?" I asked. I thought she could use a little color. I, myself was quite a fan of hair dye and makeup. I had been sporting my green do for years now.

"I dunno. Maybe red, blue might be nice." She said with a look of wonder. She was so easily amused.

"One fish, two fish, red fish, blue fish." I said and busted into an eruption of laughter. She giggled and stood up from her dog pile. She walked over to me. She wrapped her hands around my neck. I rested my palms on the small of her back. She smelt like vanilla and cigarettes. I looked down and found myself drowning in her blue eyes. I started swaying back and forth with her.

"There's no music." She whispered with one corner of her mouth turned up. I started to hum a little tune. She put her head on my chest and she hummed along. I rested my chin on the top of her head. I adored my little clown. Moments like these made me feel like I was being ripped apart and glued together all at once. This giggling little parasite had burrowed into my skin and didn't show a sign of leaving.

Our little dance ended prematurely when Johnny entered the room. I felt like Frost was always showing up when me and Harley had our moments. I could see something different in him since I brought in the little clown. His eyes lingered on her and he was always making sure she was safe and had what she needed. He was always carrying her upstairs if she had passed out in the club. I knew that he wouldn't dare lay a hand on my little pet. He knew better; he knew I didn't like to share my toys.

Frost told me that the car was still being repaired from our last outing. He also informed me that Angelo was coming to the club to discuss business. I nodded and shooed him out. Harley squealed in excitement and ran to go get dressed for the night. She twirled out of the closet wearing a gold sequin dress. She had on heels that made her look like stilt walker at a circus.

"Do I look pretty, Mistah J?" She asked, twirling. I nodded and twirled her toward me. She looked good. She put eyeliner on and it made her eyes even more piercing.

"Wanna go downstairs?" She asked. I nodded. She skipped in front of me. She opened the door to the club. She twirled around the empty club. I walked over to the King's section, my section. One of the waitresses brought me a drink. I gulped it down.

"When's he comin'?" I growled to Frost who just got to the section.

"I dunno. They said he'd be coming sometime tonight." He said looking at his watch.

"There's a line of people outside. Should we let 'em in?" A bouncer asked.

"Let 'em in." I said the whiskey glass still on my lips. The bouncer nodded and went to the doors. An ocean of people flooded into my club. I watched people navigate their way to the bar, the dance floor, the tables. I looked over and saw Harley dancing on a pole. My eyes were glued to every move, I watched her hips move to the music and I looked up and our eyes met. I saw her giggle. She was putting on a little show for me. What a good girl. I watched her for so long. I was hypnotized by her. She was a snake charmer and I was a vicious Cobra. Her show was interrupted by Frost.

"Boss, Angelo and some of his guys are here." He said. I nodded and waved for them to come in.

"Hey J," He said as he sat on the booth across from me.

"Good evening, Mr _. Angelo_." I boomed.

"I'm here to talk about business." He said. I didn't particularly like Angelo; I tolerated him. He had no sense of humor and was terribly boring. All he spoke about was guns and drugs and crime. He never laughed at my jokes, I think he might be crazier than I was. Who doesn't laugh at the Joker's jokes?

"What else is new?" I asked and took a sip of my whiskey.

"J, I need a _package_ delivered yesterday and it never came. I need to be able to trust you." He said. He always spoke in code, he thought that there were bugs and snitches everywhere. He was a moron. I thought Harley might have more brains than him.

"Yesterday was quite the day. I caught the Bat." I said with a smile.

"No shit? Can I go pay my friend a visit?" He smiled.

"No, not tonight. Bats did what Bats typically does." I growled and made my hand into a tight fist. Bats had no business leaving. Our fun wasn't nearly over, there was still so much to do.

"Ahh." He said nodding.

"What do ya want from me, Ang? Punish me like one of your goons?" I said, tired of small talk.

"J, I need to be able to trust you. This partnership has been a rocky road." He says, his entourage nodded. I saw him turn his head and look over at Harley dancing.

"Lemme make it up to you." I said. I put my fingers to my lips and whistled. Harley looked up and ran to me. She skipped into the section and came and sat on my lap.

"Hi, puddin'." She said and kissed my cheek. I whispered into her ear and she nodded. She went and sat on Angelo's lap, she always did what she was told.

"Joker, I dunno what ya doin'." He said and put his hands up.

"Angelo, Harley will show you a _real_ good time. My apologies for our mistake. She'll settle my debt." I said. Harley nodded and giggled.

"I don't want no trouble." He said. His entourage looked uneasy.

"No trouble at all. Right, Harls?" I asked. She shook her head and kissed Angelo's cheek. I felt a fire light within me. I didn't like seeing her kiss another man, especially that pig.

"What? Don't ya like me?" She asked Ang, a sharpness to her voice. He nodded.

"No I like ya. I just don't want no surprises." He said, his hands still up in the air.

"I insist." I said and waved towards one of the rooms that the dancers gave lap dances. He nodded and Harley stood up and giggled. She grabbed his hand and led him to the room. She kissed my cheek on her way out of the section. I wanted to strangle him. They walked into the room and shut the door behind them. I wanted to go kick the door in and shoot him, then take Harley to the _Game Room_ and punish her.

I sat in the section and downed more whiskey than I had that whole week. It was only about ten minutes but it felt like a decade. I thought of what they were doing but it made me sick. I was thinking of what I would do to him when he walked out. Finally, I saw the door open. Harley skipped out of the room and to me. She sat next to me; she smelt of his strong cologne. Angelo walked out of the room, his oiled back hair was disheveled and his tie was off. I had balled my fists so tight I felt the circulation leaving my fingers. Angelo sat across from me and let out a deep breath.

"Nice girl ya got there, J." He said.

"I think we're settled." I said, I wanted to shoot him but I would save that pleasure for later. I stood up and walked upstairs holding Harley tight by the wrist. I threw her into the bedroom. She yelped when she hit the floor.

"What did you do with him?" I yelled.

"Nothin', puddin'." She said picking herself back up.

"What did you do?" I yelled in her face.

"It was just a dance! He just wanted a dance." She started to cry.

"I'm so sorry, Mistah J. I thought that's what you wanted me to do." Her tears pulled her eye makeup down her cheeks. I wrapped my arms around her and exhaled. My little clown was a good girl. She did good. She would be rewarded.

We danced to my hum. She hummed along and put her head on my chest. This little clown had done something to me. Part of me thought she might be a witch who cast a spell on me and part of me was just hypnotized by her eyes. She looked up at me with the biggest smile I'd ever seen. I'd let her pretty little smile remain; that would be the only good part that remained of her once I was finished with her. I would transform my little clown into my little monster.

 **A/N: I hope you all enjoyed this chapter. I really like writing in Joker's POV and I plan on writing more of him. I would love to hear your suggestions and ideas. Thank you for all the follows, favorites, and reviews.**  
 **Thanks, Lonewolf!**


	18. Debility

**I do not own any of the characters mentioned.**

"Harley, c'mon!" Mr. J called from the bedroom. I had been in the bathroom awhile. I was dying my hair. I couldn't decide between red or blue so I chose both. I also cut my hair a little. Then ends were as dead as disco. I was taking out my curlers and I gasped in amazement. I looked beautiful. The right side was more pink than red but I looked pretty. Harleen was beautiful but she was so plain, now we both looked great.

"Ya ready, puddin'?" I called from behind the bathroom door. I heard him groan and I swung the door open. I twirled towards him and scrunched my curls up.

"Oh, Harley." He said biting his lip.

"Ya like it?" I asked kneeling on the floor in front of him. He nodded and grabbed my face. He kissed me then started touching my hair. I loved my puddin' so much, every touch made me fall farther into the hole that he shot into my heart.

"Puddin', do I look sick to you?" I asked him. When I was in the bathroom I noticed how thin and willowy I looked. My skin was translucent and covered in bruises; my dark circles were a permanent staple around my eyes. Once I thought about it I realized I couldn't remember the last time I ate something. I was drinking gin for breakfast, smoking cigarettes for lunch, and a combination of the two with some coke sprinkled on top was dinner. All my late nights had caught up to me.

"Nah, ya look _good_." He growled back to me, he took my chin in his hands. "This is the sick part." He said tapping my temple with his other hand. We both erupted into laughter. I got dressed and put on a gold and black sequin dressed. Mr. J had more than two dozen Rolex watches in his closet. I put the watches on and pushed them all the way up my arm where they wouldn't fall down. I did my makeup to match my hair. I looked so beautiful. I twirled so my dress went out.

J was almost finished getting dressed when all the sudden I got a terrible headache. I dropped to the floor and tried catching my breath. I felt like I was going to faint. Puddin' didn't notice at first but when he did he rushed towards me. He started calling my name and asking me questions I couldn't hear. The room was dimming and I felt like I was falling. The room went black and all the sudden I was in a dark room surrounded by fog.

"Hello?" I called out, I heard the small sound of whimpering coming from the corner of the room. I walked towards it and saw Harleen curled up in the corner, crying.

"Harleen, what happened?" I asked getting on the ground next to her.

"I can't do it anymore." She said exhaling. She wiped the tears off her cheeks and pulled her knees to her chest. I hugged her. I felt this weird feeling in my stomach, like I was going to be sick. I felt like this was all my fault. If I had just let her live her life, if I didn't trick her into giving me control she wouldn't be this broken. I felt terrible about everything. She was reliving terrible things because of me.

"What'd ya find?" I asked. She started hyperventilating and covering her face with her fans.

"I had no idea." She started to cry again. She breathed deeply and her face was bright red. The longer I saw her cry the worse I felt. I hugged her tightly and I knew what I had to do. I wished I could say goodbye to my puddin'.

"You can't be in here any longer. I'm sorry, Harleen." I gave her another hug.

"No, I'm sorry Harley. You went through so much more than me. I didn't know." She looked so sad. I nodded, I didn't want to talk about it. Talking about it made me remember. I swallowed the fact that I would only be seeing Mr. J through Harleen's eyes. I knew that Harleen would want her body back but I thought I'd get more time with him or she might just let me keep control.

"I don't know if I can be me again. It hurts so much." She said with tears rushing down her cheeks. I knew exactly how she felt.

"It'll hurt for a while." I said, tears started escaping my eyes. "When you start forgetting you'll feel better. Mistah J will help you forget. I barely remembered anything when I was with him. He just takes all the pain away." I wiped the tears away. In this place I had on a locket. It was Harleen's one thing she kept from her childhood, it was a locket that belonged to her mother and had Harleen's baby picture in it. I took off the locket and handed it to Harleen.

"Give him a kiss for me, will ya?" I asked trying to hold back all the tears. I was gonna miss him so much, I was gonna miss living. Harleen nodded and I did the clasp for her.

"Harley, thank you for everything. I'm so sorry you had to go through all that." She said hugging me. She wiped her tears and walked away. Her silhouette faded into the distance and I fell to the ground in tears. I didn't think I'd ever have to be back here. As Harleen got back to her body I looked down and her looks faded off of me. I was in the jester outfit again. Even though I wouldn't see Mr. J again, I'd always be his little harlequin.  
…

I had my body back. It felt so good to be out of that place. I had seen so many terrible things that I never knew happened to me, or rather Harley. I started to open my eyes and saw the Joker standing over me. His eyes were wide and there were other men in black standing around me.

"Harley!" He shouted and picked me up. Joker started kissing me and I immediately pushed him back. I didn't want to be touched, especially by a man, after all I had seen. His hands on my waist made me nauseous, I pushed his hands away.

"Harley, are you alright?" He asked raising an eyebrow at me. I looked around and thought this might be a dream or a memory. I had been through so many of those that I didn't know if I was still trapped in my own mind.

"Is this real?" I asked softly with tears welling up in my eyes. Joker frowned at me than busted into laughter.

"I don't know. Wanna find out?" He chuckled and grabbed the back of my neck pulling me towards him. He started kissing me and I was repulsed. His touch made my skin crawl and all I saw was my father when he touched me.

"Get off me!" I yelled. I looked down and that that the ends of my hair were dyed. My arms were covered with bruises and I saw tattoos on my arm, legs, stomach. What happened to me? My mouth tasted like cigarettes.

"Harley, you know I don't like to be denied." He growled at me. He put his hands around my throat and I kneed him in the stomach. I didn't want him near me. He let go of me and I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. When I saw my reflection in the mirror I started to sob.

"Tattoos?" I cried. I had tattoos on my face. I looked nothing like myself. I couldn't handle all this, any of it. Every time I blinked I saw the vile things my father did to me. I was a trained psychologist and knew the statistics and the treatments for the disorders I had. The textbooks and lectures you receive in medical school do not tell you what it's really like. I knew PTSD was bad but living it is a nightmare. I can't close my eyes without seeing it all.

"Harley?" I called into the mirror. I didn't want this. I couldn't be me anymore.

"Harley, come out of there!" Joker yelled from the other side of the door.

"I don't like this game." He shouted.

"I can't do this!" I screamed back at him. I wanted Harley back now.

"Harley, open the door or we'll knock it down!" He screamed and pounded on the door causing me to flinch.

"I'm not Harley. I'm not her!" I screamed. "Harley! Come back! I can't do it anymore!" I screamed to her over and over again. I looked in the mirror and spoke to her.

"Harley, come out. I don't want this. I can't be me, not after everything I saw." I started crying. I say a single blade razor on the counter that belonged to Joker. I grabbed it and held it to my wrist. I didn't want to feel this way anymore. I'd rather end it all. I pushed the blade into my skin and a sharp pain was followed by the sight of blood. I felt something pull my hand away and looked up and saw Harley. She saved me again.

"You're ok. I'll take over." She said smiling. She took the locket off me and put it on herself. I felt myself fall back. I felt the weight come off my chest. I faced all the demons inside my mind and now I could be free in there. I wanted to feel free. There was no fathers or jokers or abusers inside my head. I was safe there, I couldn't say the same for Harley out there.

 **A/N: Hope everyone enjoyed this chapter. It wasn't very long but it was a lot of fun to write. The next two chapters will be posted soon. I have been very busy lately and apologize for the delay. Thanks for reviewing, following, favoriting and most of all reading!  
Thanks, Lonewolf**


	19. Illicit Intimacy

She gave me the body back. I knew she couldn't handle it, she never could. I felt sorry for Harleen but I reaped the benefits of her weakness. I cleaned up the cut on my wrist and fixed my makeup and hair. I took a few minutes to gather myself and wipe the tears she left on my cheeks.

"Harley! Get out here!" Mr. J yelled from the bedroom. I opened the door and ran to him, showering him in kisses.

"I'm so sorry, puddin'." I said in between my pecks.

"What happened?" He let out a purr when I got to his neck.

"The voices got out." I said with a frown. He got on top of me and put his hands around my throat.

"You disrespected me. You _have_ to be punished." He laughed. I tried giggling but I wasn't getting any air, I smiled at him as I felt the blood rushing to my head. He let go of my throat and grabbed my hair. He pulled me off the bed by a handful of hair on the back of my head. I started giggling as I tried catching my breath. He took his hands off my hair and grabbed my chin. He pulled me into a standing position and squeezed my face tight.

"Let's go play with my _toys_." He kissed me. He grabbed my arms and pushed me on the bed. I almost bounced onto the floor. She climbed onto the bed in front of me and took out a knife. The knife was beautiful. It had _HAHAHAAHA_ engraved into the blade. He put the knife to my throat. I watched his eyes light up as he gently slid the blade over my collar bones.

"I could kill you." He chuckled.

"Kill me." I said softly. He looked up at me with a big smile part of me wanted him to put pressure on the blade and put me and Harleen out of our misery. I pushed that part farther back because J was being playful and I wanted to make the best of it.  
...

She was such a puzzle, my Harley. She fainted then she got up and seemed nothing like herself. She pushed me away, you don't push away the Joker. I felt something strange when she passed out. My heart pounded and my hands trembled, I felt like I had a hole in my stomach. I kept screaming at her but she didn't answer. I pounded my fist into the floor so hard my knuckles were bloody. When I saw her laying there so lifeless I wanted to beat her and kiss her and do whatever I could to wake her up.

"You want me to kill you?" I asked with a tempting smile.

"Please," She whispered. I moved the blade up her neck, I traced her jawline with my knife.

"Want me to carve a smile into this pretty-little-face?" I growled at her as I moved the knife across her lips. She smiled big. _God,_ how she tempted me. My little clown had been acting strange the past few days. She must've been drinking more than I realized because she always had terrible hangovers. My pet couldn't handle her liquor. My hands coiled around her throat tightly and I dropped the knife to the side. I squeezed her throat and I bit her lip. She giggled and wrapped her legs around me.

Harley was everything I have wanted in a pet. She was a nuisance and a moron but she had all the qualities I yearned for. She had a sense of humor, she was merciless, she enjoyed pain, she was never tired, she was insane, and most importantly she worshipped me. When I whistle she comes to me, she was easy to train. Despite how much I enjoyed breaking a girl's spirit, she was much easier to tow around. I often thought of her when I was doing the things I love: killing, torturing, plotting, drinking. She had weaseled her way into my head and part of me welcomed her.

"Puddin'," She whispered, her head was resting on my arm. She sat up and wrapped herself in the sheet.

"What?" I asked rubbing my temples.

"I love you so much. I thought I'd never see you again." She said, smiling at me. I smiled at her. Her words shot through me like a hollow-point bullet. I knew about her obsession with me, but every time she spoke to me in that way it made my stomach twist and turn. I knew the tale about feeling butterflies in your stomach but with Harley I felt like a bat was flapping around my stomach, pun intended.

"Harley, get me a drink." I sighed. She nodded and went downstairs. I stood up from the bed and put on some trousers. I walked over to my desk. I grabbed my new revolver. My hands stroked the barrel and my thumb pulled back the hammer. I put the barrel to my temple. My fingers danced around the trigger. _What if I did it?_ I laughed to myself. I couldn't pull the trigger yet. I wanted to go out with a stiff drink in my belly, Harley on my arm, and Bats' head under my foot.

"One day, old chap." I growled to myself. One day I would achieve my dreams and I think Harley might be that missing piece to this glorious puzzle.  
…

I brought puddin' his drink. I went to the bathroom and looked in the mirror. I wiped my smeared makeup with a damp washcloth. I had come to an important realization and I couldn't wait to tell my Mr. J. I knew once I told him this our relationship would change. I was so excited to tell my puddin', he would love me even more for this.

 **A/N: Almost to chapter 20! I apologize for the delay; life has gotten in the way this week as it usually does. Chapter 20 is on its way and I have a feeling you will enjoy it. I hope you liked this chapter, it was a bit shorter than the others and wasn't very eventful. I think the name of this chapter, Illicit Intimacy, is very fitting to their relationship and I have been wanting to title a chapter that for a while. Thank you for your follows, favorites, and reviews. If you have any questions, comments, concerns please contact me through PM or review!  
Thanks**


	20. Disdained Disclosure

I couldn't wait to tell Mr. J the news. I woke up and he wasn't here. I got up, got dressed, and went down to look for him. I saw Johnny in the hallway outside the club's back entrance, I skipped over to him.

"Good morning, Johnny." I said with a smile and a wink.

"Boss will be here soon." He said bluntly. Why didn't he want to talk to me? Did I do something wrong?

"Is somethin' wrong, Johnny?" I asked him.

"Boss thinks I'm being a little too friendly towards you." He rolled his eyes.

"What does that mean?" I asked him.

"Boss thinks I gotta thing for you. He doesn't like to share." He sighed.

"Ya just my friend. Mistah J is just tense; he'll be in a much better mood after he hears the news I got." I was all smiles; I didn't think I could hold it in until puddin' got home.

"What news?" He asked. He wasn't smiling like me.

"It's a surprise." I said, rolling my eyes.

"Boss doesn't like surprises. What is it, Harley?" He said in a very harsh tone. Why was he acting like this?

"Ya can't tell, promise?" I asked, he nodded. "Mistah J's gonna be a daddy." I said with a big smile.

"What?" He said with wide eyes. He started shaking his head. "No, no, no, no. You can't tell him." He said.

"Why not? This is good news." I said putting my hands on my flat, for now, belly.

"Boss will kill you if he finds out. You heard about his wife, he'll freak out." He said shaking his head. "I'll help you take care of it. I can make you an appointment at the clinic during the day, he won't find out." He said pulling out a cell phone.

"Ya want me to kill my baby? Our baby? This is good news, Johnny, why ya actin' like this?" Tears fell down my cheeks.

"Believe me, Harley, this is not good news." He frowned.

"I'm gonna tell Mistah J and he's gonna be so happy. You don't understand, he loves me." I said wiping the tears.

"Trust me, Harley, he doesn't love anybody anymore; he never will. You're a nice girl and I think you should go to the clinic tomorrow and maybe you shouldn't come back here. I don't think this is a place for any girl, especially you." He put his hand on my shoulder and looked like he was about to say something but he just shook his head and walked away. What he said made me think. I could hear Harleen telling me what to do. _Go to that clinic, it's for the best, Harley._

"Easy for you to say when you don't love Mistah J." I said aloud so she would hear. I couldn't get rid of it, this was Mr. J and I's baby. I kept picturing it. It was gonna be so cute. Blue eyes like mine but it would have green hair like Mr. J. I kept picturing him holding it, puddin' was gonna be a great daddy.

I walked upstairs and dropped onto the bed with an exhale. I was so torn. What Johnny said haunted me. I kept thinking about how I would tell J. I knew he would be shocked at first but he had to come around to the idea. He loved me and he would love this baby. I kept thinking about the way he'd scoop me up in his arms when I told him. I pictured us at doctor appointments and I could see him kissing my baby bump. My heart leaped with excitement. I couldn't wait to tell Mr. J about our budding family.

My thoughts were interrupted by the bedroom door opening. I looked to see puddin' walk into the room. My stomach started to twist and turn. I ran to him and wrapped my arms around his neck, showering him with kisses.

"I got a surprise for ya, puddin'." I said kissing his cheek.

"What's that?" He growled into my ear, he started purring when my lips got to his neck. My lips left trails of lipstick on his shirt collar, I kissed his jawline as I thought of ways to dance around the topic.

"It's a good surprise." I whispered.

"Ya get me a gift, Harley?" He chuckled.

"A gift from above, really." I giggled. I was so funny.

"I'd prefer a gift from below." He chuckled and pinched my backside. I jumped and giggled. I let go of him and took a step back. I looked into his eyes and made myself tell him.

"Puddin', ya gonna be a daddy." I said, tears escaping my eyes and a smile stretching itself onto my lips. He didn't respond at first, his lips were straight and his eyes made him look angry. His face was playing tricks on me, he had to be happy.

"We're gonna be a family, Mistah J. Aren't ya happy?" I asked and went to hug him. He pushed me away.

"That simply won't do." He said softly, like he was talking to himself. "Harley, why don't you join me on the balcony?" He asked with a wide grin. He was happy.

"Of course. Its big news, you need to adjust." I said to him. He didn't respond, he just walked to the balcony. I followed him and I kept hearing Harleen scream at me _Run! Get out of here!_ I tried ignoring her but she was so loud.

"Harley," J boomed on the balcony "You were my favorite pet; my most _treasured_ toy." He said putting his hands on my face.

"I still can be. And the baby will be so fun to play with. We can have a great life." I said kissing him.

"I had great plans for you. We could have done so much." He said with a frown.

"We still can." I said, tears falling down my cheeks.

"I still can. You won't be doing anything. Not anymore." He said plainly. I prayed that he wouldn't do what Johnny said he would.

"Puddin' this can be fun." I said to him. He shook his head. "This isn't right. This is your baby." I shouted. I was angry. Everything Johnny said was true and it infuriated me.

"Ya know, it's amazing what you can get done when you don't concern yourself with right and wrong." He smiled at me. "When you just do it for a laugh. And you Harley, are not laughing." He started to cackle. I knew what was coming and it made me cry harder.

"Please, puddin', don't do this to me." I said in between sobs.

"To you? I'm doing this for you." He smiled bigger.

"Unfortunately, we are out of time. Our appointment tomorrow will be longer." He smiled. "It's a date, doc." He said and then I felt the breath pulled from my lungs. I looked up and saw him looking down at me falling from the balcony. Everything was happening in slow motion. He pushed me, he hated me. I thought about how sorry I was. I was sorry for disappointing him and failing him. He deserved better, he deserved more.  
…...

I woke up to humming. I opened my eyes to a dark room. The only light I saw was UV lights hanging over plants. I felt a sharp pain when I moved my head and I felt a terrible stabbing pain in my belly and back. I started sobbing. I wished I was dead, I wish he killed me. I started sitting up and I saw that I wasn't wearing my clothes, I was in sweat pants and a white tank top.

"You're up," I heard a woman's voice. Her voice was soft and pleasant and almost hypnotic. I turned to see a beautiful woman with bright red hair. She walked over to me and put her hand on my shoulder.

"I found you in an alley. Did you jump?" She asked while checking the back of my head.

"No, he pushed me." I said wiping my tears.

"Don't worry he'll get his." She said wrapping a bandage around my head.

"Thanks, Red." I said, my voice hoarse. She smiled down at me. I felt safe here. I still hated myself for what I did to Mr. J. I was supposed to be there for him, I let him down. I wanted to help him but I failed him and Harleen and myself. I wanted to go back to him, my heart had a bullet hole in it and he had the gun in his hand.

 **A/N: 20 Chapters! I originally planned on going somewhere different with this chapter but I decide I liked this idea better. I know many other stories have the Harley gets pregnant and they live happily ever after as a plotline and I think that happily ever after isn't in their story. I really enjoyed writing this chapter and I hope you enjoyed reading it.**


	21. New Perspective

My Harley was gone. This was her fault of course but I couldn't get my mind off it. The image of her falling to the ground was glued to my eyelids, every time I closed my eyes I saw that. It made me feel angry, I've been trying to drink away the memory but I've had no such luck.

Johnny had become my shadow these past few days, always trailing behind me eager to pick up all the messes I left in my wake. I was pathetic, I would wake up in the middle of the night screaming her name. Why did she do this to me? We could have had fun together but she had to make everything so _serious_.

"Boss," Johnny said coming into my bedroom. I had told him to bring me her body. I wanted to have one last look at my little clown.

"Where is she?" I asked, my fingers gliding over the blade of my knife.

"We went down there. There's a lot of blood, but somebody took the body." He said frowning. My heart started to race and I could feel my vein stick out in my forehead. Someone stole my little clown.

"There was a trail of blood that went to the park and then it just stops." Johnny said, I could hear the confusion in his voice.

"She was mine, get her body back." I said and walked out of the room. I wanted my pet back. I would hold her in my arms again.  
….

"Take it easy. Go slow." Red said softly to me as she held a cup to my lips. I was in so much pain. In the middle of the night I woke up to blood soaked sheets. I hoped that the baby was ok.

"Red, I gotta see a doctor. I need to find out if the baby is ok." I whispered. My head hurt so bad after my fall that I could barely talk without feeling pain. She shook her head at me and frowned. Red was nice to me. She brought me into her little greenhouse hide away and fixed me up. I had only been here a day or two but I felt almost at home.

"Harley, just focus on resting for now." She patted my shoulder. I nodded. Her comforting was interrupted by the screaming of a kettle. She went to get it off the little stove. I watched her take little sprigs of herbs and leaves and throw them in a cup. She poured boiling water over the herbs and waited for it to steep.

"This will help with pain." She said bringing me the cup. I put it to my lips and chugged it down. I wanted all the pain to go away. Not just the pain I felt in my belly, head and back but the pain in my heart. It hurt so bad to think about puddin'. He was probably so lonely without me, I did wrong by him and I felt so guilty. My eyelids started getting heavier and I put my head to the pillow.

All the sudden I was surrounded by darkness. I could hear his laugh in the distance. I followed the beauty of his laughter skipping my way through the darkness. I stood in the doorway of the room and watched him. He was hanging a little jester hat from a mobile. I walked into the room and saw that it was a nursery. There was a purple bassinet with a little gold pillow and its mobile had little knives and tiny jester heads. I couldn't wait to put our baby to sleep in this room.

I looked up at J and he smiled at me. This smile was different; it wasn't a "I'm gonna hurt ya" smile it was more of a "I can't wait to spend forever with you" smile. Our moment was interrupted by blood, so much blood. It was all over the floor, seeping down the walls, I had blood all over me, there was blood covering the bassinet. I looked and saw J laughing with blood covering his hands. He stepped towards me with his bloody hands stretching themselves towards my belly. I screamed and tried backing away but the blood on the floor coagulated around my ankles and kept me stuck in my place. He marched towards me cackling with his bloody hands reaching towards my belly.

"It's a date, doc." He laughed and then jumped towards me.

I woke up hyperventilating. I started sobbing when I saw more blood on the sheet. My baby was gone. Me and J were never gonna be a family. I was feeling the pain of my baby dying because of him. I hated him. Red ran to me and wrapped her arms around me.

"My baby's gone. He killed my baby." I sobbed into her shoulder. She smoothed the back of my hair.

"It'll be ok. Time heals." She whispered to me then started to hum. I felt safe here. Once I was all better I would find him and I would kill him.

-2 WEEKS LATER-

I was healing, slowly but surely I got my strength back. Red helped me a lot, she gave me tea to help with the pain, tea to help me go back to sleep after my nightmares. From the fall I had a few broken ribs, a bad gash on my head, bruises all over my back, and a miscarriage. I'll never forget the pain I suffered as I felt my baby dying inside me. Every cramp, every drop of blood only fueled the hate that grew for Joker. I had a new outlook on life. I was no longer an ornament on Joker's arm. I hated him so much for what he did to me

Red helped me open my eyes to how rotten he truly was. I wanted to cut the tattoos dedicated to him off my body. I wanted to make him suffer as much as he made me suffer. I talked too Red about everything, she listened and she hated Joker more than I did. I could never repay all that she did for me. Harleen liked her too. Red and I both liked to be bad. She had really cool powers. She has, like, control of plants or something. She also has turned the park into this paradise. There's some kids that live in the park, orphans, that she takes care of too. She is a good person, not one bad bone in her body. Being here has changed me a lot, Harleen even came out a few times. I knew Red would help me get my revenge on Joker, she was a great friend.

For now, I was helping Red out with her stuff. She was all about the plants, a total hippie. I never knew how bad people were to nature. We've done a few little things like putting some plant poison on some guy that's bad to plants. I don't really know all the details of the stuff we do, I usually just focus on being lookout and roughing up the people that get in our way. I also help out with the kids. They're great; I like being around the little girls, they taught me how to braid and I taught them how to defend themselves from creeps (go for the crotch I told them).

Everything in my life had changed and I felt like I was finally in a good place. I had a funeral for the baby, I named her Rosie because whenever I pictured her she had the rosiest cheeks. Red made a bunch of roses grow in her honour. All different kinds; pink, red, yellow, white, and a bunch of others. I would sit in front of the flower bed a lot and think about what it would have been like. I would have wanted her to grow up here; surrounded by other kids in a paradise, away from any men that would try to hurt her, she would have had me and her Auntie Red to take care of her and teach her how to be a good girl.

I cried a lot thinking of all this. At night I cried before bed, I thought about Joker. I missed him, I still hated him so much but there were pieces of me that still belonged to him. When I catch myself missing him I feel betrayed by my own brain. I just want to have control over my feelings and I think once I kill Joker I will be able to have a say in what I feel.  
...

It had been days, maybe weeks since I lost my clown. No one found her body. I had marched girl after girl through my bedroom hoping to find her replacement but to no avail. Every girl was too apprehensive, or scared, or didn't like pain, or didn't get the joke, or wanted to talk afterwards; no girl in Gotham, or anywhere else, could replace that berserk beauty. Those hyenas cried and moaned for their manic mother, I thought about putting a few rounds in them just to get some quiet.

"Me too." I replied to the whining hound. I took a gulp of my drink and leaned against the bars of their cage. I put my drink on the floor next to me and pulled my gun from its holster. I put it to my chin. I now knew I'd never get to go out in a storm of bullets with Harley. What was the point of any of it? I wanted to live a life of fun; where everyone laughed and lived forever but now I seemed to be stuck in a purgatory of solitude and missed punchlines. I hated myself for further thinking about the little scoundrel after I threw her off that balcony. She was nothing to me, an object, a lackey, a fool, a fan. But she was stuck in my head.

I waited for Harley to walk out of the closet with her skimpy outfit and funny coloured hair. I waited in the Kings section of the club for her. I watched the dancers cage expecting her to start dancing at any moment. I wanted my little clown back. I was so angry at myself for acting so unlike myself. I could have spent weeks torturing her, tormenting her until she was my obedient pet once again. I could have had fun with her but instead I gave her a merciful death, I let her die in a quick and painless way. That wasn't the Joker's way. My little clown was gone and I didn't even get to experience the satisfaction of her sweet, everlasting purity that I would tarnish and warp. I never got to turn her into my little monster, she would forever be just my little clown.


	22. The Voice in Her Head

"Harley, jump!" Red yelled to me as we ran across the roof.

"I can't!" I yelled back. I wasn't going to jump off this roof. I really, really, didn't want to.

"Trust me. It'll be ok." She said back to me. I trusted her, I had no other choice. She jumped first. I watched her disappear behind the wall then I charged the ledge. I closed my eyes and let myself fall off the edge. I was falling for a second. I felt the wind pushing my hair back, just as I opened my eyes I was caught by vines.

I gasped when they caught me. I looked up and saw Red holding onto one of the vines with her other hand stretched towards me. As she lowered her hand the vines brought me to the ground. Her vine gently lowered her to the ground. We ran back to the park and she waved her hands over the shrubs in front of the entrance and then we ran to the greenhouse.

With our backs to the door we let out an exhale. We both got in our PJ's and went to bed. Red didn't talk too much after we went out. Said she needed to unwind, she usually sat in the garden and sang to the plants. I went to my little bed in the corner and put my head against the pillow. Her soft singing lulled me to sleep. Her garden serenades always put me to sleep. But once again the last thought on my mind was Puddin'. That's what it always was and I hated myself for it. I always pictured his chrome smile or the way the J tattoo next to his eye crinkled when he laughed. The snapshots of our lethal love flashed by my drowsy eyes before I sunk into dreamdom.

I woke up to her singing again. I looked over to see her braiding one of the girl's hair. It was Penny, she had caramel curls that fell above her waist. Red was doing French braided pigtails, she was really good at braiding and taught the other girls. Penny and I just couldn't ever get the sections of hair to come together into a braid. I smiled at the occasional yelp when Red tugged at Penny's hair. I sat up and yawned.

"Morning, Miss Harley." Penny smiled at me. She was like my little shadow, she loved hearing my stories and my jokes would make her laugh louder than Bud and Lou.

"Mornin' Penny. G'mornin' Red." I said as I kissed the tops of their heads on my way to the kitchen. I grabbed the tea pot and poured some into a cup. I missed coffee, and gin. I did my usual routine: shower, breakfast, got dressed, went to Rosie's spot. I kneeled in front of the rose bed and talked to her. None of the kids picked her flowers, Red gave them a lecture about picking flowers. I would sit there all day, just talking to her or listening to the birds' chirp. It felt nice to be exposed to sunlight. I couldn't remember the last time I felt the sun on my skin. My peace was interrupted by Red standing over me, blocking my sun.

"It's time." She said. I nodded and got up.

We had an errand to run. Someone tried to break into the park. Red made this bramble grow around the perimeter and if someone tried to cut it down or fight their way through it would grow stronger. The thorns on the bramble had poison on it and only Red had the cure. Tonight once the kiddios were asleep we would go looking for the guy who tried to get in.

"Whatchya gonna do when ya find them, Red?" I asked her as I loaded a magazine.

"I will cure them, question them, then I might have to give them a little kiss." She said with a smile. She made a kissy face then went back to humming to her plants.

"I'll kill 'em for ya." I said with a smile.

"I can take care of myself, Harley. Besides you should save your strength for the Joker." She said with a smile. Red had become my best friend. She actually cared about me and that wasn't something I was too familiar with.

"Ready?" She asked me. I nodded and put my revolver in its holster on my thigh. I stole an outfit from this cute boutique. It was a blue sequin mini skirt and a tight red crop top. I wore knee high black leather boots and I wore my hair in high pig tails. Red wore an outfit made out of vines and ivy of countless different green hues that wrapped around her forming into something similar to a bikini.

She looked sort of like Adam and Eve in a renaissance painting. Vines grew around her calves and forearms, she didn't wear any shoes, and she had bright red hair that fell around her waist. She was the most beautiful person I'd ever seen. She hypnotised men like a poisonous flower to a jungle creature. Her hair was such a bright red color that it seemed to almost glow.

It was nightfall and all the kids were in bed. We snuck out of the greenhouse and head towards the entrance. Red walked towards the bramble and put her hands out; at her command it parted for her and I to get through. I noticed Red had a small woven bag hanging off her shoulder.

"Hey Red, what's in the bag?" I asked.

"The antidote to the toxin from the bramble." She said as we quickly crossed the street.

"Why save 'em so you can kill 'em again?" I asked her. She abruptly turned around.

"Harley, it's not about killing. It's about justice. I'm trying to get justice for things that have no voice. Why is everything about killing with people? Why can't we all just live?" She sounded angry. I felt tears welling up but I blinked them away. She had never yelled at my before, I haven't been yelled at since Joker. I nodded and we continued walking. We were almost to the guys building when we heard some whimpering coming from an alley. I walked towards it.

"Hello?" I called out.

"Harley, be careful." Red whispered as she put her hands out, ready to use her power against anyone trying to harm us.

"Hello?" I said as I walked into the alley. It was dark but I saw something moving. I stepped towards it and I kept my hand on my gun, just in case. I stood over a girl. I saw her gripping her hip and whimpering.

"Are you ok?" I asked with caution. She looked up at me with piercing green eyes. She responded with a small whimper. I look back at Red who was staring blindly into the darkness blindly.

"Red, it's a girl. She's hurt." I called to her. Red ran towards us. She kneeled down and started looking at the wound on the girl's leg. The girl looked weird. She had a skintight, black leather jumpsuit on and wore a black leather mask with cat ears on it. Red grabbed me by the hem of my shirt and ripped it. She held the wide strip ripped from my shirt and wrapped it tightly around the girl's leg. I kicked the trash cans away from her and I kneeled down next to her. I took her mask off and it revealed a beautiful young woman with striking features. She had pale but vivid green eyes that had yellow rays in the iris framed perfectly by a cavalry of dark lashes. She had cherry red lips that even while they quivered with pain still looked like they had been expertly designed. Her skin was smooth and covered in a gleam of sweat, her flawlessly arched brows furrowed at the pressure from the make-shift tourniquet.

"Harley, help her stand." Red said calmly. The girl put her arm around my neck and hoisted herself up. Red stood on the other side of her and we helped her out of the alley. We weren't far from the park so we only had to suffer through this three-legged race for about fifteen minutes. Once we had limped into the park and into the greenhouse Red and I cleared the kitchen table and we helped her on it.

"Harleen can help." I said looking at the bullet wound on the girl's leg. Red looked at me with confusion. I called out to Harleen. She went to medical school, she was a doctor and this was something for her to do. I called out and when I heard her response I surrendered the body to her, _temporarily_.  
…..

Harley called me out. I wasn't sure if I wanted to come out. I was happy she wasn't with the Joker anymore. I liked Ivy, she was sweet and peaceful and was a good influence on Harley. I had come out a few times for only a minute or two to observe. To see where I was. I came out when Harley was losing the baby. I took some of her pain away, it was the least I could do. When I came to I was standing in the greenhouse and there was a peculiar woman lying on the table. Ivy was holding a scalpel in her hand and was hovering over the wound.

"Stop, let me." I said softly and I took the scalpel. I looked at the wound.

"Harley, what are you-"

"I need all the medical supplies you have; first aid kits, gloves, alcohol, clean towels, and lots of gauze." I said in a soft but urgent tone. The girl was still awake and I didn't want to scare here. Ivy nodded and went to the bathroom.

"Miss, can you tell me what happened?" I asked the girl who looked like she was fading in and out of consciousness. She didn't answer.

"Can you tell me your name?" I asked.

"Selina," She whispered, her eyelids blinked slowly. Ivy got back with an armful of medical supplies. There were first aid kits, towels, a box full of surgical equipment, alcohol, peroxide, gloves, gauze, bandages, and a medical grade stitching kit.

"Go put a pot of water on the stove to boil. Then come back and help me." I said and she nodded and ran towards the little kitchen. I saw that Selina was bleeding a bit more than I would like so I quickly took Harley's belt off and secured as tight as I could around Selina's thigh. I poured alcohol over my hands, dried them with a clean towel then put gloves on. I rolled up towels and put them under her knee to elevate her leg. I cleaned my tools with alcohol, but I was waiting on that boiling water. I put some alcohol on a cotton ball and dabbed the outside of the wound.

"Behind," Ivy said as she shuffled behind me holding the pot of boiling water with dishtowels. I put my tools in the water and then continued cleaning the outside. I wiped away any blood or dirt that was blocking my view of the wound. The bullets entrance seemed clean and this looked simple to remove but I didn't want to jinx myself. I handed Ivy some gloves and she put them on and was waiting for more instruction.

"Hand me the forceps. I need you to blot away the blood so I can see." I said, she nodded. I was thinking as hard as I could back to med school. I dried off the forceps and then put them into the wound, I heard Selina wince. I opened the wound and Ivy dabbed it with gauze. I grabbed some smaller forceps and went into the wound. I quickly felt the bullet, it wasn't in very deep. I pulled the bullet out while Ivy dabbed at the blood. I dropped the bullet into the pot of water then grabbed the stitching kit.

"Remove the forceps and apply pressure." I told Ivy, she did. I got ready to do the stitching.

"Selina, we got the bullet out you're going to be ok." I told her and I smoothed back her hair that wa-s damp with sweat. The bleeding had stopped and Ivy stepped back. I started stitching up the wound. It was only six stitches. I taped gauze over it and then started cleaning up.

"How did you do that?" Ivy asked.

"I went to medical school." I said looking down.

"Harley, you never told me that." She said with a smile. I sighed, she called me Harley.

"I'm not Harley, Harley definitely didn't go to med school." I said with a small chuckle. Ivy looked confused. "I have DID, Dissociative Identity Disorder. Harley's my alter." I said to her. It was the first time I had said any of this aloud. She looked even more confused but she just nodded.

"I was abused by my father throughout my childhood and my pyche developed her. She's strong and feisty and lacks fear and inhibitions." I said to her. It felt good saying these things.

"I'm sorry that happened. What should I call you?" She asked.

"I'm Harleen, Harleen Quinzel." I said putting my hand out. She shook my hand and smiled. "I'm happy you found us. Thank you for everything you've done for her, she really needed a friend." I said and hugged her.

"I'm going to bed; Harley will be back in the morning. You should get her into some clean clothes and that pain relieving tea you gave Harley." I said and went to Harley's cot. I felt strange being back in my body, like I didn't belong here. I thought I was doing Harley a favor by letting her have the body but really she was doing it for me. I wasn't strong enough for any of this. At first I pitied Harley for all she went through because of me but Harley was strong, she didn't let herself be the victim. I envied Harley. She loved herself and even after Joker ripped her apart she still managed to put herself back together. I know I would never be able to do something like that. That's why I have become the shadow in the back of her mind, _the voice in her head_.

 **A/N: Hello, I apologize for such a delay in this chapter but life has been crazy and I've been very under the weather. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and I hope it made up for my absence. I missed writing in Harleen's POV, it's been too long. Next chapter is in the works and I do hope you'll stay tuned for more. Thanks, Lonewolf**


	23. Preparing for Battle

"Take it slow." I said to Selina as she sat up. We had found her yesterday. She was getting better. I thought she was interesting, Red thought she was trouble. We found her with a bullet in her leg and I didn't ask; I wouldn't have liked if she asked a ton of questions about me.

Red had been acting strange around me since Harleen came out to fix up Selina. I was playing with Penny this morning and Red told Penny to play somewhere else. I feel like she doesn't trust me around the kids anymore, which really hurts. It was starting to get cold out now, this morning there was frost on the flowers in Rosie's bed. I watched Red walk past me into the greenhouse, I followed her.

"Red, you ok? Ya been actin' weird lately." I cornered her in the greenhouse so she was forced to confront me.

"I'm," She sighed. "Last night, I just don't really know how to respond." She shook her head.

"I'm ok. Harleen's ok. She's just a voice in my head now, she doesn't like to be out here." I thought about Harleen, I had mixed feelings about what to say for her. I loved Harleen, I spent my whole life protecting her and I was thankful that she trusted me to take care of her and her body but I felt guilty. I felt like I failed her, I was supposed to keep her safe and keep her happy. I should have been able to put her back together but now she was just so broken.

"If you want me to leave I will. This is the first place I felt safe at, but I understand if ya don't want me here." I looked at the ground. I was afraid she might actually throw me out.

"Harley, you aren't leaving. The children love you, and," Red took a breath "and you're my friend."

"Aww, Red!" I jumped on her and wrapped my arms around her. She was my friend and I was hers and I was so thankful for her. She hugged me back slightly but then started patting my back, the international symbol of let go of me. I squeezed her tight then let go and walked out of the greenhouse. I was about to go check on the kids when I heard a loud noise come from Selina's room. I ran to it and saw her on the floor.

"Selina," I gasped and went to help her up. I grabbed her arm and hoisted her up towards me.

"Let go of me!" She yelled and pushed me away. She stood on her good leg and balanced herself. "I'm fine." She hissed.

"Ya gotta take it slow. I know it's hard." I said trying to not show my empathy. I knew exactly how she felt. When I got here it was hard for me to just let myself get better, I was used to doing everything as hard as I could; drugs, crime, and Joker were all that went through my head and I suffered without them.

"What do you know about me?" Her chartreuse colored eyes glared at me through her thick lashes.

"I know what it's like to think you're invincible, to think you're standing on top of the world and no one can touch you because you're too in love to realize how bad things are." I felt tears well up in my eyes. Selina frowned at the ground, she swallowed whatever it was she was going to reply with. My heart hurt so badly, I missed Joker and I hated him but most of all I missed the way I felt when I was with him. I woke up in the morning excited to get to look at him sleep and when he pushed me or choked me I would get this burning hot rush over my entire body. In movies, love is always sweet, soft, slow. Ours was white hot, rugged, fast. It was like a roller coaster, or maybe a car crash. Either way it filled my veins with adrenaline but left me sick and sore.

"I need to get back to my life." She said interrupting my thoughts.

"Ya need to get better. Start with tryin' to stand, then walk, then train, _then_ leave. I was in worse shape than you are, you'll heal fast." I said and patted her arm. She rolled her eyes.

"They say cats always land on their feet but I dunno about that." I giggled thinking about the costume she was wearing. Selina did not laugh. After I finished laughing I stood in front of her with my hands out.

" _What_ are you doing?" She hissed.

"Let's try to get you back up and purring." I giggled again. Selina sighed and took my hands. I pulled her up and she slowly started putting weight on her bad leg.

It was a slow start but she started being able to stand without assistance. She took slow steps, wincing at every step. She worked up her strength slowly but surely and was limping around the cottage in no time at all. We spent a few days just focusing on getting her used to walking with the pain still present in her leg. Today we were gonna start training.

I started talking to some guys down at the docks where Joker does some of his deals. It was pretty easy just waiting in a dive bar in a short skirt, a little nibble on the ear and a guy will tell you anything he thinks will impress you. Especially, if the infamous Gotham criminal is getting a shipment off his boat during his shift.

"Harley, you need to think this through." Red said to me as I was doing push-ups on the basketball court. I looked up at her and sighed.

"I did. I'm gonna kill him. Ya could help me, or don't. Either way, I'm killin' him." I said standing up off the ground. "He hurt me, I am _still_ hurting. And I miss him, how sick is that? If I don't kill him, I'll feel this way forever; I'll go back to him and I can't do that again." I felt tears welling up.

"I'll help you." Selina said from behind me. Red and I both turned to look at her. "I never did like clowns." She smirked. I ran and hugged her, she pushed me off.

"Red? You in?" I asked raising an eyebrow.

"Fine," I started squealing and I jumped on her "but we are going to plan this out. None of us are dying at the hands of that psycho."

Red and I started drawing out plans and strategies. It felt like we were making plays for football or something. Me and Selina started training, we would jog around the park and do regular workouts to get our strength back. I broke into a gun shop and stole a Glock 43. It was nice, single stack, 9mm. Not as heavy as my revolver but it held more rounds and I felt was easier to get a good shot with. I also took a baseball bat, an old Louisville Slugger; I taped up the handle so it had some grip.

I felt strong again. I could do pull ups and I could run around the entire park and not get winded. Selina was better too, me and her started training together from the time we got up until we needed sleep. I was prepared to kill Joker, I was ready to cut the cancer that he was out of my heart and move on. Harleen praised me from inside my head and she kept telling me to be strong. Red and Selina cheered me on too and they had faith that I would kill him then start living my life. The only one that didn't have faith in me was _me_.

I kept having bad dreams; in the nightmares, it was always the face off with Joker. When I went to pull the gun on him I couldn't resist the urge to turn the gun on myself. Every time, I would turn the gun away from him and put in my mouth. I would hear the boom of the gun and I would wake up. I was terrified that this would happen.

If my dream does become a reality, if I do spare Joker and shoot myself in the head. At least, I will be dead and I won't have to suffer this pain. I would rather die than feel this pain, every morning when I wake up his absence burns like a deep cut in my heart. I am as hollow as a pinpricked egg and the hole he left I fear will never be full again. Death would be a release from this insufferable emptiness.

Before I met Joker my life was boring, I always felt incomplete. Joker wanted me to become his _Little_ _Monster,_ his harlequin. The breaking point that took me from human into a monster was him. Not his torture or his love or the drugs or the gifts, what broke me was him showing his true self when he pushed me off that balcony. He showed me that he is just a coward that's tricked everyone into believing he's dangerous. Joker draws people's eyes to his nice clothes and cars and guns, to his thugs and his laugh this takes attention away from how pathetic and absolutely ordinary he really is. If you strip away the tattoos, the guns, the goons, the crime, the empire he's just a sad man playing dress up. He wants power but not responsibility. He is just playing games and he thinks he's toying with people, playing tricks and making jokes but he is the biggest joke of all. And I was done laughing.

 **A/N: I deeply apologize for my extended absence, life has been chaotic. I really loved this chapter, I loved writing Harley's character development. It pains me to say that there is only one more chapter left in this story. I love writing for Harley but I feel the story will become redundant if I continue it any further. It has been a great experience writing this and getting such wonderful feedback from all of you. This story has more than 300 followers and I am truly thankful for everyone of you. Thank you for all your reviews, follows, and favorites. Thanks, Lonewolf.**

 **Also, is there anything you would like to see in the final chapter?**


	24. Finale

I threw her leg off me. I opened my eyes to see a woman's pale, soft leg thrown over me. My first thought was of Harley, how badly I wanted that leg to belong to her. Unfortunately, the leg was attached to some nameless hooker. She was a blonde and pale and had a piercing giggle but other than the few similarities to my clown she was utterly boring. I got up and went to shower the scent of her cheap perfume off me.

I pounded my fist against the shower's walls as they water pounded against me. I missed my little clown, I also missed my lifestyle. I haven't had any fun in weeks, Frost kept my busy. He's been treating me like a lovesick child and it was getting infuriating. I took a lot of my anger out on those dogs. I kicked them when they whined and withheld their feedings. Every time I saw them I also saw a flash them walking next her or resting their heads in her lap. Everything in this building reminded me of her and she reminded me of my wife. Her blonde hair, her pale skin, her look of wonder and optimism. Even the way she held onto my arm reminded me of _Jenny_.

Every night since I found my wife in that tub I dreamt of her. Of seeing her in a pool of her own blood, of her reaching a bloody hand towards me and mouthing _You did this._ Now a new set of terrors haunted me each night. I would be standing on the balcony with Harley and then I would push her but she wouldn't fall. She stood their suspended in midair looking right through me. She saw right through the Joker and looked at the skeleton inside.  
….

I woke up that afternoon with one thought on my mind: Kill Joker. I had prepared for weeks, I built up my strength, I had saved up a small arsenal of weapons, and most importantly, I became mentally stronger. Harleen and I spoke a lot and I promised her I wouldn't go back to him, she promised me that she'd be strong for me.

I woke up and poured myself a cup of coffee. I walked outside with my mug in hand. I walked past the greenhouse and could see Red singing to a row of saplings ready to go outside. I loved the feeling of the late day sun on my shoulders, the warm grass greeting my feet. I walked over to Rosie's place. The roses reached towards the sun with longing. I felt like I was saying goodbye to the baby I never got to meet. I didn't know if I would succeed in killing him, I could die and never come back to the rose bed again. I never got to see what this baby would look like, I never felt her kick, I never heard her cry but I loved her. My heart ached every day in memoriam to my baby, the phantom pain of my miscarriage still haunted my womb.

I sat there for a while; I was meditating, clearing my mind. I took steady, calming breaths as I watched the roses tremble in the breeze. I watched the sun set through Gotham's sky scrapers and I knew I should start getting ready. I walked to the cottage and went to my closet to get my outfit on. I thought about a jumpsuit like Selina's but I didn't like how my butt looked in it. I found these shorts that are covered with black sequins, I wore a black crop top and I stitched a red diamond onto the breast. I wore fish nets, and a holster on my thigh. I loaded my guns and my back up magazines.

I did my makeup; I did a black smokey eye and red lipstick. I pulled my blonde hair into pig tails and curled the ends. I laced up my knee-high stiletto boots. I slipped on brass knuckles and I unwrapped a cherry lollipop and stuck it in my mouth. It was a quarter to midnight and we needed to head to the docks. Red, Selina and I were on our way and my heart pounded the entire trip.

"Ya ready?" I asked them both.

"Uh-huh." They hummed in unison.

"You got this, Harley." Red said as she squeezed my arm reassuringly. I believed her. We were at the docks at the place Joker would be making his deal. We all stood behind a stack of crates. It felt like we were waiting forever. I tapped my foot impatiently but was interrupted by the sound of a car door close. I held my breath and peaked over the corner to see Johnny and a bunch of other guys. My heart started pounding. The pounding came to a stop when I saw Joker trailing behind them. I hadn't seen him in weeks. Every emotion flooded me at once and I felt light headed.

The exchange started happening and I signaled Red to interrupt. She put her arm out and the weeds poking through the asphalt grew into a mess of large vines and wrapped around the creep Joker was dealing with and his goons. Selina rolled out from behind the crates and flipped into the air. She threw she legs up around Johnny's neck and brought him to the ground. My knees felt wobbly and I didn't know if I could face him.

I saw Joker charge Selina, she tightened her legs around Johnny and she fought Joker's hands off her. I took a deep breath and shuffled over to Joker. I put my gun to the nape of his neck and he froze. He put his hands up.

"Turn around!" I growled. He slowly turned and his eyes met mine with disbelief. My stomach dropped when I saw him, I felt like I was going to be sick.

"Harley," He exhaled. He kept blinking like I was some flaw in his sight. I felt so compelled to cry but I held my composure and thought about Rosie.

"Ya look like you've seen a ghost." I glared at him and tightened my grip on the gun.

"Harley," He exhaled my name like smoke and reached towards my face like he was checking if I was real.

"Don't touch me!" I yelled and pushed the gun practically in his mouth. His hand stopped.

"Harls, I thought you were dead." He growled while looking me up and down.

"I was. You killed me." I spoke low. "You killed my baby." I fought back the tears trying to escape me.

"Harley, baby, why didn't you come home?" He asked tilting his head. I knew what game he was trying to play and I was not participating.

"That place wasn't a home. It was a prison, ya kept me there like a hostage. Ya tortured me, treated me like shit." I paused as a tear fell down my cheek. "All I've done. Every trial, every test, every initiation. I proved I loved you and you could never accept it!"

"I am not someone who is loved." He growled.

"No ya not. You're a coward. You aren't someone's who's loved. You're someone who takes, someone who kills. You threw me off that balcony 'cause you were scared. You were afraid because you _loved_ me." He started shaking his head. "Yeah, ya did. Ya loved me and that scared you. And after ya threw me out like a piece of trash I realized that I _hate_ you. I saw my hate for you in the blood, in the pain I felt when I lost my baby. I heard it in my own cries as I felt my baby die. I saw it in the bruises, in the broken ribs, in the stitches on my head. I hate you more than anyone." Tears rolled down my cheeks as he looked at me with wide eyes.

"I used to love you _so_ much. I loved you the way the Earth loves the sun, the way the moon loves the stars. I needed you the same way I need oxygen. But now I want you dead. You aren't someone who's loved. You're someone who's hated." I meant every word I said. I felt powerful and finally like I've said something good and true. My confidence plummeted to Earth when I heard Joker start to clap. He clapped slowly and chuckled under his breath.

"Oh Harley, wasn't that heartfelt. You're gonna make me cry." He frowned theatrically. I felt stupid, I squeezed the handle of the gun and my finger hovered over the trigger. _Do it!_ Harleen screamed inside my head.

"You weren't the only one who lost someone that day on the terrace. I lost my little clown." His voice softened and he stepped towards me. My throat dried out and I couldn't think of anything to say. He grabbed the barrel of the gun and put it between his eyes.

"Do what you gotta do. But know, that I'm all you got. You're _my_ little clown, my Harlequin." His words shot right through me. If I heard anymore I'd fall for it, I couldn't do that. I cocked the gun back and heard the bullet pop into the chamber. I went to put my finger on the trigger when he charged me. He pushed me onto the ground and took the gun out of my hands.

I put my head down and started to whimper. I pulled myself together and put my hand on my back up .22 holstered to my thigh. I aimed upwards and pulled the trigger. The sound of the shot made me dizzy. I looked up and saw Joker staring at me with wide eyes. The bullet grazed his right shoulder and tore through his purple coat. He grunted and threw my other gun up in the air and caught it by the barrel. In that moment, he struck my face with the gun's handle. I held my face in my hands and I was in shock.

"Harley," He growled as he kneeled on the ground in front of me. He put his hand under my chin lifting my face up. I could feel my cheekbone bruising and I knew it was cut. He kissed my cheek and licked the blood off his lip. "I didn't want to hurt you. I didn't want any of this. But you gave me no other choice." He whispered to me. I felt his breath on my face, it had been so long since I felt him near me.

The guilt rushed over me. Maybe he was right. _Harley, don't fall for it. Fight it!_ Harleen screamed. I tuned her out and just focused on the smell of scotch on his breath.

"C'mon Harls, come home. _Our_ babies miss you." He said putting his hands on my face.

"I missed Bud and Lou a lot. I didn't think about them." I thought about my babies, I never said goodbye. One day I just wasn't there and that must've been so confusing for them.

"They weren't the only ones that missed you. I missed ya, Harls." He growled and started inching his face towards mine. His lips were so close to mine that I could almost taste them. My heart was beating so hard I was sure he could hear it.

"Harley, be strong!" Red yelled distracting me from his lips. I watched her struggle to restrain the guys in vines and Johnny was starting to get the upper hand on Selina. Nothing was going like my plans and I felt so stupid. This was all my doing and I felt so guilty.

"Harley, baby, come home. Be my clown again." J held my hand in his. I looked into his eyes, they were the kind that you just drown in. I thought about everything that I once was and everything I wanted to be and I saw J in all of it.

"Ah!" J winced forward. I saw Selina holding her whip over him.

"Don't hurt him!" I yelled and she looked at me with confusion.

"See what you've caused, Harley?" J screamed at me. "I don't think I could have you back at my funhouse. You'd just ruin everything! This was all you. I only wanted to have fun and you had to mess it all up. You were so… good but now you're all serious." He looked at me with disgust. I felt terrible, I hated myself for everything I caused. I wanted to be sick.

"I didn't mean for this," I started to cry. I felt like the biggest idiot.

"Harley," Red started.

"No, I'm sorry. I'm sorry I did all this. I don't know why I did this. I'm sorry Red, Selina for not being a good friend. I messed up." Tears rolled down my cheeks. I felt disgusted in myself. I ruined everything I had. J was the only one to love me and I ruined that. Red and Selina were the only friends I've ever had and I wasted their time. I ruined everything and I hated myself for it.

"Harley, I just wanted you to be my clown." J sighed as he turned away from me.

"Oh Puddin'! I'm sorry." I cried as I ran towards him. He turned around just as I ran into his arms. I put my face into his neck and let out my tears. I inhaled his scent and felt like I was home. I missed my Puddin' so much. My heart didn't hurt anymore. I didn't feel pain for Rosie like I did before.

"Oh Harley, let's go home." J chuckled into my hair. He put his arm under my leg and scooped me up. I wrapped my arms around his neck. Being in his arms I felt all my pain drain away like dirty bath water. I breathed in his smell and I felt jittery. I missed the high he gave me, the weeks I was away I had gone through an almost lethal withdrawal. I missed my puddin' more than I ever thought I could miss someone. He was my home and I'd never leave again.

"Bye Red, bye kitty." He purred at them as he walked towards his purple Lambo. He put me in the passenger seat and then got in to his side.

"We goin' home now, Puddin'?" I asked putting my hand on his thigh.

"Well of course, Harley. I think you should start preparing yourself." He smiled as he weaved through the Gotham streets.

"For what?" I asked biting my lip.

"For your punishment. You ran away, you've gotta suffer the consequences." He put his hand on my thigh and dug his finger tips into my skin.

"What kinda punishments?" I asked as I kissed his neck.

"Cruel and unusual." He purred. I squealed.

"I expect nothing less from my Mistah J!" I kissed him hard as he blindly drove through traffic. I felt like I was in the place I was destined to be. With my lip between his teeth, his hand on my throat and my heart wrapped around his finger. He was my everything and I never want to know life without him and I don't think I'll ever have to. I loved my puddin'. He made me into everything I am and I could never repay for making me into his Harlequin.

 **A/N: That is it! I hope you enjoyed the ending, I'd say its bittersweet but I am happy with it. Throughout this story I feel that I've grown as a writer and I feel like Harley and Harleen will always be in my heart. I loved this story and I hope I did all of these amazing characters justice. I would like to thank DC Comics for giving us these amazing characters that we have all grown up loving and idolizing and I also want to thank every person that has read this story and left a review or favorited or followed or spent any time at all on my take on Harley Quinn's little life. It has been an honor writing this. And I wish you all a wonderful New Year and the very best.  
Endless Thanks, Lonewolf**


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